My Life..

I seem like a textbook happy teenager..
i'm 15, i have a part time job, a few good friends, and a girlfriend.
but for anyone who would care, they'd have to really look beyond all that...

for as long as i can remember, i have always had a split family,
my dad was abusive, did drugs, pawned everything we owned, just for drugs. we moved around to much, im the middle in a family of 4, my older brother, has terrible anger issues, and was always hitting me, mum, and my other siblings..
my older sister, from an early age was withdrawn, she had anxiety, depression, and was very suicidal, all while growing up,
my little brother strangely has no issues, i kinda envy him,

i have insomnia, Bipolar, ADHD, depression, anger problems, i have social problems, i can't talk loud, im always mumbling and stuttering.

and my mother while fighting depression, tried helping me through it all,
i use to visit my dad week on, week off, but he began to be, like he use to. and so i now live with my mum fulltime.

so now here's the whole story if my life, in short..

i was born in the city.. i was moved around for the next 2 years of my life, right up till my baby brother was born, then we stayed in the final house, as a full family..
one day my brother had a screaming match with dad, (older brother)
and mum intervened when dad grabbed him by the neck..
instead dad pushed her down and walked off..
this is my earliest memory and its where i believe my problems all root from,
mum within the next month had seperated from dad, been threatened to be shot and had many fights with dad,
she had become severely depressed, she wouldnt eat and the only thing she was living for was us children,
mum, was down to a size 8,
her size before the marriage was size 14,
from there, everything got better, we acted as if a normal family should, we moved away to the country, mum got better, and my older siblings got better and struggled less,
but my older brother still had neglection and anger issues, so he quickly began abusing mum, and threatening her, just like my father did,
this brang up bad memorys, and i couldnt cope, mum kicked him out.
i was about 10 when i first started talking to dad, again,
he seemed nicer than what i had remembered, but that all became clear it was all lies, he started abusing us, selling our things, forgetting us, becoming to ****** up to cook us dinner.

this continued for about 3 years.. until the point where i snapped, i had enough of being so awkward when my friends ask if they could come to my dads, because i didnt want them seeing my dad passed out, from his drugs..
i confronted him about it, and finally said something,
but my 'victory' was stopped as soon as it started, when he stood up and slapped me to the ground picked me up and did it again, and again, and again, and again.
until i broke away to fight back, i grabbed a broom and swung it at his head and missed, i did it again, and cracked his eyebrow, this sent him into a fit of anger, and grabbed me and threw me at the wall and screamed in my face..
i didnt tell anyone this, for about 2 more years up till about a month ago, when i decided to stop seeing my dad,

so the next 2 years went alot like that, i discovered music, and quickly became consumed by it, it gave me strength and courage.
and then one night dad had said something, about me being 'emo' and a ****** and liking ****** emo bands, and i love marilyn manson, so i quoted him, and dad stood up calmly and kicked my chair leg in, i fell to the ground and cracked my head on the table, on the way down.
that was the last night i spent there. and it always will be.
PostHuman17 PostHuman17
13-15, M
Jan 7, 2013