How To Negotiate A Bdsm Relationship Part 2: Http://

Ownership and lifestyle

Thre are many good Master/slave relationships n BDSM. They have a specil kind of bond, which I believe to be very different from those of a Vanilla relationship.

While it is obvious why a Dom would want to own a slave, but the strongest drive comes from the sub/slave, a pointed question is often asked; "Why would an adult want to be treated like a child".

Many believe that it is to escape the modern world, some people think they want to break free of controlling their own life and allowing someone else to control them.That is not always true. What greater gift can you give another - 100% of yourself? And what greater thing can you receive than someone who want to control you - 100%? The feeling of being owned is a feeling of being wanted, cared for etc.

Some people in BDSM believe hat there should be limits, safe words etc. Me, personally  I believe once you are accepted as slave to  Master the should be no safe words.

There are different types of slave. There re scene players, who act out limited "scenes", there are people like me, 2/7, hey believe that BDSM is a life style to be lived. Some BDSM master and slave people are very open in their community, others like myself are not ashamed but are careful with who we share.

Successful long-term master slave relationship usuually ends with 24/7, and often in marriage between Dom and sub/slave. Even if the Master controls the slave, it does not denote tht the master doesn't love the slave.

Sometimes, in m/s relationships, the slave can control certain parts of the relationship, such as cooking, cleaning etc, but the Master, ultimately sets the rules. When a sub/Master relationship ends, it can be very difficult. Me, personally, I was in a sub/Dom relationship 24/7 for 7 years, it ended and i foun it very difficult for two years or more until I found another one. It can be hard for the Master, but for the slave, used to the absolute control, far harder.

Abusive relationships.

There are some people who get into BDSM, who are looking for someone to abuse in the community. He believes that he has some mysterious power within him that gives him some sort of ability to abuse subs and slaves by right.

Also there is a serious problem with toe people who refuse to allow the sub/slave to leave because of APE/TPE, because unless they are released by the Dom, can be very dangerous.

Me personally I was in a good BDSM relationship for 5 years, the last two years i was abuse  b, left for dead once. I had given up my right to leave, an had to escape to get away from the relationship because of the abuse.

A skilfully  abusive dominant is very good at knowing which buttons to push to keep the slave within the relationship. Often that she is a bad sub/slave if she leaves, but this does not mean that if she is "fed up" with her master she can merely walk away, this is about abuse. And of course, if you think your life is endangered, or at the risk of  violence, then you need to get away in whatever way is right for you.


Some peole have many limits, others have none. In jy personal opinion, for limits, you have - before you decide to b a lave to a dom - you need to talk about these limits. After that there should, excepting those pe agreed, be no imit.

Before you enter into your relationship you need to think ong nd hard about limits, what you really will and won't do (there is a list further down the page herqe)

Safe words

me personally I don't go for safe words, I set my limits at the begging o my relationship, I don't go for safe words, that's not to say they are wrong, I just don't. If ou are going to set a safe word, then you need to find a word that will ring an alarm bell in your Dom.


Me, I dont go for contracts. I live in the UK, not neccesay. in the US, where you can be sued heavily if things go wrong, you need the protection of a contract.  If you are going to go the contract route, go to a lawyer.


I have been a slave for 20 years, I have some bad experiences in BDSM, and there is something I would never do. Not that I am right, thi is just my personal opinion. I would never go to the police because of a bad argument  or that the Dom had pissed me off that particular day, or make allegations that were untrue. Also in BDSM there can be accidents, you just have to accept that. Me personally, 15 weeks ago I broke my leg, and it needed to be pinned back together. I accepted what was a BDSM accident.

List of BDSM sub fetishes you should consider BEFORE you get into a relationship: 


Spanking - Hand
Lather paddle
Wooden Paddle
cat o' Nine Tails Deerskin
cat o'Nine Tails - Braided
Rubber whip
Knotted whip
Single Lash
Plastic rod
Riding crop


metal Bondage
Silk Scarves
Nylon rope
Cotton Rope
leather Bondage
Spandex Bondage
Plastic Wrap
Body Bags
leather cuffs
Steel Shackles
Arm sleeves
Strait jackets
Spreader bars
Wall Hooks
Ceiling Hooks
Outdoor, indoor and public
1-3 hour duration
3-6 hour duration

Torture, Sensory Deprivation

sexual teasing
Sexual denial
chastity belt
hair pulling
Nipple clamps
Clothes pins
Genital torture
water torture
Oils lotions and spices
Hot wax, fire and ice
Needles and cutting


Cyber sex
Directed ************
vaginal sex
Oral sex
An Sex
Anal plugs
Multiple penetration
Anal *******
vaginal *******
Fantasy rape
Group sex


Foot kissing,
Crawling on lead/leash
verbal abuse
Public embarassment
Face slapping
Secret sex in public
Public sex
Public whipping
Golden showers

Dress and ornamentation

prim and proper
Adult baby
High heels
Body Piercing














sevdaslaveandmaster sevdaslaveandmaster
1 Response Dec 12, 2012

Many old timers also say to be a good Master, you should have been a better slave. In reading this, I don't see you as having done either. Your "story" sounds extremely self serving.