I Miss The Real Me

Why does time not remain the same?. why do people change ?. why relationship equation changes ?
I know I have changed also. I can’t speak out each and everything I want to share my thoughts and feelings but something within me holds... is it maturity or is it lesson learned through bites of reality.I don’t have any answer but I feel there must be a place where one can fully bare the heart so that a relief can be achieved or else unspoken words that beat inside tends to pull one down into rivers of grief.
But everything one demands are not getable still I feel childhood is the best time in life. I do miss its innocence and how easily it made us interacted without thinking of any consequences whatsoever.
why does the innocence get lost as we grow up ? why cant the flow of thoughts remain the same?why we need to protect and cocoon ourselves as we grow up.?
I remember how easily I could share everything with my mom every nittygritties but time passed and now the scenario has changed ,my heart pains still I can’t share with her ..why?? on the contrary wear a mask and pretend everything is fit and fine flaunting a fake smile but I do know she understands yet she gives me my space and this is how time has changed.
Yet In the hours of darkness I can feel she puts her hand on my head deep inside my heart cries out I want to scream mom I am hurting give me a hug I want to cry and say what is in my heart why my life has become what it is but I can’t.. I swallow my words pretend to sleep while in the heart of hearts crave she doesnot take her hand away.
Oh how I miss my innocent childhood days where I was me without the need to wear a mask and conceal things.I miss the real ME who got lost with time.
trappedwings trappedwings
31-35, F
Nov 30, 2012