How To Negotiate A Bdsm Relationship, Part 1

In my opinion, I'm going to talk about in his post what is the best way to negotiate a BDSM relationship, as this is one of the most difficult things to do.

Often verbalized as in grunts moans oh god please never stop, at this stage in BDSM you will be in a relationship. You don't want to be handcuffed, someone standing over you with whips, chains, and so forth and realise you are not in the relationship you wanted. You need to take serious consideration before you end up in that situation, a his could be very dangerous.

There are lots of factors to consider when you are entering into a BDSM relationship.

What makes  sub and Dominant compatible?

Everyone's fantasy is personal: when looking for  partner making a list both of what you want from your partner as well as your desires, as you will have limits and they will too.

Ideal Dominant:

The ideal Master controls himself, and should be able to control his slave. He must  have spirit, compassion and more, and strength of character. He must fight for the sub/slave's honour. He understands the difference between the role of sub/ slave and Dom, he is honorable  he uses pain etc to extend pleasure, he will not want a sub/slave forced involuntarily to do anything. He is mentor, he will know how to guide his sub/slave in the right direction. He will have extreme strength, take his sub/slave to new heights she has never reached before.

A stern Dominant can cause tears to flow, a good dominant has control of his slave and cherishes her at all times.
 A good Dominant is not lazy, mentally or physically. He seeks a sub/slave with skills and knowledge  to teach him how to use BDSM toys and equipment to the best they can be.

He should have patience with the submissive, and should be patient enough to learn his submissive well.

He should know a sub slaves's nature, he should not want to violate that. When all of these things are done, sub/slave will have a deeper trust and will be under the complete domination and control.

He has no need for silly words, postures or actions, that does not mean that it is not permissible. He understands that compliance comes out of weakness, and fear of punishment, a weak situation. His tools are mind body and spirit, and he knows that love is the only thing that continues to bind them together.

A good sub/slave?

The ideal submissive will:
Have a mixture of strength and stubbornness  and be happy with being who she is. She is able to guide, to communicate what she needs. She will never be able to get enough of her Dom, and in her humanity is a beautiful creation.

She will want,  desire and be dedicated to her Dominant. She will submit happily to her Master, and he will be able to transform her,  the Dom will have to translate pain into pleasure, the crack of the whip is another step in her journey, drawing strength deeper and deeper within her, with deeper intensity than she has had as a slave before. She will tear away layers of her soul in her desire to serve her master.

"The ideal submissive, my perfect lover, will be the woman who can, time after time, become a mother of our bastard child, unfettered love".
Screw the Roses, send me the Thorns
Phillip Miller and Molly Devon

Sometimes negotiation of relationships can be very overwhelming. Sometimes you may realize that the Dominant or slave are not right for you, and you may just want to have scene time whilst you wait for the right one: the right one is vital, the wrong one a great deal of unhappiness. 

Negotiating sex in S and M?

It is very important to discuss S and M in the relationship : to some it is very important, to others not so. Some enjoy erotic play within the S and M, some don't. You should verbalize both what you want and what you are looking for. Some people are looking for spiced up sex, with sub/Dom tendencies and aspects.

For me, yes, I like the sex, but I like 24/7, APE (Absolute Power Exchange), I like want and need to be dominated outside of sex, sex being only  small part of my life. 


This is a very complicated subject as some people in BDSM are into this and others not. I will do my best to explain it.

I live APE/ TPE, 24/7.
In the beginning you should have voluntary, consensual submission, but in my opinion this is at the beginning only.

The exchange of power is a balanced exchange, the sub slave gives up their power, the Master takes all power over in the relationship.  Love is not  single thing that can be boxed and labeled: every relationship, whether BDSM or Vanilla, is different.

Without trust, it is very difficult to enter into a TPE /APE style relationship, as the sub should rely on her Dom's judgement. Understand thee need of the sub/ slave. The sub slave will have dependency upon the Dom, if you are new into TPE/APE, the Dom should not push the limits too far too fast at the start.

The sub should communicate her feeling to her Dom is she is new to all this.

There should be mutual love between sub and Dom, and hopefully there should be a tight binding love between the two . The slave belongs to the Dom, and he should feel responsible for her. The Dom may request the slave to e marked, tattooed, branded etc, and to wear a collar.

There should be trust and total love between both partners. The sub will be emotionally dependent on the Dom, and the Dom must act responsibly towards his slave.

The Dom makes the decisions, and the sub accepts it. The Dom decides, the sub accepts it, both "inside" and "outside" the scene. The Dom helps,cares for and defends his slave at all times. A slave will have the desire to appease her Dom, she will agree to obey his commands and she accepts his desires and opinions.

The Master should be the must important thing in the life of the slave, and she should have deep devotion to him. The sub/slave should never question anything the Master asks from her - there are NO limits after agreeing on APE/TPE. The slave is his property and must as he says, to the point of selling her if that is what he wants to do. Disobedience will be met with punishment ro m the master. She must not just obey, but anticipate his wants, needs and desires. She expects punishment when she fails his orders or expectations. She has no personal desires and wants, other than she "Lives to Serve".

sevdaslaveandmaster sevdaslaveandmaster
Dec 11, 2012