Title Unknown .

hey listen, i might sound very disturb or even crazy, but let me tell you my story. first of all i don't think i am crazy or deranged in any way, i am very mature even if i am only 19years old believe it or not, my experiences in life are beyond anything you could imagine. i come from a wealthy family but knew any kind of pain you could imagine. i am not gonna lie ( i know it's a anonymous website so.. ) anyway, to summarize, i have been raped when i was a kid once, and molested several years (my driver) i've been raised by my nanny (my mother was depressed for several years, i know she loves me more than anything but she had many problems too (money doesn't give you everything...) after that, she had to leave me when i was 16, i lived with my grand parents, it was okay but not perfect (my grand mother is an amazing woman, but she have her own issues) so at the end what do i have except myself ? i have good friends acctualy and a lot of them help me  A LOT. I am the only child so friends really are important to me. But except that i am very open to people, and my only wish in life is to make everyone smile as much as i can, i am funny person, kind, giving, i listen a lot, i give good advice, i am a good person and i am most of time compared to angelina jolie (i am never that confident but i am just saying the truth..)... I have the brain, the gesture, the education, the beauty and the fun... why shouldn't be HAPPY ? well, first i didn't do well in school ... i am from morocco, i've been to the best french school, i had my baccalaureate there. but screwed up university because i guess i was aware or didn't realize it was IMPORTANT. I hate myself about that and don't want to find reasons because of i've been through, life is BEAUTIFUL after all the problems that I had (believe me i summarized A LOT) i LOVE LIFE. I want to be happier. that's all.... anyway like i was saying, school is OFF. but i'm only 19years old, and i start back in january and know now what i want to do, and i am more than determined to DO IT! i always had a lack of confidence, went a bit junkie for 2 years (my 2 university years, a lot of weed, a LOT of alcohol, gain 14 kgs, was rude to my best friends in a crazy way, became jealous of people, in resumé i became depressed and hated my life) but i GOT OUT OF IT. i gain back myself. it was a long fight but did it,  because of my mother! i am also a bisexual... yeah i know i am weird... but i know i am a good person who LOVES to help and i am lucky at the end because people knows and went through worst (i am not being selfish, just realistic)... i also think A LOT... but i can't help it... it's a part of me so i accept it... but at the end, i am still high on smthg... i can't spend a day without being high... i don't smoke weed anymore... but i drink (even day time, sometimes when i wake up in the morning) i steal painkillers from my mother and also lexomil or stilnox ( i forgot, i am an INSOMNIAC since my mother left morocco when i was 16, i can't sleep if i am not high on something ) ... i live with my mother now, she is okay, she do her best, she is an amazing person trust me, but she is still a very fragile woman, she really is... she's trying very hard tho, and we talked about 75% of the things that i am saying to you.. so believe me SHE REALLY TRIES... she's gonna see a psychologic tomorrow, so i am happy about it.. but i don't like to  be the mother sometimes where i shouldn't even if it's less than before... anyway i am tired of writing, i hope i didn't bore to many people and that a few of you finished the reading! everything came from my heart.. just know that i appreciate it very much.. it helped a lot writing it! i am wishing you the best in your life. (peace out)
sarahbennis1 sarahbennis1
May 9, 2012