My Love Life

I am 21 years old and I am a single mother-to-be. My little bundle will be here in less than 2 weeks from today. I am indeed very exited and anxious to have my little boy in my arms. First of all I never imagined being pregnant and yet single. Its not what anyone wants
especially if you are still in love with the father of the baby. I have realized that I am not alone I do believe in God and know He will never leave us and lets things happen for a reason evn when we dont understand why. Well it all started back in Spring of 08'
I was a freshman in College was going full time. I met a group of people . Funny thing is that i was like the outcast of the tables
Everyone there drank n smoked exept for me. I was the one preaching the gospel to them. no joke! the only thing in common would have been that i was interested in music (always have) and played the guitar. It was a good time hanging out with them even if i didnt smoke or drink. Besides Ive always been bubbly and friendly and ended having most of the guys after me ... I did like one of my friends but that all ended when he moved back to Mexico. I missed him terribly and found out he liked me too . well anyways from one of the guys i met this really cool, nice, down to earth guy. He was a sweetheart and i knew he liked me. He was a composer, played bass, was a metalhead, worked at school, he was outgoing , liked to go hiking, everything that i wasnt used to so i though wow he has a cool life. he is free as a bird. honestly i never thought he would be with a conservative girl like me .but the truth is one evening i was waiting for my ride and saw him walking (he confessed later on that he wanted to wait with me to talk to me) we got to know each othereand opened up to each other about things and he told me he was trying to get closer to God and wanted to go to church this n that. so me being so stupid believed everything he said. well over that summer all i did was pray for him. I asked God to guide him and well back to sschool in Fall of that same year we got to hang out and got to know each other and started dating. to make the story short we fell in love the only problem was that he lied since day 1. He really didnt want to go to church he did it for me. he also lied about his age told me he was 22 when he really was 25 when i ws only 18. and he probably lied about other things well only God knows. anyways I left my house to be with him, my aunt didnt like him because he had a tat ( i really didnt care what my aunt tought)
so i left and we did a lot of crazy things, i felt free for the first time. but i realized that all his promises never came true, instead of goign to church and to get closer to God i fell and went to the world. well anyways its been 3 years since we been together, truth is he never admited he lied about his age or anything else he lied about, i always found out from someone else. I have also noticed he is bipolar and he when mad would always tell me stuff like he was gonna kill himself and do drugs and it was all my fault. it was scary. well anyways thing is i got pregnant, i was still working, taking the busses and going to school while he had no job, stopped going to school, he is 28 and still doesnt have his driving license, he lived at his aunts couch , he was lazy and irresponsible and was taking my money to supposibly save so we could get a place together. but when i asked him for my money he would get mad and tell me i was irresponsible with my money so he was gonna save it for us to get our place together blah blah blah. and i found out he was paying rent at his aunt with my money . .. .so i got tired and think the best thing for me is to focus on my son and his future. I broke up with my bf and fiance it still hurts to know he never did anything to better his life. instead i feel like he used me
and i feel like i was with someone who was fake.... :( but i gotta be strong now for my babys sake.
julybundleofjoy julybundleofjoy
2 Responses Jul 4, 2011

u r really so brave..god bless needs so much courage to make a descign nd u make it...ur child will surly proud of u..

Hugs your baby, its all worth it.