Because My Life Is Destroyed

I don't know really where to begin.  My life has been in shambles since I was 18 and I don't see how its ever going to change.  There is no light at the end of the tunnel for me. 
When I was 18 years old (young and dumb) I was convicted of a felony theft.   This single criminal act has completely ruined my life.  I did not go to jail but I may of well had.  People make mistakes especially young people.  I am not suggesting that there shouldn't be any consequences for your actions.  But, a life time of barriers and restraints is far too much.  It has been over 15 years and I still face the same collateral consequences for a felony conviction.  I cannot obtain employment and descent housing. If I cannot find a job how am I to survive.  Yeah I can work at burger king (maybe) but who is that going to support. That won't support my family I am a mother of 3 children and I do not receive a penny in child support.  I went to college to further my education only to find out that once I am done with college I cannot obtain a license in my major no matter how far up the educational latter I go.  I am stuck with the
"mark of Cain."  It is depressing I have contemplated committing suicide several times.  If it were not for my children and my concern for their well being than I probably would of done it by now.  But, then again they may do well with out me, at least they'll live better not povern because of mommies mistake.   I wish I could start a new life...But there is no such thing for me the "mark of Cain" will forever find me...
wasigirl wasigirl
31-35, F
123 Responses Oct 20, 2010

Sorry. sounds tuff I think you have what it takes to survive youve been doing it for 15 plus years wwent to college aqnd have three wonderful children. Deep within I believe there is hope for you, you just havent found it yet.

Mark of cain..huh?! Didn't we go over this last summer?! I believe we did. Enjoy the toys.

I believe in you.

That's how screwed up the corrupt court system is here and the sadistic creeps and bozos that run it. They don't care if they ruin someone's entire life to where they may as well just turn to a life of crime because they can't get decent employment and get desperate. If that had happened to me then I'd most likely make a living off the grid at anything I could legal or not because that would be my best option at that point.<br />
<br />
I'm a very long time tech professional with an entirely clean record and passivist leaning but law enforcement in this country is out of control and scares me and I've seen way to many people harmed or killed for no good reason.

You can also contact you state representative. The sujestions above are right on too. The main thing is don't give up on yourself, you are worth it and mean a lot to those children. Keep in touch with ep.

You have to talk to an attorney, there's so many things we don't know about the law and how things can get fixed. Don't stop fighting for your life!

Aw, that's sad. expecially cos you didn't do it. whatever you do, don't kill yourself cos your kids need you, and im sure they love you even if youre broke. :) who knows? maybe if you were gone they would be worse off than they were. being abused in a foster home. chin up. x

I'm so sorry that you have had to suffer consequences of what happened so long ago. I would think that you need to just be the best you can right now. Tell people yes I made a mistake but that was a long time ago. I have grown up and am a responsible adult. Even if it is Burger King, that is a job. You can work hard and be the best you can be there. then once you establish a solid work record and maybe even if you were manager, then you can move on to a better job. You need to be there for your children, give them all of your love and attention as possible. They will return the affection. You need to work hard to do the best for you and your family. You and your children deserve the best that life has to offer. Good luck to you.

One thing you can do is ask if somehow you can have the felony expunged from the record but make a legal document about paying restitution. Explain to the court that it's impossible to pay back the money because the felony conviction prevents you from getting a decent job. A pro-bono lawyer could help here.

You can usually get the felony off of your record after that long, but it depends on what state you're in. In Kentucky for example you can get it expunged after only seven years, but you have to avoid misdemeanors as well during that time.

ask urself this did i have kids to keep a man or did i plan to have kids....see women everywhere and men i might add sleep around thinking its all fine and dandy till a baby pops up then it the blame game he said and she said should no longer matter. you both wanted to have sex for your own greedy desires whether it be physical or emotional and karma came around like karma does to everyone me included.i admit iwas a kid once for like 30 years but sometimes you have to stop and look back at the reasons you did what u did was it for you or for the other is there any hiddenagenda that u have itsy bitsy tiny feeling that ur in it because you want something or think u need something.

If your rejected by the system you could try working for yourself a little bit of ebay trading would speed up paying off the restitution just keep an eye out for clearance sales and Yard sales you dot need much capital

yes sales are good! i just went to target and bought veggies frozen ones for a buck and caned goods for less than a dollar...... you can buy loafs of bread for a buck ......and target had a coupon if you buy 150.00 then you get back 15.00...... i stocked up on thier canned goods that was on sale and i got the 15 bucks back

You are traveling a hard road that so many people have gone moment, one life decision haunts a lifetime. I am sorry you are going through this. I am hopeful that you will be able to have this removed. I agree with others that there are MANY work at home opportunities that can provide a surprising amount of income. <br />
I have been very successful in mine. I can guide you into some options if you are interested. Just send me a note.<br />
Also, try to get it taken off. You were young, and if you have lived a good clean life since then you deserve a 2nd chance..

Let the past go and consider the insight you have gained, espcially already defeated when you apply for a well paying job, baby sitting may be a good start depending on your kids, but back to what I was saying. CALM DOWN -Take a Breath _LAUGH at your inner warrior incarnating into this bull, but learn you insights. LOVE yourself, though others will always find fault with you, it doesnt mean it is true? They are not your Authority, the answer keepers. Many people or all people go thru some really hard knocks, but I refuse to give in after surviving 49 years, They can all kiss my ***, I may fumble, but I will party hard when I overcome a hard as hell time, and you do the same -The answers tio escape the Pit of Dispair are within you, just allow the spirits help a bit, you really arent alone. I am not religious, but spiritual and do all kinds of stuff that most of society would judge me for...I laugh and let it go. So..Go laugh at this predicament unti you cry and giggling get the hiccups. Good Luck. Kim

There are people who are in much worse situations than yourself and have come out the other end relatively well. I know one of them, however, I cannot share the details.

I am in a similar position.<br />
I was convicted for grievous bodily harm 3 years ago- thankfully I was sentenced to 3 years probation, not a custodial term.<br />
As far as I have managed to research my conviction is expunged in 2 years- However I still can't do anything to do with kids vulnerable people, or anything worthwhile in my eyes; without disclosing it.<br />
All I can say is every case has it's own merits and if you explain your situation then they have to make a decision from that.<br />
If you find you are totally turned away from everything job-wise (I would be surprised) then it is their loss for not seeing changes you have made.<br />

I said a prayer for you.

if no other run ins with the courts you can have it removed after 5 years

All I can say is wow. It could be worse. Yes you could bein my situation. I was influenced and raped at 15 and the guy went to my highschool spread around that I did this and then everyone hated me from that day forward. If your wrongdoing was connected to a sexual action then everyone immediatly thinks of you as though you must be really sexual or angry toward you almost like a hate camp. I didnt ask to be in that situation but was led there. I'm a human being, and is one sin really that much worse than the other? I didnt get sad sympathetic ongoing paragraphs of mercy. Instead I got people who are interested in sex befriending me. Every job I've been at since highschool my co-workers have been harassing me because the words from highschool follow me everyplace I go --even out of state. You say thats impossible? Come walk in my shoes. I went to college after highschool received that degree started a profession only to find what you already know. I get hired but then I get harassed because they find out after Im there all about what was beleived of me way back when I was in highschool. I could change careers but then all anyone would have to do is find out where I am and it would start all over. I have no voice as a female, what am I to say? I am angry with god for putting me in this position. Now I cannot support myself and my kids either but would not receive the support by others as you. My life was destroyed, you still may have a chance.

how does ones high school rep follow them ? are you using names from ur high school days as references? or did you live in a small town where every one knows each other bizz?

Why not try to run your own business? That's how I started over. But my problem was from drinking too much. So it's a bit different. You can go to any library to learn about operating a business. Find something you love to do and make money with it. I love to cook and I am a cook. But I started with the mailorder business to get money. No loans. Lots of people buy things. Online business might be better than mailorder.

the darkness is created because of the lack of light. so really the darkness only exists because the light dims. there is no good and bad just less good then usual. your life does sound extremely hard. why cant you get your major? and may i ask which country you are in? it sounds like something was wrong. like i dont see how a job cant be attained. i know people who have been to jail and can get a job. i dont understand that. and why no child support? he just wont pay? go to court. the system will pay for lawyers. its good you havent given up. very commendable. most would have given up. but pick a problem. beat it then move on to the other. if not ask for help. if you want my help ask. same if you need someone to talk to. ive heard of almost all situations. i suggest talking to a judge to get it removed.

People in despair often come down to two mode of giving up on their lives, one is to think of suicide and two is to live as though they are dead.<br />
<br />
Mentally in such situation people confront an end of a road, so to speak. But in reality there is no such thing as a dead end in life. At every day's end, every one in the world face the same ending, what we all have in common is the next day, the future.<br />
<br />
Do not define your future from what you know about your past. Believe it or not, your past has nothing to do with your future. There are many many tales of ordinary or even failing people turn out to rise above and live extraordinary lives. I am one example, I was born in an underdeveloped country where there was no rights or advance education for women, women were born to be subject to a life of the hardship and suffering, people in general were poor and ill. After that my family escape by the sea and now I end up in the USA, where education is there for all, women can speak in public and live as they pleased. No way in my dream that I could predict my future 20 something years ago...<br />
<br />
Forget about the past. Do not reason or bargain with your past. The change must begin now. Do what others have suggested on here. <br />
<br />
*Resolve your legal problems with the help of a court appointed lawyer or legal aid.<br />
*Get some child support to help lift off some financial burden on you and your children. Although men may make it hard for you to get money from them, in the end, I think they will understand that it is for the sake of their kids.<br />
*Start a homeba<x>se or small business while waiting for your situation to resolve.<br />
<br />
I realize that we often underestimate our own abilities. Why waste your mental energy on worries, and sadness and not put all that energy to use in more practical ways, make changes in your life.

Keep your chin up, both figuratively as well literally.<br />
It maybe a slow process, but open YouTube and watch<br />
'the secret' and 'mind movies' I do that.<br />
<br />
If you need a more volitional activity.<br />
Thank God for what you have; that it is not worse. Or,<br />
Call the tv preachers and pray. Pray hard.

Help some young misguided 18y/o by taking her into your experience and prevent it happening to her. When you share your experience and enrich another life, it was not in vain. Give of yourself and you will receive threefold back.

Help some young misguided 18y/o by taking her into your experience and prevent it happening to her. When you share your experience and enrich another life, it was not in vain. Give of yourself and you will receive threefold back.

All the above advice is excellent. Go for any help you can get from the government. Welfare, food stamps, medical assistance....anything you can think of. Housing etc., etc., <br />
Also, do you have family who could maybe help you pay your restitution?<br />
You are maybe already doing all of these things, but if not....begin.<br />
Food banks, Salvation Army etc...There is so much help out there for people who <br />
really need the help.<br />
Good Luck and God Bless You and Yours!

I am truely sorry that you are experiencing this. Despite the difficulties there is much good yo u can do in this life.<br />
There are lawyers who donate time to people perhaps you can speak with them.<br />
<br />
Loving those children is a most important job. Stay strong!

You are not your label. Even though you face very serious obstacles, you can perserve. Not everyone is prejudiced against someone with one criminal conviction. Find a way, not just to put food on the table, but to feed your heart, and do that while you are working on restitution. Love yourself.

I know first hand exactly what you are going through, my husband is in the same boat, he got a felony theft in his early twenties he's 44 now. and the stupid felony follows him every where . We are lucky though he is self-employeed. All you can do is keep on fighting the good fight, don't let them knock you down, believe me I know it is hard. Keep your holding your head up

Your life is not destroyed, there are people who wake up in the morning wondering if they will be able to walk enough kilometres to find water for their children, after 12 hours, so you don't face the same difficulties as these people, you don't look out the window of where you live and wonder can you provide food or water for your chilren, so relax, and stop being so dramatic, you don't qualify

what kind of crime was it.

I am not sure where you are from. In Canada you can apply for criminal pardons. I would think that the US has something similar<br />
Check these things out

Have you looked into online jobs? They don't always pay the best but, with a little perseverence, you can get pay raises with time. If you have skills in computers or writing, there is usually something available. Jobs like these require very little information to get you started (what they want, such as a ss number, is only for tax purposes) and I don't think they do any sort of background check. Even if you don't make much to start, just working a little every day might help to pay some of the bills.

Let me know what you need if I can help I will.

I believe your children would be worse off if you committed suicide because although they could have some rich adoptive parent take care of them, they'd grow up spending every day thinking of you and wishing you were here. The older they are, the worse it will affect them too. There are probably other people in the world with a criminal record that somehow have picked up the pieces and found a well-paid job, I would look up stories of people who have bounced back and then see what they did. I cannot believe "there is no hope." I have a mental illness(bipolar) and can't find a decent job, and I have no college degree. At 26 I have had maybe 15 jobs, I have a terrible employment history and I have to lie on my applications. I'm basically on drugs they are just prescribed. If I was in your spot I would still knows for a fact I'd get paid more if I had a degree, and if I can't get a license, then I might pick a degree that doesn't require a license. But if you are almost graduated then that wouldn't work. In which case it does seem illegal to deny a certification to someone with the degree and knowledge to work in the field. I recommend consulting a lawyer if you could, or ask someone for legal advice that is cheap or free....that sounds like discrimination. there is also something called statute of limitations where 7 years after the crime is done then you no longer can have any penalty for it if you are free(not in jail) and it cannot prevent you from getting a decent future. This all sounds illegal to me, they can't deny you a certificate when you've earned it. I think you may want to talk with your colleagues then collectively form a small protest movement or petition and come to the people who give the certificates and make your case.<br />
There has to be something you can do. never give up. Never. Try every possible thing you can think of and keep doing that.

You can get your criminal record erased here in Canada, but it is expensive. I think it costs about 600 dollars. I feel sorry for people like you. Being a women doesn't help out like a guy. I am a butcher by trade. they don't seem to care if I have a record or not. I am treated as if I were one of the guys. I have met other convicts at work as well. If you can't erase your record, please try working as a laborer, the guys usually try to help out the girls at work. My sister has been a butcher for 20 years now and she says that she would like to continue being a butcher, but in a nicer company. All you have to do is go to the industrial section of your city, and start applying around. Good luck, some women make great laborers. I hope that you can get by.

I can't do anything to help you, I don't know you so even if I tried to give advice it wouldn't do any good. I just want you to know that things will not always be miserable. Not for a good person like you. Stay strong, live for your kids if not for you and I will do my best to pray and think of you often. As I said, there's not much I can do. We are here for you, don't forget that. And your not the only one going through this right now. Hang in there as long as possible.

Your story is inspirational to others...someone out least one...has read your story and it impacted their life! Yeah, while I cannot fully understand your unique situation, I can affirm how a black mark on "your permanent record" has grave consequences. I made a simple, but ignorant mistake one night, and got a misdemeanor, and that alone prevented me from numerous jobs...even retail. I have a wonderful work record, and a month after applying, my irresponsible teen got the same job I was applying for, for the same money, and I know it was that box I checked that prevented me from the job. (He quit a couple of months later...serves them right!) I can not even imagine the struggles and judgments you have have had to endure because of your childhood error. I know this may sound trite, and I am sorry, but I agree with janec about focusing on those things you CAN control, for it is not merely the destination, but also the journey that gives our life purpose.

Would like to let you know that my sister went to jail for 6 months. When she got out she got her costmotology paid for and became a hairdresser. After that she got a job working in an office working for 10 doctors. There is a way out of this. That is a long time ago. That should be off your record. When you fill out an application do not put that you had a conviction.

I too am a convicted felon it was 12 years ago and for the most part are right. HOWEVER ...we can get good jobs we just have to go to 10 times as many interviews. There ARE people that give second chances. In an interview be sure to point out that you went to college AFTER the felony. Do what I did...START YOUR OWN BUSSINES. But whatever you do dont lose hope. Turn this into an inspirational story of TRIUMPH. We (and your children) are counting on you.

LIES. After 7 years. The conviction gets wiped off of your record unless you reoffend.

After 15 years you might be able to get the conviction expunged from your record especially if you have had a clean record ever since. If you can't afford legal counsel on this you can go to legal aid where they charge what you can afford to pay.

Hi... I'm moved by reading your story. I know that people rarely give us a second chance, but there is One who always gives us a second chance, and a third, and a fourth.... and a millionth! <br />
<br />
Please go to the website ... ... and do a search for "Isaiah 43:18-21" ... then read the rest of the chapter ... "Isaiah 43:1-21"<br />
<br />
Man rarely gives us a second chance but Jesus can take your life and turn it around. He did it for a 'sex worker' (Luke 7:36-50 - try The Message translation) and He can do it for you if you ask Him to. God bless you!

while I am not a christian, it's true that christians might be more open to offering a second chance to you because of their forgiveness maybe try applying to a christian-related businesss or job

I sometimes read about this situation, in which a person convicted of a crime gets punished like this for decades or life, and I think it is very unfair. At least, there should be a limit of maybe ten years after the crime, after which the person should be treated as a changed person and given another chance at things, if he/she does not get another crime conviction in that period.

your story really spoke to me. I too made a mistake at a young age, and it pretty much ruined the rest of my life. it hasnt gotten better since. i had a promising route once, but i lost it all, even myself. The once intelligent and strong girl was shattered. I wonder if my life will ever get back on track again. I really wish people could be more forgiving. Its just ridiculous the way its set up. Young people will make mistakes, but people change and mature, so why not give people a second chance. I'm still waiting to get a second chance, and i know i wouldnt disappoint anybody. But no one will give me that opportunity. Never mind if i had a clean record my whole life before, never mind if i had a good reputation for years and years. one little mistake and everything fell down, like dominoes. very sad

Wow for a minute there I thought the site bluetoothed my thoughts into this thread. You are not alone in this. Everyone has made mistakes. I too commited a theft crime at a young right when I turned 18 which was a dumb stupid mistake only ever made once. Haven't been in any trouble since then and I have just turned 26. I too am having trouble finding employment. All I can suggest is to keep your head up. When your going through hell just keep going. As soon as I find out a soluton I'll let you know. I just wanted you to know ur not alone :)

that's not fair

Remarkable when so many hardened criminals seem to get off scott-free and offend over and over again. I mean how many serial killers seem to always have a steady job?

It's time to start your spiritual journey<br />

life is so incredibly painful sometimes even when you think you have found a solution to all your problems they come back with a vengeance. Sometimes I wish I could stop living because life isn't worth it. I watch as family and friends gather and live well. My oldest sister makes so much more money than me, is healthier, and has so many attractive men giving her attention. I feel like an accessory to her life. I feel like an ob<x>ject that someone has placed on the shelf. Sometimes I hurt and feel like I am dying but I go to counseling now. After running with the law you can forget about whatever it is that makes you feel whole because it drove you to do unlawful things. The best of you is yet to be told. I know because I have spent time in jail. And it ruin my life. I practically have died to live now. People have done unspeakable things to me and yet everyday I have to prove myself. People I thought loved me don't help me. People who do horrific things get praise. And if I say life is **** I am a liar. If I say **** life or stop doing whats popular I feel less like myself. Life literally hurts me to live. I have injuries that are so painful and yet it barely warrents an excuse like "hey i dont want to have brunch tomorrow with you after all" (because i would rather lie in bed and think of death or be alone because being with others makes my pain more real). Doesn't matter. I guess everyone has to find strength to go on because death will come- that is the only promise and frankly I bet you are in need of some real help but dont even know what kind of help you need. i pray for you and i pray for myself.

I can relate...this is true, but, everyone has to stay optimistic and persevering and look on the bright side to avoid getting sucked into the black hole. It is a choice to think or perceive life in a certain way because it will make you more likely to succeed. Make your stay here on earth in life as pleasant as you can despite conditions. Try to make the most of it. I think it is the only way to cope with life and not go nuts and stay functional. One thing I know is that one day those people will have ti come back to them, and one day you will receive your due, so that there's a balance and nothing is unfair anymore. The more someone has the more they have to lose and the more chances for them to lose something. If they are used to having, then they do not appreciate what they have. One who has to earn it all the hard way and struggle will maintain their position always because they appreciate and care for the fruits of their labors in this world and the rewards for their struggles. I live in the faith that unfairness will recieve karmic punishment because it will. For what they steal from us, something will be taken away from them and when they realize what it was, material or immaterial, they had to sacrifice for their cheating, then it will be too late.
I keep going remember people like you and me are stronger than the rest and will win out in the end.

I hope you have someone near you that cares about you, a strong loyal individual that can help you in practical ways, especially in your search for work. If you don't have a person like that now, you MUST find such a soul. You know already that you cannot do it alone. Your burdens are many, don't be too proud to ask for help. Don't kill yourself, that would be abandoning your children. Instead, reach out in any and all ways that you can, this is a good start right here. Talk Talk Talk, get to know people that can help you, maybe someone you ask for a job would give you one if they came to know you personally, if they can see the adult you are now instead of your record on paper from all of those years ago. Clean up as best you can and go talk to community leaders, church leaders, agencies, everyone that will listen, you might get a break, you really might. Swallow your pride and look people in the eye and tell them your story, it's amazing how many people WILL listen when a person is authentic and direct.

After 15 years it is possible to get the felony conviction expunged from your record. You should see a lawyer about having this done. If you can't afford a lawyer you can go to legal aid where they only charge what you can afford.<br />
<br />
You also need to go to court and get some child support going. Your children need and deserve the financial support from their father and there is no reason why he should get off scot free while you absorb the entire financial burden for the children. After all they are still his children too even if he is no longer with you.<br />
<br />
Most importantly of all keep thinking of your children when you have thoughts of suicide. They would not be better off without you. You are their mother and they need you so much in their lives. Also think of the devastating effect it would have on them if they were to be the ones to find you if you did commit suicide. Your children love you and they will need you for the rest of their lives.<br />
<br />
I wish you all the best as you seek legal counsel and I hope that you can get your record cleared and that things will start looking up for you and your children very soon.

u said: '' they may do well with out me, at least they'll live better not povern because of mommies mistake.''<br />
<br />
==>>> are u crazy?? my mother made mistakes and her mistakes are huge, yet everyday i pray that God protect for us my mother, we are nothing without her and no one would care about us like she do, she is always busy, but at least when i come home i know i have a mother, Thank God.<br />
<br />
i learned in life that someone without a father, is like someone without a back, but someone without a mother is someone with a broken heart. yes mothers do mistakes, HUGES one, but living without them makes life horrible and heavy, life is hard, be it with u or without they will always have problems, so wishing to die wont solve their problems, u will be adding another one............................................. dont break ur children hearts just bcz u are too weak.......just be strong for them and correct the mess u have,,,,everyone have a mess, but the strong ones correct things.<br />
<br />
take care and be strong mommy :)

The person who suggested volunteering is right on. What you want to do is establish a reputation as being honest, responsible and a good worker. For this you need to be around professional people who can give you good references. Many, if not most, job interviews come through word-of-mouth recommendations. By volunteering in the area of your major, you are getting work experience and making professional contacts.

When you do all you can do God will take care of the rest. Start your mind with one thing you're thankful for each morning and maybe it will carry out through the day. It's worth a shot, right?

may I ask what state is that from, in which you live if you need a ear,I will listen. I will listen to you when you need to talk. I am here to listen if you need someone to talk with or just say I need for someone to listen to me,its been a hard day for me.

I will definitely pray for you. It's something I know I can do. I can tell you are a great mom and that your desire is the well being of your children. Please don't lose hope, I'm sure something will come around.

Have you thought about writing a book about your experiences/your situation right now and getting money off of that?

October of last year, and 42 comments later - I am late.<br />
<br />
Haven't had time to read the other comments as I should - to keep from being redundant... sorry. <br />
<br />
But firstly, suicide isn't the answer. It places your loved ones in the position of feeling rejected and/or feeling responsible.<br />
<br />
Also the rejections of the world are Not worth taking someone's precious life for.<br />
<br />
Perhaps to suggest applying with smaller employers who will not check into past incidents of years earlier. Or to disclose to employers and suggest that they take you on a temp to perm basis.<br />
<br />
Also, temporary jobs are good. Employers do not check out or test the applicant as fully, then if they like you - they ask you to stay. <br />
<br />
Self employment is always a good idea. Think upon that which you have been blessed - or have a special interest. Order business cards and pursue it. This can be done in your off time while working a job. It could be something like the real estate field, or other sales interests. <br />
<br />
Disregard this point if already answered: Do what you can to receive child support due your children.

after ten years you can get a felonious conviction removed from your record.You will probably need an attorney and to demonstrate no re-offense but if you have kept your nose clean this should be easily accomplished

Did this accidentally get to the local psych ward?? OMG---You guys are gonna kill her!!!! She has hope!!! For crying out loud, it's only a petty theft!! She didn't murder someone!!! What is wrong with you people!! You're hurting her more than you're helping her!!! Stop with your own sad-sack stories!!! Give the sweetie some encouragement for crying out loud. <br />
TO WASIGIRL: You are by no means in as much trouble as it seems right now. Please be good to are sooooo much better than your past. Believe, I know FROM EXPERIENCE. Do NOT let others get you down...or your-silly-self either. You have so much to offer and there are more people and companies than you know that are looking for your experience, and trust me, that little indescretion just may be exactly what they're looking for!! Prayers, hope, strength, and courage to you!! Just because you need it, doesn't mean they don't Listen to your heart, listen to those who have been there and overcome... I am one and I HAVE overcome. If you would like to contact me, please feel free as I will give you any guidance you need to the best of my abilities. You ARE better than your 18-year-old self. My love to you...

As a side note...don't ever try to hide it, but most companies don't go any further back than 10 years. If they do ask for prior things, tell them "Yes...will explain in an interview". Usually that will intrigue a potential employer, and they will be grateful for your honesty...but ALWAYS let them see your remorse for your actions. Don't laugh it off and say "young and dumb"...they want to see that you've truly learned from it and the ensuing 15 years of clean record will speak for itself. Good luck to you!!! Your babies need their mommy more than you could ever know.

Hi sweetie! I have been through the same thing as you (I'm 43 now) only worse. I have several felony convictions from my young and dumb days and haven't had a problem getting employment. Here's exactly what you do: Go to an employment agency (I'm from California..they're pretty strict there). Take their test and tell them the truth about your history. They will find a place for you to work and once you get your foot in the door of the company and prove yourself to them, the company will go through the hiring process through your agency and you wouldn't have to say anything about your past unless they specifically ask. PLUS, you never lied to them and unless your new job deals with company money or other people's money more often than not they are going to overlook your past discrepancy. If that particular job doesn't pan out, go back to the same agency and start again. It WILL work....I promise!

Ok so little by little is something right? Once you have paid the restitution you can have the charge expunged. That IS a light. Don't forget that. I have had numerous convictions, because unlike you, it took me a lot longer to grow up and get myself together. So don't beat yourself up. I am facing the same battles and can't find a job either, I have had training that I can't get work with, due to my record, so I really understand. However, your record will be clear soon enough and you are still young. Hang in there. Your kids will be proud that you have made no further errors in judgment.

I know people in similar situations to yours, good people...and it's terrible how an act can stick with you. One person commented on getting a decent job with a small business. That's a great idea. If you can find someone you can talk to, explain your situation, they may be willing to overlook the past. <br />
<br />
As a mother myself, I just want to sympathize and remind you (though you already know it) that your kids need you. Just remember that your kids chose you as their mom before they were even born, and in the end we don't really make mistakes. That in itself makes you very valuable. Everything we do leads us to a higher end. We each choose our own reality because we have certain lessons to learn, and you and your kids have the opportunity to learn that LOVE is more important than all these other details. <br />
<br />
Someone suggested writing a book. I think that's a great idea! You should share your experience. I'm sure it's a great story that a lot of people could learn from, and you deserve to succeed. You've got to use what you have and what you have is a true experience. Be honest, allow yourself to be vulnerable so that people can feel what you have felt, the good and the bad. People love that, as you can see by the popularity of this website. People need to be made to FEEL in order for any type of change to occur. I support you and will be thinking about you.

There are many 'Marks of Cain' and there are more of us with them than without.<br />
<br />
People suck, sorry.

Side business.<br />
No one will hire you? Fine, make your own job.<br />
It makes you less vulnerable to the capriciousness of private industry anyway.<br />
<br />
Not only will you get paid better, folks will respect you for being a "business owner" no matter how small.<br />
<br />
Teach yourself to repair stuff and sell it. You can take your time and if you get good at it, the money is quite adequate.

You certainly have a sad tale, and a lot of people have given you some good advice. I, too, am a felon but they won't expunge my record. I wasn't diagnosed as bipolar until after I had an awesome accident in which I was going 80 mph, thinking I was landing an airplane, and ran smack into another car, injuring myself and the college student. Fortunately, he recovered completely, but I was charged with reckless endangerment and criminal assault. I didn't go to prison, but had hours and hours of community service, which I did on crutches and had to pay restitution. That's the part of my story which is similar to yours. Years later, I'm about to be divorced and will have to find a place to live. I understand a lot of places won't rent to felons, so I'm going to have to work that out. Meanwhile, I've been attending AA meetings and you wouldn't believe the lives many of these nice folks have lived, many of them are felons, they all seem to have found a place to live. Most have cars. Somehow, they've found a way to get employment in spite of their felonies. I wish I could offer you up particulars about how they've managed to do this, but I would like it if the info that it is possible gives you some hope. How much do you have left to pay in restitution? What are the ages of your children. Where do you live. How in the world can you work if you have three children? I guess I have more questions than answers. Hope it doesn't offend you if I tell you we're praying for you.

there are so many people in the same situation like yours <br />
you need to go and get legal help <br />
it is a problem world wide <br />
open your story so that you can help others to <br />
politicians do the same and they don't loose their jobs <br />
we need to change this it is important for the rest of the people

You CAN get what happened off your record. Especially if you can prove that you've changed, etc. You have to find a lawyer and petition the court for expungement. From what I understand, it costs a bit of money to do that, but it may be worth begging, borrowing or (not, sorry bad use of a cliche) stealing. <br />
<br />
I believe that if you were able to turn your life around in such a wonderful way you'll be able to work something out. I do agree that for what you did, and where you were in your life when you did it, that you've served your time.

You have to be doing something right, you clealy have a computer and electricity, you have custody of your three children, you are keeping them alive and healthy I assume, you are not abusing them, are you? You have not killed yourself. You have taken responsibility for your crime, and you have tried to educate yourself. You have done so much, even as hard as things are for you, you've done so much more than many are capable of with more resources than yourself. <br />
Are you asking for help in getting jobs, are you asking family, community, friends, for help with babysitting and things for your children that you may not be able to provide alone right now? <br />
Forget pride and look for a little assistance around every corner, tell your story to everyone you meet, people are basically kind, someone may offer you a job, someone may take a chance on you. Dig your toes in and ask for help finding work, ask all day every day if you need to, your children matter more than your personal pride. In our lifetimes, all of us find ourselves in places where we have to ask for help, it's just part of the human condition. More than anything, develop self respect and honor yourself for all of the accomplishments you have made. LOVE YOURSELF<br />
If you are seriously depressed and unable to do any of this and feel yourself slipping into a dangerous place, please get your children to a safe place until you can gather yourself and parent them safely. Bless your heart, people care, allow them to help you and yours.

I empathize with your situation. Just don't give up on yourself. You may not be able to receive licenses for certain occupations, but every field doesn't require you get licensed. I'm speaking from experience as a person with a criminal record as well. I don't have any felony convictions, but in most cases employers or State boards (that would issue licenses) don't care whether its a misdemeanor or a felony. They treat them both equally as disqualifying for lots of positions. It is very frustrating when you try to move on from something, but in reality you can't because it keeps rearing it's ugly head when trying to apply for credit, cars, etc. I sincerely wish that employers would have more leniency on persons who are genuinely trying to better themselves. Its one thing to commit an offense, and then keep on doing it becoming a career criminal-but it should be totally different for people who have made mistakes and who are trying to better themselves. My advice to you; circumvent 'the system'. And by this i mean, think in terms of small, home ba<x>sed businesses, ideas you could approach out of your dwelling. Dig deep inside yourself, discover what it is that you can do or provide best for people and market yourself and do it. That's what i had to do. I've played piano for 20 years and right now that is what i'm supporting myself on!! If you speak well, seek out places or venues where you can gain some experience doing it in public, and in the process building future prospects in business. (I'm just giving you an example) You need to think in terms of "If the establishment won't accept me, then i'll just have to establish myself"! Good luck and i hope you're able to find YOUR place in life and accept it and know that life is a gift and you're a gift! <br />
<br />
*Dream as if you'll live forever, live like you'll die tomorrow*--James Dean

I agree with bloggerkhushi, janec319, and 555calif . Don't lose hope. Since strangers care about you and wish you well and blessings, how much more does God feel the same way? Even if you hate Him, even if you find the idea of God absurd, talk to him, in your own way. He's waiting for you to do this. He will help you sort it all out. It may take time, but He will bring you ideas, resources, and people. Your life is not over, and this is not how it will or must end. If you can, locate a cheap Bible (like at WalMart). Just start reading Psalms. And maybe some Proverbs. You are not alone, and you never have been. Not at all. -- Love, V

Try volunteering for a non profit organization. You can meet many people who can help legally and so forth. By serving your community you will feel better about yourself and start building a resume. Many times a volunteer job will become a paying job in short time. In the meantime you can network to find an employer. Somebody that you can talk to face to face so you will not be just a name on a paper with "a mark".

I have read your letter and it reminds me of something that happened to me when I was young as a result of being bullied and not even realizing it at the time. I wish I could give good advice that would help. However I can say I was moved by your letter and hope and pray that things work out well for you. You DO deserve a chance to start anew.

Thanks for all your support... It is sites like these that can make a small difference in a person's life and way of thinking.. I have been taking the time to read each response and have found value in every comment.....<br />
Since I wrote this I have:<br />
Been attending Church<br />
Contacted an attorney just to verify the expungement laws in my state.<br />
Spoke with a law clerk who stated that I must pay the restitution but also stated that I make my self fully aware in the state that I live the record is only sealed from the public..She advised me to speak with one of my mentoring instructors whom I trust in my desired field to find out a little bit more about the requirements.<br />
I have figured out a way to get this paid; I am a full time student who have access to loans,,, I am pretty maxed out in loans due to tuition but I do have the access to request any loan that I'm eligible to receive + my GPA is good for scholarships... I will request additional funding to pay a lump sum payment every semester until it's paid... At least now I have a plan..<br />
Also, I have accepted that this was supposed to happen to me and maybe I can make a difference for the next person who is in a similar situation.<br />
I went down to the local child support to find out that: MY SORRY KIDS FATHER HAS NOT MADE A PAYMENT, but filed an extension to have the order amount reexamined.<br />
I still don't have employment but I am motivated again to accept rejection...:) Something gotta give I'm more positive

Dear Friend : start ing over is never easy. please don't take your life . your children need their mother . Open up your bible ask God for help. kept reading God words he will answer you. keep your eyes open and on God . God will help you. janie

This is about your inability to get a license in your major. Since I do not know what state you are in or what your major is, my comments can only be very general, but I think you are not without hope. Most licensing authorities have some sort of appeal board to which you could apply, and you would have a very sympathetic case ba<x>sed on your age at the time of the offense and the time since your conviction without any further trouble with the law. And your attempts at restitution, no matter how slow, would be helpful to your case.

I want you to know, what happened to you is a blessing in disguise. God the almighty knows best. he is the one that created you. Certain elements in your creation do not go very well with richness or success. God makes you very humble and easily feels for others, especially those who are in similar situation like yours. Just imagine if this don not happens to you, you would be one who is arrogant, self centered, snobbish human walking on this face of this earth. Many successful humans sometimes are hated by many due to their inability to feel for others, when you are not one of them. May God bless your soul.

You DEFINETLY need to get child support!!!!!!!!! You didnt create these children on your own. the father/s of these children ALSO have a RESPONSIBILITY to these kids!!! The father/s should not be getting a free ride while you are struggling. Have you pursued child support??? They are OBLIGATED to pay child support!!!!!!

Become a camgirl. Work from home. Make tons of money. Problem solved!

Ask Jesus into your heart. He said Behold I make all things new. He paid the price for your sin and if you ask him to come into your life He can deliver you. He broke the curse of adam and cain. He wants to help you more than you want to be helped. Just say Jesus I believe you died for me and every sin I have committed please come into my heart and give me a new beginning. He will do it.

I agree with the earlier comment about looking into it legally. Expungement a new trial if the original was defective????? Only a lawyer wd know. Certain professional licensure can be problematic but a good attorney may be able to review state regs and find a loophole. Lawyers gotta be good for something. ;) ;). Good luck and don't give up!!!

DO NOT I REPEAT DO NOT COMMIT SUICIDE!! I'm sure there are people who love you and this would only add to the suffering. Have you thought about turning your situation into something positive like speaking to or counseling young people? You might save someone from the same mistake.

DO NOT I REPEAT DO NOT COMMIT SUICIDE! There are people who love you I'm sure. Have you thought about seeing if there were a way thet you could turn this into something positive by speaking to or counseling young people?

If you want top quality food for 50% off check out Angel Food Ministries website. I don't know if they're in your location but on their website they can explain every detail about who they are and what they do.<br />
You can order a box of food once a month of various types of food and you thee is no limit on how much you can order.You can use their services no matter how much money you make. I picked up my first box four days ago.

I have used them too. Normally you would pick up the box of food at a church they are working with in your area. It is all on line you need to know.

I thought GREAT! when I read this- I looked them up and they were closed due to farud! now what?

They were affected by the bad economy just like many other organizations, I tried looking for a replacement with no luck excerpt for local scattered charities in mainly the Southern United States. I do not think Angel Food will be back.

Hey , that is really unfair that a mistake you made as a kid can wreck the rest of your life. I see your point that jobs you can get with a record don't pay enough to support a family. I'm a janitor and that is fine for me right now but when I applied at Dept. stores the application asked if I have ever been convicted of a penalty. Then it said it doesn't neccessarily bar me from employment if I have. That's just one tiny, specific idea for you. But the thing bthat stands out in your story isx why isn't there a court order to make the father pay child support ? Maybe you can get creative and find a list on the internet of jobs you can get if you have a felony conviction. Or go to employment agencies to find out the same thing. Hit a bunch of them up. Just want to clarify, I have never been convicted of a felony. It seems like you can find work if your crime was non-violent. Have you tried getting a job at a small business where the owner started it and runs it and works there him or her self ? It seems to me that would be a strong possibility of employment if you could explain your situation. <br />
Small businesses are more personal than impersonal big corporations and they are more human and may give you a fair shot once they meet you and talk with you. If that is the only trouble you've been in I think self-employed business man might cut you some slack. I wish you good luck.

We all have our Dark Side to deal with one way or another. We all rebuild ourselves over and over. Like others have pointed out that you seem to have the right stuff. This is NOT TRUE. You are even better than that. You just have not been informed as to how it all works and have unlocked the box with all the tools in it that you can build a life with. You just haven't gotten the memo.<br />
<br />
The one thing I have not read here in these comments is the following. As you have learned you can in fact break Mans law all day long, but you can not break Universal Law no matter how hard you try. You may be thinking just what the hell are you talking about? That could be the best question you ever ask.<br />
<br />
I am going to suggest something and it is up to you how it comes out. Write a book. (Did he just say write a book?) Yes he did. And the name of it is, "Because You Got This Book I Am Now..."<br />
<br />
You finish the story on the inside of the book as to what would happen when a bunch of people buy your book and it makes the best seller list. You will make a lot of money, pay off the debt and move toward your exspongement. Now able to live in better quarters and take your family with you.<br />
<br />
All at the same time in showing a great example as to how to overcome a great obstacle and how you fixed it and it all began with the knowledge that you could and it would become great because you made up your mind that it will be so. <br />
<br />
I understand that all this sounds a bit out of reach. And it will be as long as you think it is. If nothing else learn the three basic Laws of the Universe. The Law of Attraction-The Law of Deliberate Creation and the Law of Allowing. When you have a grip on those you will know you have had control of all of your lifes outcome all along. You can change anything you want as long as you know it to be your true desire or desires.<br />
<br />
When you tell your lifes story the way you want it to be even if it isn't true yet, tell it that way till you believe it then the reality of it is shortly behind what you believe to be the coming truth. Because of the Law of Attraction thoughts become things. Which makes what YOU think very important in your current lifes experience everyday.<br />
<br />
You see, your thought up unto this point is what your life has been ba<x>sed on what you believed it to be and expected. Change your thoughts and change your future. Look around you. What are people thinking about and that is what they are living. Those who think of money and having plenty of it do so. It is their fact through thought. The bottom line is, What are you thinking? What have you been thinking? Now, what are you going to be thinking?<br />
<br />
The best advice in the world is: Think about what you want, NOT about what you don't want.

Very well said. The only flaw is using the word "man" (capital m?) to refer to the entire human race (which, does not consist 100% of man.) I understand the word is "biblical" so it sounds epic to the untrained ear, but it loses a lot of credibility to your work for complexities I will not get into right now.

Good work, otherwise. Keep up the upbeat!

I said you can break mans law all day long but, you can not break Universal Law ever. Nothing is hidden. Most are aware of mans law, many do not know of or are aware of Universal Law.


You have said some of the deepest things I ever did read... "Think about what you want.. Not what you don't want." Could you explain the universal laws a bit more please?

Yes I can, but not here.

2 More Responses

Past issues do affect things what we do or want to do. It seems that until the restitution is completely paid, you cannot move forward. When other demands of life take priority, others need to wait. It seems like a catch-22.<br />
<br />
If you can, put some money away when you can. Even if it is a small amount. is there any work from home that you can do to supplement your income? Is there any way that you can cut your expenses (i.e., turn off extra lights when not in use, wear a sweater when it is cold instead of turn the heat up higher)?<br />
<br />
By living life a little more simpler, you may be able to save more to pay off your debt. Sometimes Simple is better than complex! Check out: <br />
<br />
I hope this helps.<br />
<br />
Be Well.<br />

Thank you for being so supportive.. I have checked into have the file expunged and I cannot expunge the record because the restitution has to be paid in full. I have been paying it little by little,but i can barely take care of my family. So, when I have to make a choice what has to be paid.. I have to choose my light bill.