Still Hurt And Why

Dear Fairy,

Today is hard.. I must swear to you that I will never look again.. for now it really hurts when you see the jerk with another woman.. even the woman is ugly and looks like a man... but the point is.. you know that was a jerk and nothing would change that.. i almost die because of such.. i kinda laughed dunno if that was because of the wine i had (i had a fun party) and that woman is really ugly.. but not as ugly as his heart i know. I don't even cry. Today is hectic but my mind goes blank, or a bit lost at times. Trying to paint something to distract but that wasn't working very well, it even caused me to focus more on thinking. Not that I am jealous, but the weird feeling of quite hurt. I know nothing is fair. That's how it works, that's how the world is supposed to be. So there is nothing left to whine about. I do have some nice "kids" looking up to me. I know I am just nice and adorable, and as pretty as I can be. Dear dearest fairy, if you may please heal my heart and even if I have to cry a bit tonight or so, let me be and then help me to completely forget. It's tough but please make it easier for me. Why does it still hurt? Even when I can totally despise such ahole. I have some tears now.. may be it's better to let go of my emotions and be over with. Why do I have to suffer for having done nothing wrong. It's so horrible people are so fickle and disrespect and hurt you. He said until his retarded brother is married, he won't. Of course that was a lie. And that woman seems to be from somewhere and he said long distance wouldn't work, etc. etc. I cannot think anymore. I must dissociate my thoughts with anything about him. Dear fairy, please help me and I really need that so badly, help me to completely forget. I think I can cry now. It just hurts and it is not good and totally stupid. Why am I so stupid? Why can't I be a super human being and feel no pain, no hurt...

Bless me and make me forget and send me an angel.

For the moment i need to lay down and cry......
ludai ludai
22-25
Dec 14, 2012