First Time In Ages!

Today is already the third day in a row that I've been feeling better. It's actually not just better, it's really "all right". I don't know how else to put it. I'm feeling all right. Like as if I was alive. Not overly happy, really, but then, moments of pure happiness have been a rarity for me ever since I was able to think for myself. I'm sure this is already so much more than I could ever have expected at this point.

Now that as such is already an amazing achievement, although I'm sure I shouldn't call it that - for this is nothing I have achieved, it's something that just happened to me and I did nothing special (that I was aware of) to earn this or help it happen.
Today I also deleted someone from my Skype contacts that I should have deleted months ago - half a year, no, wait, almost seven months ago to be precise. Just one click and whoosh!, he's gone. I didn't block him or anything, but I know he won't try to contact me again anyway, so it doesn't really make a difference.

And now the most wonderful part of it all, I didn't feel bad after I did it. If anything, I felt relieved. And that made me happy.

I might be getting my life back. I can't be sure if it's for real this time, but even if I fall back down once again, I'll know there is a chance for me to go back to the way things used to be before I fell in love and all that.

Can I just say this clearly once more (sorry, I know it might be getting boring, but this is kind of a big thing for me)- I'm not feeling depressed. Not depressed. I'm all by myself and I'm not depressed. It's Saturday and I've left the house by choice.I went to the pharmacy to pick up something for my cold, and remembered my bottle of rescue spray was almost empty, so I got a new one out of the shelf, then put it back thinking to myself, I can go on from here without them. Over the past days I've gotten such an incredible amount of letting go work done that today I feel like I'd rather not have anything to do with him ever again, to save myself the pain. That is a thought that never occured to me throughout all the time that has passed, until today.

I feel like I might be getting somewhere.
Which is why I'm happy.
finaldeadline finaldeadline
18-21, F
May 5, 2012