I'm Not Daddy's Little Girl Any More.

Mum never told me why you left when I was only 3. I guess I'll never really know. Whenever I ask her about it she says 'it was just one of those things, we didn't work out' but I always thought there was more to it then that. Even though you left I never used to stop seeing you, every Saturday I'd stay for the night, those were the best days of my life, I was daddy's little girl, what happened? I guess it started when you got married and had a baby, yeah my little sister Mollie, she looks like me so much. I don't really know why I stopped seeing you when Mollie was born, I guess I didn't feel good enough, you was never affectionate with me and seeing you with Mollie and calling her your baby girl made me think of what me and you never had. Even when I stopped staying over, you used to call me some days and now we don't even talk on the phone, I'm lucky enough to even get to see you three times a year and your don't even live that far, you've even got your own car now so you could come to me whenever, you know where I live.
It only got worse over a year ago when your wife got pregnant again with a baby boy, Michael. You told me I was going to have a baby brother over the phone, that's something you should of told me face to face, I don't think I could ever forgive you for that, it caused me to have an asthma attack but you didn't even care when my mum told you. We used to be so close, even when I only saw you on weekends I was always closer to you then I was to mum. I was your little girl and like you said I always would be. I've told you a couple of times that I miss you and the way things used to be and you'd say 'your 17 now, your old enough to make your own decisions' but no I'm not dad, I still need you there for me, I still need you to hug me and tell me you love me and that I'm still your little girl, like old times. But I'm like you, I'm not good with showing my emotions, well at least I know where I get it from.
I don't know if me and you will ever be how it was before. You've missed out on so much stuff that's happened in my life. When I left school a year early, that's because I was being bullied for 11 years, I suffer from depression and social anxiety now because of that. I've been to counselling and they'd mention you. I couldn't even talk about you a few years ago, I'd burst out in tears. You was my biggest weakness, but now I've changed, instead of getting upset over you, I just get angry now. You call me every few months to ask to meet up and yes I do agree and meet up with you whenever you ask but that's because I cherish every moment I spend with you because I don't know when I will see you again. It sounds so silly because you only live 15 minutes away. I'll be honest now though, my brother and sister wasn't the only reason I stopped seeing you on weekends, the main reason was your drinking, the only time you'd really get drunk is whenever I came round, probably because it was your day off work and the only chance you'd be able to have a drink but why every weekend? It hurt me that the only time you could say you love me was when you had a beer in your hand, and even most the time you told me I was your beautiful daughter I couldn't understand a word you was saying because you was so drunk you couldn't get your words out right. I was 10, if not younger. Every time I had to watch you make a fool out of yourself, I remember one night we went to the club and we'd be there until 2-3 in the morning and we'd finally get ready to go home, you tried standing up and you fell back into the table and broke it. That night I made up my mind that I didn't want to see you like that ever again.
Well, maybe one day we'll have a real daughter/dad relationship but I can only hope, like I have been doing the past 5 years. I'm only 17 after all, I don't want to be in my 20s when you decide you want to be a part of my life properly. I'm not getting younger dad, I don't want it to be too late for us.
unknowngirl2012 unknowngirl2012
18-21, F
May 20, 2012