I'm A Phoenix

I have a phoenix tattooed on my back. Since I was 13, I always been very depressed and anxious. I was bullied everyday of every year of school. I was mentally, physicaly and verbaly bullied. As a result, I started cutting and hating myself. I tried to commit suicide a 14 but the gun I found in my mother drawer was empty.
I tried again at 18. Almost made it, but someone found me curled in the snow, a few feet away from a river. I took all my anxiety pills and was waiting to die. I was half dead when that person found me. I was always seeind psychiatrist, taking antidepressant and anti anxiety pill, could'nt figure out why I xouldn't snap out of it.
And then one day, I listened to a beautiful song. The group is Harmonium. It's a french group, from quebec.
In the song, they sing:
«Si un jour c'est trop pour toi
Et tu te sens déffaillir,
Tu n'as plus vraiment le choix,
Faut guérir ou en finir.
Quand ce jour arrivera, ce matin plein d'horizon
Le soleil te parlera et tu perdras la raison.
Mais attends moi...attends moi...»

Traduction: «If one day it's too much for you
And you feel like broking down
You don't really have the choice
You heal or you die
When this day will come
The sun will talk to you, and you will loose your mind
But wait for me...wait for me....»

It's not as beautiful in english. But then it hit me: This day has come. I have to heal or to die. And the sudden realisation that I didn't really wanted to die, I wanted to stop hurting.
Everything didn't fall into place all of a sudden, but now I knew: I could only feel better and better.
So I got a phoenix tattoo on my back, because like them. I burned and then was reborn from my ashes. It's the circle of death and ressurection.
Now when I am feeling down, I remember that I can live it through, because I am a Phoenix!
ps: sorry for my poor english, i'm french
symbule symbule
22-25, F
1 Response May 8, 2012

i feel you. I've been thinking of getting a phoenix myself for quite sometime. I just cant settle for a design. I hope you are doing well now. I have this theory that if you tattoo your past experiences then you somehow make peace with them and move on.