To Be Or Not To Be

A question I have asked myself many many times.

I don't remember where but somewhere along the line I read someone's account on being submissive. It was the beginning of a realization for me. In this telling they describe submissive as being strong because it takes a great amount of trust to place on the hands of another person.....you. Your heart. Your mind. Your soul. Your body.

This realization hit me pretty hard. Spoke to the deepest most secret parts of me and made me realize that I had gone a whole life without really truly trusting anyone in this way. And I didn't want to live the rest of my life without ever doing so.
I want to be strong enough to be able to give completely my heart to another regardless of my fears. And there are many. It's the missing piece that I never really realized was missing until I found it hidden deep within. It was the source of my loneliness. My sadness. My heartache. Because I was denying myself my most basic need. The need to give, trust, and love.

Slowly, cautiously, with humility, vulnerability and conscious awareness I have started to test the waters of this whole new world.

With each new experience I am finding a peace being restored within myself. Because my true nature is emerging. It's a work in progress though. And slow. After all I've had these walls of mine a very long time. But that peace I discovered by giving in keeps me from being able to run. Because I want that more then anything else. And that feeling of contentment is what keeps me from doing so.

It's one of the biggest challenges of my life but my heart tells me it's worth the risk.
snowberry75 snowberry75
36-40, F
7 Responses Jan 6, 2013

This belongs to an alternative erotic life style called BDSM
You should watch Secretary movie in order to learn more about the bond.

Thank you. I will keep an eye out for that movie.

Hope you find what you are looking for! Very freeing to be honest with yourself and discover the type of relationship that will bring you the most happiness.

It truly is. But still hard work. But anything worthwhile never comes easy.

When you find someone that you can trust then finally you are admitting to something that is far greater than love. Being able to trust someone means all your emotions and thoughts are given to someone else. Putting your trust in another means you give them the power to hurt you but trusting that they won't. That is why trust is a word of great power and you have finally found the right person who deserves this honour. Congratulations my dear... It is finally your time to bask in happiness..

You are always so supportive and positive my friend. Thank you :) very wise words

I to hope your journey brings you your hearts desires! Someone will be very blessed with your surrender!

Thank you :)

What a beautiful perspective on life. I wish you only the best on your journey.

Thanks Jaggy!!! Nice to hear from you :)

This is soo awesome to read!! It gave me such a good feeling. There is nothing better then finally discovering "self" on the path in life....... :) and liking what you are finding behind those walls.... hugs and hugs....

Hugs to you as well. Reading your posts about this subject and your interactions have played a huge part in this discovery. The relationship you have with hubs is truly inspiring. So thank you for all that you share.

Awwwww......it is sooo nice to think something we shared helped someone else discover something this important...... Thank you for saying that...... That is really something special.... ♥

I suppose that this is where I am weaker, I find it difficult to be completely submissive to anyone. Maybe I just haven't found someone that I would trust in such a complete way. I have serious trust issues about giving myself completely to anyone.

I'm happy for you if you have found someone that you can trust in such a way.

Not weaker. I would never say that about you. As far a finding someone I can trust that way. It's something we are building together. Trust is not something that just is. It's something both of us have to work on. We both have been hurt deeply. So we are careful. The thing is he is not conscious of his Dom side either and he is just as unsure of that role as I am of mine. It's a path we are slowly discovering together.