Why, Dad?

This is what I'd like to say to my dad:

Dad, I thought I knew you for the first, say, 14 years of my life; you were funny, generous and you seemed to try your best to care for us. Yes, you could have the occasional mood swing and you didn't ever remember my teacher's names etc. but you were an acceptable father figure to me. I have many good memories with you- the numerous school trips where you were the only dad brave enough to come, days out, holidays and BBQs.

But around when I became 15, things began to change with you. I realised how badly you treated my mum and how your mood could change from cheerful to aggressive in seconds. You acted stupid and violent. Once you even left me and my little brother on the street at night, surrounded by gangs, as you chased a teenage boy who'd thrown an egg at your car. You shouted if I asked for help with anything and constantly shattered the confidence of my brother. You weren't interested in my school work, friends, life... My mum became underweight and depressed but you didn't seem to care. You threatened to slap me and broke our computer by punching it. I caught you downstairs and drunk, watching a **** channel. But the worst thing was the way you guarded your email and texts and stayed out for 3 hours whilst 'getting petrol'. Did you think we were stupid? I was disgusted, but I still put up with you.

When I turned 16 I found out that you'd been having an affair on my mum for 2 years with someone from your work. Mum asked you to leave soon after and since then you've hardly been in contact. You blame everyone else for everything and I wish you would wake up and see what you've done to me. We used to be so close, everyone called me 'Daddy's girl' and now I feel like I hate you. Why don't you care?

Now I'm waiting on my GCSE results and in the space of 2 years I've gone from top of the class to somebody who doesn't hand her coursework in, doesn't revise and has generally given up. I'm not going to be able to achieve my dreams and I am self-harming a lot. So thanks Dad, you've shown me what I'm worth to you. Within a week my mum moved in a new man and my brother has rebelled by behaving really badly. Nobody notices me..

I don't know how I'm going to spend 2 weeks with you in Summer (a family holiday planned before the break-up which my mum has dropped out of). I'm so confused and I tried to contact you on Father's Day but you shouted at me because you were asleep. It doesn't seem as if you're going to make an effort so I think we might lose contact after the holiday.

Thanks for being a 'good' dad for 13/14 years at least and hopefully one day you'll realise what you've done,
Your daughter.
LittleMissLucky LittleMissLucky
18-21, F
4 Responses Jul 2, 2010

I have thought of it but now I have moved on from my dad. Obviously, sometimes I still feel sad but people who hurt you in life aren't worth wasting your time on. I did well in my exams so I am focusing on my school work and dream career :)

Have you ever thought about seeing a counselor?

Thank you honey xx

I'm so sorry your dad did that to you. But always remember that even though you don't have somebody to look for you and give you love, don't give up on your life and always be strong!