Shades Of Painits rough to live my life this way
i am slipping away more day to day
at times i wonder if 'all this' is real
are people just little cut out figurines
cause the world is so scary and strange so it seems
and no one to mirror my pain and my dreams
therefore maybe some comfort to imagine all of out there is a figment of my imaginings
the pain overwhelms me it drowns me each time
every time i feel i have lost my mind
the big blow it flattens my body my soul and my hopes
i wonder what's to rise up for what is left?
shades of gray colour my days, fears, regrets lost chances i'll never get
no one to come into my chaotic brain and hold my frantic heart and soothe me from within
i ask myself sometimes, do i only exist because you will me to exist, is that all that i am?
i move i act i put on facades, inside i am dying i am crying i am imploding
see how pretty i can look today, oh what a jokester i am
i cried myself to sleep today after you pushed me away and i smacked your arm in defense
i cried because that got me 'to falling' to thinking yet again about dying and the promise of no more agony
i wept today because that triggered me , the abuse i grew up with, can't seem to retreat from
seems like there isn't a safe harbor after all...
i cried in my room behind closed doors, you did not come to check on me
but wallowed in your self righteousness
is all life such a ******* farce?
cause if it is i just want out
i want the quiet peacefulness of nothing