La Dureté Du Mental

I'll begin with the dream that came before two episodes of sleep paralysis.

enter dream

My desire was to be recognized. I wanted to be an actor. I do like attention. A man saw this as a weakness of mine. he was a director. he offered me a position in a film. we started shooting right away. in the first scene i was to be fighting off the human-like forces that were coming towards me with the assumption that they were going to harm me. they were projections - of course. i could use my imagination to create any weapon i wanted to use to destroy them. over thinking (as usual) i let too many entities get too close to me before i could choose a weapon. so i resorted to a touch weapon. my fingers would kill them as soon as i touched each entity. alas, i was still too late on my decision. there were too many and i was overwhelmed so i threw a grenade at my feet that would kill them all, but end my life as well. the director was angry. of course the actor could not kill himself because - even though it completed the objective - it was cheating. i was fired. i was devastated. my one chance at fame and it was gone because of my stupid head. i always over think things. the director seemed to recognize this and let it be known that he was angry he had even given someone with a head like mine a chance. he was gone.
A woman stares at me. she is brunette. she is slender and of medium height. she definitely has curvature and fits my type exactly. her leather trench coat flails in the wind as she finishes her cigarette on her walk over to me. lustful vibes shiver down my spine as her large eyes penetrate my soul. she touches my chest and makes it clear what she wants. i want her too, but her aggression is a little disconcerting. the man from before, the director, approaches us. he stands very far away compared to how close i am to the woman. he introduces her as his wife. she desires my body for sexual purposes. he offers me the part in his film on the grounds that i sleep with her one time. she licks her lips in my peripheral.
Thoughts race through my head. everything i ever wanted is knocking at my door. but is this right? could i really defile myself by sleeping with another man's wife just so my dream can come true? i control my thoughts enough that i don't have to act on impulse. i choose to turn down the offer, feeling i've made the right move.

exit dream

awake, thinking nothing of the dream because i wish to fulfill my immediate needs, i go to grab some water before i return to bed, where the sleep paralysis happens.

enter sleep paralysis

a feminine presence is in my room. i can feel it. she is in the corner near my door. i go to see who it is and realize i cant move my body. i am on my back. i try to speak but can not. i'm not sure if my eyes are open or not, but i know everything that is going on in the room. my fan is on. i can hear its creak. i feel the blades push air onto my legs, gently moving the long blonde hairs of my calves. she approaches me. i feel her touch my chest, moving up to my collarbone. she rests there, staring at me. i realize who it is. she is the woman from my dream. she now wears a white dress. i am terrified. my heart starts to beat faster as i realize what is going on and that there is literally nothing i can do about it because my body is inept. her fingers brush my skin on my collarbone ever so gently as to caress the peach fuzz. then she moves her hand up my neck towards my face. i feel no immediate threat or harm but am beyond terrified. i call for god's help and see her smile as the alarm goes off on my truck that is parked outside. i panic and take matters into my own hands. i tell her that NOBODY is in my room and that she can not harm me nor should she even be there. I repeat to myself that NOBODY is in my room and am released from being held prisoner in my motionless body.

exit sleep

i sit up panting. heart racing. sweat beading. that was really intense and really vivid. its not the first time i've had sleep paralysis. terrified to re enter sleep i try to anyway, strictly out of curiosity.

enter sleep paralysis

a man is in my room. i recognize him as the director. again i am on my back. he stands in the corner. as we become conscious of one another he paces back and forth, hands behind his back. his presence is a little more threatening. i tell him he isn't real in my head. he laughs and proves his presence by taking my fan through all three speeds, including power off. (please note that my fan had been on the same speed for the past 9 months because i had accidentally ripped the cord off and the speed functions were useless plus there was no off switch). All three speeds are sensed vividly with sound and the feeling of the wind on my leg hairs. terrified i try to scream and kick and move but it seems i can't speak the same language in my head as that of the one it speaks to my body. desperate, i call for god's help. at this the director is angry and levitates the pillow beside me onto my face. all the wind is being pushed from my chest and i can not take a breath in. in a last ditch effort i rely on myself for salvation. i tell him that i can not be physically harmed and that NOBODY is in my room. reluctantly, he fades away as i wake up to catch my breath.

exit sleep paralysis

in reflection, i would like to point out a couple of things. i have no idea of the correlation between the roles of the people in the dream to their seemingly physical presence in my room. i do know that in real life there are things that i would like i.e fame, which is something that someone lusts for and perhaps thats why i had to give in to lust to get the thing that i lusted. karmic equality perhaps. everything i said about the car alarm and the fan were true and are key pieces to prove validity of my consciousness and sense perception. both times i did call for god, and am not sure if it was god who sent me signs (truck alarm and breathing) but am pretty sure that it was not god who intervened in the situation but it was my own will who stood up to the demon so i would not be possessed or scared any further or whatever may have happened had i not given the spell that banished them. the spell i speak of is not an incantation or anything that may be associated with something super or sub natural. it was taught to me by a wise man whose name i shant disclose without his permission. the true spell is in a language that i do not speak, but he assured me that as long as i thought and truly believed in my heart that i could not be harmed and projected love unto the entity that it could not break the laws of the universe and would have to leave my consciousness. this has worked on multiple occasions for me now and whether it is bullshit or not, it convinces my head that it works which in turn will work to my perceived world.

hopefully someone can use this for the benefit of all things good.
RossLyleHurley RossLyleHurley
22-25, M
1 Response Sep 11, 2012

Dude I give you props. I totally would of let that chick rape me haha. She sounded like my type to. Seriously though that's one very detailed episode you had. What made you resist that lust?