A Good Day

I look around in this house and it is not a home to me. They've changed everything inside it. I walk through the halls and I simply wonder why the hell do i live here. Sure this is my family but should my family really make me feel the way they do. Then i feel awful for thinking that but deep inside I know things have been a bit unfair. I am not gonna lie there are good days, but lately they are rare. Today was a pretty good day and it felt amazing to actually feel happier than I do on a normal day. Maybe it was the fact that I didn't realize where I was, in my mind I was in a completely different place. But then all it took was the presence of someone I didn't want to be around and it sent me spiraling down a fast tunnel to destruction. It made my heart rate increase, my control decreased, I wanted to scream, wanted to punch the wall till my hand broke and i could feel the sweet crunching of my bones, then the last thing i wanted was to slit my wrists and just feel and watch the blood flow out until there was no blood left. Let the people of  my world know I was not okay, the things in life were not the way they should be. I don't know why i feel the need to post stories and tell people about my life, but it brings a little release and it ebs my pain to get it off my chest. I guess simply because I don't really have anyone that i can go to and tell about whats going on, the one person I do I can't because of the effect it would have. So in all senses im starting to feel as alone as ive ever felt. Everytime this happens i want to bleed until i can't no more. As my depression steadily worsens and I can't pull myself out of the pain, i get closer and closer to slicing my wrists and bleeding out just to finally be free of all the pain. 
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1 Response Oct 24, 2011

I have nothing to say to really deter you. I don't know you, your life, your anything. I guess I would just say don't be in too much of a hurry but don't wait forever. Good things will come your way but you have to be ready to receive them. If not you might as well call it quits. But really think hard before you do it because it hurts people. It hurts people a lot.