I: Don't Care/ Do Care/ Am Wrong/ Am Afraid

If i don't care what other people think,
then I don't care.
BUT I DO CARE!!!
I care too much!!!
There is so much sadness in this world that I want to make sure I never bring any to anyone.
So I give away all my happiness to others
and keep all the sadness for myself.
BUT THE TRUTH IS I DON'T CARE!!!
I don't care if you don't think I'm right as long as you don't think I'm wrong.
Because I have a paralyzing fear of being wrong.
not of thinking wrong but of DOING wrong!
Because I can't think of anybody else as wrong 'cause I'm never right.
And I'm afraid of trying,
I'm afraid of not,
I'm afraid of wasting my life or anyone else's time,
I'm Afraid of dying,
I'm afraid of living!!!

And I'm most afraid of how I'M ALWAYS AFRAID!!!
And I'm terrified of how no one else is terrified
or at least they don't talk about it,
BUT NEITHER DO I!
heymoon95lw heymoon95lw
18-21, F
1 Response Dec 7, 2012

You have no clue just how much your poem spoke of what I feel inside soooooo often! o_O I can't even go into how much this issue has been at the core of my struggle to be even more than what I am now...it's that perilous bridge between a humdrum life and a life full of adventure...I keep looking back even now that I'm on that bridge to adventure...it's like I'm waiting for their approving smiles...but I know in my heart that all they can give me is half-hearted support...because they're even more afraid than I am of having adventures...I love my family, but their idea of love is actually rooted in fear. Fear of failure, fear of being let down or disappointed...but there's so much world to enjoy...even with the letdowns, there's got to be enough joyful happenings to balance it out...

So...what say we step further onto the bridge of not caring what anyone else thinks (at least not care so much we sacrifice our own happiness)? Because yes, there are things we want to do to be ethical and feel good about being ethical people. But since when is honoring others too much and not honoring ourselves truly ethical? It creates a martyr complex that most people would get annoyed by, I think. It's all a matter of balance...