What I'm about to say is what I've been going through.
All the things I've seen and thought since the day that I lost you.
It was late the other night, when I got that call.
The Officer said you were gone. and my world began to fall.
I fell to the bed and lost my breath.
I could only stare at the wall, I honestly had nothing left.
I couldn't move, I couldn't talk.
I tried to stand, but couldn't walk.
Why did this happen?! What do I do now?
What do I tell mom..and how..
I've never been this low before, or shed so many tears.
I swear I loved you everyday of my life, all my 21 years
Now here I am, wearing black. Walking to your wake.
I try to turn back but mom won't let me, and I begin to shake.
I get inside and it's so cold..and I see you laying there..
Afraid to get any closer, but you're my dad, I shouldn't be scared.
You look like you're smiling...the way you always were.
Please daddy just wake up, so I don't have to hurt.
I can't believe what I'm seeing, this has got to be a dream.
All these people here for you, while you so peacefully sleep.
And I wrote you a letter daddy, and I brought a photo of you and me.
I put them in your hand, hoping soon that you will read.
Now here we are behind you, as we're driving to your grave.
Where I'll pay my last respects, where in the earth you'll lay.
Beautiful words are spoken, some of the last tears are shed.
But they don't know how I feel, or what's going through my head...
Like how the day before I lost you, that evening you tried to call me.
I didn't bother to call you back, and I've never feel so guilty.
But today I did call you, just to hear your voice...
I even left a message, telling you of my pain and void.
I miss you so much dad. No matter what, you were always around.
I just want one more hug from you, and to hear you say "I love you Leigh"... such a beautiful sound.
Dad, I know we had our problems, but none of it matters anymore.
It just makes me sick to think, I never said the things I should've said before.
It's all like a bad dream. But there is no waking.
God I want you home so bad, because my heart is breaking.
I placed my hands on your casket, and whispered, "I love you dad, I miss you".
I hated leaving you there like that..but I promise I'll come visit, very, very soon.
As I came home, I looked at the pink roses that you planted for me.
Like our love, they just keep growing. And that's how it'll always be.
With all my love, your daughter,
I wrote this the week my Dad died, in 2008. He was killed in a car accident. This crappy poem doesn't even begin to describe the pain I felt, or what I still feel now. I miss him beyond words.