A Good DayI look around in this house and it is not a home to me. They've changed everything inside it. I walk through the halls and I simply wonder why the hell do i live here. Sure this is my family but should my family really make me feel the way they do. Then i feel awful for thinking that but deep inside I know things have been a bit unfair. I am not gonna lie there are good days, but lately they are rare. Today was a pretty good day and it felt amazing to actually feel happier than I do on a normal day. Maybe it was the fact that I didn't realize where I was, in my mind I was in a completely different place. But then all it took was the presence of someone I didn't want to be around and it sent me spiraling down a fast tunnel to destruction. It made my heart rate increase, my control decreased, I wanted to scream, wanted to punch the wall till my hand broke and i could feel the sweet crunching of my bones, then the last thing i wanted was to slit my wrists and just feel and watch the blood flow out until there was no blood left. Let the people of my world know I was not okay, the things in life were not the way they should be. I don't know why i feel the need to post stories and tell people about my life, but it brings a little release and it ebs my pain to get it off my chest. I guess simply because I don't really have anyone that i can go to and tell about whats going on, the one person I do I can't because of the effect it would have. So in all senses im starting to feel as alone as ive ever felt. Everytime this happens i want to bleed until i can't no more. As my depression steadily worsens and I can't pull myself out of the pain, i get closer and closer to slicing my wrists and bleeding out just to finally be free of all the pain.
deleted 26-30 1 Response 2 Oct 24, 2011