Feeling Insecure

I need to share this with someone. I don't want to ask my family and friends, because I don't want them to judge me. I feel like if I write it I will feel better. No there is not some deep dark secret. But there is a story. Background - I have never thought of myself as pretty. I was not popular in high school. I was average. I married a great looking man who was very popular and dated a lot. We have been married for several years. Some good and some very hard. He saw something in me that I did not see in myself. I helped me to get ahead in my career. At the same time he is very open about my faults. He makes jokes at my expense, " oh yeah you are a rocket scientist". Sometimes he is joking and I have to lighten up, but sometimes I get sick of hearing them.

Needless to say I am insecure. Because of that I don't reach out to him like I should, I wait for him to initiate things. I don't like this about myself. I need to change but i over think it all of the time. I know the first step is just to do it, but i get paralyzed by fear of rejection or that I look or sound dumb. Now he is on face book and has recently found his high school girlfriend. It has been over for 20 years. So why do I feel jealous? am I crazy? He also found many other friends from high school. So is it a natural curiosity? I don't know if anyone will answer but I actually feel better putting it in writing.

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2 Responses Mar 28, 2010

From reading your post I would say that you feel like you've married above yourself, as in you label yourself as 'Average' but refer to your husband as a 'Great looking.'<br />
You also refer to him as popular and that he dated alot. You sound like a sweet young lady who is very insecre. I dont know whether this is because of things that have happened in your life or that you are just that way in nature. You need to have more faith in yourself and like you said, your husband obviously saw something in you or he wouldn't have married you. As for the ex, could be something and nothing, but let him know how you feel and see what he says. Good Luck

You have every right to protect what it your and feel what you feel. Now I wouldn't go punishing him quite yet. I'm in my 40s, married 12yrs with kids, we are solid enough, but far from perfect. I would ask him if you could be her friend too. If she doesn't accept you, then you know that he or she is hiding something. He might surprise you and just dump her for good, if you asked him. Maybe he'll stop FBing her. <br />
I don't like the way he jokes with you, unless that's your foreplay. (Doesn't sound like it). Maybe dish it back, what does he think of being called "neanderthol man". In any case it's disrespectful, if you asked him to stop and he doesn't. He needs to be a man that would put your needs before his own (that means his need to FB his ex. for your need to feel secure in the relationship).<br />
Hang in there. It's still better to be married.