Mother's Day?

It seems that my creative juices flow the most when I'm depressed or worried. Hence this latest story. With Mother's Day upon us, I've been doing much reflection on the meaning of the word "mother". What does it really mean to me and how do I practice it on a daily basis. Naturally, this reflection brings with it the need to compare myself to other mothers. My childhood had its ups and downs with regard to family relationships. Who's doesn't?! My mother and father both worked 40+ hours a week, so it often felt as if my brother and I were raising ourselves. While my parents loved me very much, my father never really spoke much to me. He spent most of his free time with my brother. So that left my mother to teach me the life skills I needed. She taught me how to be independent and resourceful. Both skills, of which, have served me well throughout my life. I might be poor, but our family has everything we need thanks to being resourceful. What was lacking, however, was affection. But I suppose I might not have learned "independence" so well if she had had a warm and fuzzy personality. My mother died when I was 24, so she didn't have the chance to meet my daughter, who was born a year and a half later. My own journey, as a mother, has been fraught with plenty of trials and errors, but only my daughter can attest to my effectiveness. All I know for sure is that my daughter loves me unconditionally. She accepts that I, like my mother, am not warm and fuzzy, and accepts that I find it very important to teach her independence and resourcefulness. Sound familiar? We pass along so much to our offspring. All of our strengths and weaknesses. It all makes its way into our childrens' minds and its up to them what they take into their own adulthood. In other words, I've done the best I can. In comparing my journey to others, of late I find myself focusing so much on my friend's mother.  Let's just call her Maggy.   I spoke of Amy before, so you know that she has been the source of my recent heartache and hurt. Like I said above, we pass along so much to our offspring. In Maggy's case, I can't help but think all she had to pass along was a life of negativity and hate. I'm finding it difficult to see any good in her at all, and I've known her for over 40 years. We practically grew up together and our families couldn't be more different! Her sisters treated her like a villain and her mother treated her like a slave. I suppose negativity begets negativity, and in her case, it was too much engrained in her every fiber. Maggy had three children, and they are all adults now. The oldest, let's call her Michelle, is a chronic liar and is living with a man twice her age and who prefers girls (if you know what I mean). Her middle one, let's call him William, is a brilliant engineer with General Electric and is aspiring to be someone important one day. Of course, her third and last child, Amy, is 22 but has the mentality of a 15-year old, with tendancies to lie and manipulate to get where she wants to be in life. Right now, that's in the arms of a 30-year old man who lives with his parents and doesn't have a job or his own car. She even gave up her aspirations to be in the Marines...again. She didn't make it through bootcamp a few years ago because of a medical injury, which she blames on someone else. Our childrens' success doesn't completely reflect on our parenting though. Sometimes we are just a product of our environment. Everyone can make mistakes. I beileve its in how you deal with conflict that defines you the most. I have to dig deep to remember any good in my old friend, Maggy, but when I do there are times when I recall a loving mother who hugged her children and made their beds. I can remember a person who fixed all of their meals and took them to the doctor when they were sick. How can there be such conflict in a person?! Maybe its that there just isn't anything left of the old Maggy? Where did she go so very wrong? Wrong in that, for the three years prior to Amy living with us, she used her daughter. She kept Amy from getting a drivers license and then chastised her for it. Maggy took most of Amy's paychecks while her and her husband sat around jobless for three years! She took her daughter's dignity and turned her into a disturbed, bitter and confused young woman. I call that monstrous! Now that Amy is living with her again, I wonder if things are different. I wonder if Amy is happy because I know she went right back into Hell, itself. I won't be wishing Maggy Happy Mother's Day any time soon, but I'm sure hoping Amy comes around with an apology this weekend. Moreso, I'm happy to have my daughter in my life and I look forward to many good years ahead where my job shifts from mother to mentor.
twodayzgn twodayzgn
46-50, F
May 7, 2012