Dear Dad, If Only You Could Read This:

I know we have our ups and downs, but I just want you to know that yes, I'll be your little girl forever, but I will also be my own woman. Yes, I have chosen a path in my life that you are not so happy with but it makes me happy. You've never wanted to see me happy, right? I feel like my brother's get more attention outta you than I ever have gotten. It truly upsets me at times. Sometimes I feel like you don't really care as much as I'd hoped, that's why I always go to mom for help. She's understanding and well, a woman. She knows a lot of what I'm going through. Not saying you can't help, its just that I feel your holding me back in my life. This summer will be our last summer together before I move out. You feel like I'm taking things too quickly, but I'm only going to do what makes me happy. At least I know what I'm going to do with my life. It took me years and many months to think things through and I have decided.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm moving on, and who know's where I'll end up, but if I fail at anything it will be my own fault and I will learn from my mistakes. I hope you never think that anything is your fault, because it's not. You and mom have both raised me well. I've just had a difficult past. Yes, I'm scared of the outcome and I will always be a call away, even though I'll be miles away. I will visit on Holiday's and Birthday's and maybe a few weekends. And yes, I will miss you. You taught me many things in life...
I remember you teaching me how to ride a bike, how to throw a horseshoe (then dropping it on my head on accident.. Owch. Yeah.), I remember how I quit cheerleading to race go-karts cause I thought it was soo much more fun spending time with you and my brother than all girls. I remember our usual Saturday outings, shopping and lunch, but it's not the same without mom... Yeah when I was young, I never really liked to be a girl. I hated dolls, I hated to dress up. I loved racing go-karts and playing in the dirt, I loved playing with little toy cars and even those remote controlled indy cars you got my brother and I! I miss those. Good times.. I could talk about so much. You've made me mad so many times. Like how when my older brother got his license, he had a car right then and there... When I got mine- You had sold my car previously. You said it was a piece of junk...I've waited months and months to get a car. I had to ride that nasty bus (I hate buses) I would always get creeped on, on it. Finally about a month ago, You got me a car.He is a beautiful Toyota Celica! The wait was so worth it!!
But anyways, as you know my boyfriend is off in the Airforce, and you don't want to see your little girl grow up, but dad, We are talking about marriage. I know you like him. I know you do. You constantly brought him up when he was in Basic, asking how he was doing and such. Mom likes him, even my brothers, my older brother is friends with him!! He's a good guy. Ask anyone. I trust him and so should you. Mom trusts him. My brothers trust him. Just waiting on you. I feel like you don't. Well father, like I asked before "Don't you want to see your daugther happy?" You and Mom know what its like being the middle child, but neither of you had to deal with being the only daughter, as well. (Well I hope you wouldn't know dad..ha, but I know how your sister might have felt. Being the only girl out of 5 boys. and now she has 2 stepbrothers...and still no sisters.)
These are some things you need to take in. I love you- but I wont always be here for you(in the literal sense), soon I'll be miles away.. I will always be there if you need me, but remember- I'm older now. I'm not going to stay young forever, no matter how bad I want to.

If only you could read this... but I'm too scared to write it in a note for you- or to even read it. Soon you'll know my real feelings...I just have to get up all of my courage to tell you. Mom knows most of it and I'm pretty sure she hasn't said anything to you. You haven't flipped out on me yet. Ha.

♥ You're only daughter~
xoADxoTLxo xoADxoTLxo
18-21, F
May 6, 2012