I need to share this with someone. I don't want to ask my family and friends, because I don't want them to judge me. I feel like if I write it I will feel better. No there is not some deep dark secret. But there is a story. Background - I have never thought of myself as pretty. I was not popular in high school. I was average. I married a great looking man who was very popular and dated a lot. We have been married for several years. Some good and some very hard. He saw something in me that I did not see in myself. I helped me to get ahead in my career. At the same time he is very open about my faults. He makes jokes at my expense, " oh yeah you are a rocket scientist". Sometimes he is joking and I have to lighten up, but sometimes I get sick of hearing them.
Needless to say I am insecure. Because of that I don't reach out to him like I should, I wait for him to initiate things. I don't like this about myself. I need to change but i over think it all of the time. I know the first step is just to do it, but i get paralyzed by fear of rejection or that I look or sound dumb. Now he is on face book and has recently found his high school girlfriend. It has been over for 20 years. So why do I feel jealous? am I crazy? He also found many other friends from high school. So is it a natural curiosity? I don't know if anyone will answer but I actually feel better putting it in writing.