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Because My Life Is Destroyed

I don't know really where to begin.  My life has been in shambles since I was 18 and I don't see how its ever going to change.  There is no light at the end of the tunnel for me. 
When I was 18 years old (young and dumb) I was convicted of a felony theft.   This single criminal act has completely ruined my life.  I did not go to jail but I may of well had.  People make mistakes especially young people.  I am not suggesting that there shouldn't be any consequences for your actions.  But, a life time of barriers and restraints is far too much.  It has been over 15 years and I still face the same collateral consequences for a felony conviction.  I cannot obtain employment and descent housing. If I cannot find a job how am I to survive.  Yeah I can work at burger king (maybe) but who is that going to support. That won't support my family I am a mother of 3 children and I do not receive a penny in child support.  I went to college to further my education only to find out that once I am done with college I cannot obtain a license in my major no matter how far up the educational latter I go.  I am stuck with the
"mark of Cain."  It is depressing I have contemplated committing suicide several times.  If it were not for my children and my concern for their well being than I probably would of done it by now.  But, then again they may do well with out me, at least they'll live better not povern because of mommies mistake.   I wish I could start a new life...But there is no such thing for me the "mark of Cain" will forever find me...
wasigirl wasigirl 31-35, F 126 Responses Oct 20, 2010

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Sorry. sounds tuff I think you have what it takes to survive youve been doing it for 15 plus years wwent to college aqnd have three wonderful children. Deep within I believe there is hope for you, you just havent found it yet.

Mark of cain..huh?! Didn't we go over this last summer?! I believe we did. Enjoy the toys.

I believe in you.

That's how screwed up the corrupt court system is here and the sadistic creeps and bozos that run it. They don't care if they ruin someone's entire life to where they may as well just turn to a life of crime because they can't get decent employment and get desperate. If that had happened to me then I'd most likely make a living off the grid at anything I could legal or not because that would be my best option at that point.<br />
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I'm a very long time tech professional with an entirely clean record and passivist leaning but law enforcement in this country is out of control and scares me and I've seen way to many people harmed or killed for no good reason.

You can also contact you state representative. The sujestions above are right on too. The main thing is don't give up on yourself, you are worth it and mean a lot to those children. Keep in touch with ep.

You have to talk to an attorney, there's so many things we don't know about the law and how things can get fixed. Don't stop fighting for your life!

Aw, that's sad. expecially cos you didn't do it. whatever you do, don't kill yourself cos your kids need you, and im sure they love you even if youre broke. :) who knows? maybe if you were gone they would be worse off than they were. being abused in a foster home. chin up. x

I'm so sorry that you have had to suffer consequences of what happened so long ago. I would think that you need to just be the best you can right now. Tell people yes I made a mistake but that was a long time ago. I have grown up and am a responsible adult. Even if it is Burger King, that is a job. You can work hard and be the best you can be there. then once you establish a solid work record and maybe even if you were manager, then you can move on to a better job. You need to be there for your children, give them all of your love and attention as possible. They will return the affection. You need to work hard to do the best for you and your family. You and your children deserve the best that life has to offer. Good luck to you.

One thing you can do is ask if somehow you can have the felony expunged from the record but make a legal document about paying restitution. Explain to the court that it's impossible to pay back the money because the felony conviction prevents you from getting a decent job. A pro-bono lawyer could help here.

You can usually get the felony off of your record after that long, but it depends on what state you're in. In Kentucky for example you can get it expunged after only seven years, but you have to avoid misdemeanors as well during that time.

ask urself this did i have kids to keep a man or did i plan to have kids....see women everywhere and men i might add sleep around thinking its all fine and dandy till a baby pops up then it the blame game he said and she said should no longer matter. you both wanted to have sex for your own greedy desires whether it be physical or emotional and karma came around like karma does to everyone me included.i admit iwas a kid once for like 30 years but sometimes you have to stop and look back at the reasons you did what u did was it for you or for the other is there any hiddenagenda that u have itsy bitsy tiny feeling that ur in it because you want something or think u need something.

If your rejected by the system you could try working for yourself a little bit of ebay trading would speed up paying off the restitution just keep an eye out for clearance sales and Yard sales you dot need much capital

yes sales are good! i just went to target and bought veggies frozen ones for a buck and caned goods for less than a dollar...... you can buy loafs of bread for a buck ......and target had a coupon if you buy 150.00 then you get back 15.00...... i stocked up on thier canned goods that was on sale and i got the 15 bucks back

Stop it. You are brave you got this far. I will let you wallow since you need to do tbat to see.the light. You have three reasons stop wallowing. Okay so your life isn't what you wanted its left its scar on you and you are dark and bitter...so what are you going to about it? All this fight just to sit down? I dont think that is you, you are a fighter so keep going. Let's see how much you embrace depression. Or dojo would prefer your stop staring into the abyss and back away from that ledge. Go take care of your kids make yourself happy its not that hard to do. I could give you a swift kick on the *** to.jumpstart you, but since you are a fighter let's spar for bit so you relieve this stress.

You are traveling a hard road that so many people have gone done...one moment, one life decision haunts a lifetime. I am sorry you are going through this. I am hopeful that you will be able to have this removed. I agree with others that there are MANY work at home opportunities that can provide a surprising amount of income. <br />
I have been very successful in mine. I can guide you into some options if you are interested. Just send me a note.<br />
Also, try to get it taken off. You were young, and if you have lived a good clean life since then you deserve a 2nd chance..

Let the past go and consider the insight you have gained, espcially already defeated when you apply for a well paying job, baby sitting may be a good start depending on your kids, but back to what I was saying. CALM DOWN -Take a Breath _LAUGH at your inner warrior incarnating into this bull, but learn you insights. LOVE yourself, though others will always find fault with you, it doesnt mean it is true? They are not your Authority, the answer keepers. Many people or all people go thru some really hard knocks, but I refuse to give in after surviving 49 years, They can all kiss my ***, I may fumble, but I will party hard when I overcome a hard as hell time, and you do the same -The answers tio escape the Pit of Dispair are within you, just allow the spirits help a bit, you really arent alone. I am not religious, but spiritual and do all kinds of stuff that most of society would judge me for...I laugh and let it go. So..Go laugh at this predicament unti you cry and giggling get the hiccups. Good Luck. Kim

It's been a year since you posted this story and I hope my response finds you in a much better condition having sorted things out a bit. Don't blame yourself for it, you're only hurting and punishing yourself. Everybody has made mistakes, other people get away with major crimes and look at you, condemning yourself for a felony theft. Alright, yeah, it was stupid of you to do it in the first place but everybody makes different kinds of mistakes and there should be quite a few chances for them to make up for it. What country do you live in? I can't believe how cruel the society around you has to be to label you permanently like this. Maybe it's the others' fault too, have you thought about that? If they can't even imagine that it's possible that you've learned from your own mistakes, then I say get your kids, pack your bags and go on to live in a different country!

There are people who are in much worse situations than yourself and have come out the other end relatively well. I know one of them, however, I cannot share the details.

I am in a similar position.<br />
I was convicted for grievous bodily harm 3 years ago- thankfully I was sentenced to 3 years probation, not a custodial term.<br />
As far as I have managed to research my conviction is expunged in 2 years- However I still can't do anything to do with kids vulnerable people, or anything worthwhile in my eyes; without disclosing it.<br />
All I can say is every case has it's own merits and if you explain your situation then they have to make a decision from that.<br />
If you find you are totally turned away from everything job-wise (I would be surprised) then it is their loss for not seeing changes you have made.<br />
BEST WISHES<br />
XO

I said a prayer for you.

if no other run ins with the courts you can have it removed after 5 years

All I can say is wow. It could be worse. Yes you could bein my situation. I was influenced and raped at 15 and the guy went to my highschool spread around that I did this and then everyone hated me from that day forward. If your wrongdoing was connected to a sexual action then everyone immediatly thinks of you as though you must be really sexual or angry toward you almost like a hate camp. I didnt ask to be in that situation but was led there. I'm a human being, and is one sin really that much worse than the other? I didnt get sad sympathetic ongoing paragraphs of mercy. Instead I got people who are interested in sex befriending me. Every job I've been at since highschool my co-workers have been harassing me because the words from highschool follow me everyplace I go --even out of state. You say thats impossible? Come walk in my shoes. I went to college after highschool received that degree started a profession only to find what you already know. I get hired but then I get harassed because they find out after Im there all about what was beleived of me way back when I was in highschool. I could change careers but then all anyone would have to do is find out where I am and it would start all over. I have no voice as a female, what am I to say? I am angry with god for putting me in this position. Now I cannot support myself and my kids either but would not receive the support by others as you. My life was destroyed, you still may have a chance.

how does ones high school rep follow them ? are you using names from ur high school days as references? or did you live in a small town where every one knows each other bizz?

Why not try to run your own business? That's how I started over. But my problem was from drinking too much. So it's a bit different. You can go to any library to learn about operating a business. Find something you love to do and make money with it. I love to cook and I am a cook. But I started with the mailorder business to get money. No loans. Lots of people buy things. Online business might be better than mailorder.

the darkness is created because of the lack of light. so really the darkness only exists because the light dims. there is no good and bad just less good then usual. your life does sound extremely hard. why cant you get your major? and may i ask which country you are in? it sounds like something was wrong. like i dont see how a job cant be attained. i know people who have been to jail and can get a job. i dont understand that. and why no child support? he just wont pay? go to court. the system will pay for lawyers. its good you havent given up. very commendable. most would have given up. but pick a problem. beat it then move on to the other. if not ask for help. if you want my help ask. same if you need someone to talk to. ive heard of almost all situations. i suggest talking to a judge to get it removed.

People in despair often come down to two mode of giving up on their lives, one is to think of suicide and two is to live as though they are dead.<br />
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Mentally in such situation people confront an end of a road, so to speak. But in reality there is no such thing as a dead end in life. At every day's end, every one in the world face the same ending, what we all have in common is the next day, the future.<br />
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Do not define your future from what you know about your past. Believe it or not, your past has nothing to do with your future. There are many many tales of ordinary or even failing people turn out to rise above and live extraordinary lives. I am one example, I was born in an underdeveloped country where there was no rights or advance education for women, women were born to be subject to a life of the hardship and suffering, people in general were poor and ill. After that my family escape by the sea and now I end up in the USA, where education is there for all, women can speak in public and live as they pleased. No way in my dream that I could predict my future 20 something years ago...<br />
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Forget about the past. Do not reason or bargain with your past. The change must begin now. Do what others have suggested on here. <br />
<br />
*Resolve your legal problems with the help of a court appointed lawyer or legal aid.<br />
*Get some child support to help lift off some financial burden on you and your children. Although men may make it hard for you to get money from them, in the end, I think they will understand that it is for the sake of their kids.<br />
*Start a homeba<x>se or small business while waiting for your situation to resolve.<br />
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I realize that we often underestimate our own abilities. Why waste your mental energy on worries, and sadness and not put all that energy to use in more practical ways, make changes in your life.

Keep your chin up, both figuratively as well literally.<br />
It maybe a slow process, but open YouTube and watch<br />
'the secret' and 'mind movies' I do that.<br />
<br />
If you need a more volitional activity.<br />
Thank God for what you have; that it is not worse. Or,<br />
Call the tv preachers and pray. Pray hard.

Help some young misguided 18y/o by taking her into your experience and prevent it happening to her. When you share your experience and enrich another life, it was not in vain. Give of yourself and you will receive threefold back.

Help some young misguided 18y/o by taking her into your experience and prevent it happening to her. When you share your experience and enrich another life, it was not in vain. Give of yourself and you will receive threefold back.

All the above advice is excellent. Go for any help you can get from the government. Welfare, food stamps, medical assistance....anything you can think of. Housing etc., etc., <br />
Also, do you have family who could maybe help you pay your restitution?<br />
You are maybe already doing all of these things, but if not....begin.<br />
Food banks, Salvation Army etc...There is so much help out there for people who <br />
really need the help.<br />
Good Luck and God Bless You and Yours!

I am truely sorry that you are experiencing this. Despite the difficulties there is much good yo u can do in this life.<br />
There are lawyers who donate time to people perhaps you can speak with them.<br />
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Loving those children is a most important job. Stay strong!

You are not your label. Even though you face very serious obstacles, you can perserve. Not everyone is prejudiced against someone with one criminal conviction. Find a way, not just to put food on the table, but to feed your heart, and do that while you are working on restitution. Love yourself.