My Own Book

I feel like I'm writing a book but instead of starting from the beginning I'm writing several chapters at once. So many different sides to me, so many things they think they know but I'm only giving out the chapters that they need, the details they expect, want, wish to hear. My boss, who I also consider a friend, doesn't understand mental illness therefore those sides are kept out. And that organized office that I run like the biggest Navy ship is the total opposite of the unmade bed and dishes in my sink I have at home. Then there are all those committees and groups that I am involved in... if they only knew that the outspoken, full of ideas girl they see goes home to become a recluse locked away. If it were up to me I'd never leave the safety of my home but I force myself to live in all those chapters at once and give each what they need to see. I'm always looking to start a new chapter, reinvent myself, live another dream but I can't seem to finish the others and living so many at once is a tad exhausting.

mysplitpersonality mysplitpersonality
36-40, F
1 Response May 8, 2010

Exactly what I feel like sometimes. But I think what you have to do is stop living up to other people's expectations. I found out that what I thought were my ambitions were actually someone elses. You got to pull back and really figure out what you like, maybe then you'll stop feeling like you have a personality disorder :)