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Because My Life Is Destroyed

I don't know really where to begin.  My life has been in shambles since I was 18 and I don't see how its ever going to change.  There is no light at the end of the tunnel for me. 
When I was 18 years old (young and dumb) I was convicted of a felony theft.   This single criminal act has completely ruined my life.  I did not go to jail but I may of well had.  People make mistakes especially young people.  I am not suggesting that there shouldn't be any consequences for your actions.  But, a life time of barriers and restraints is far too much.  It has been over 15 years and I still face the same collateral consequences for a felony conviction.  I cannot obtain employment and descent housing. If I cannot find a job how am I to survive.  Yeah I can work at burger king (maybe) but who is that going to support. That won't support my family I am a mother of 3 children and I do not receive a penny in child support.  I went to college to further my education only to find out that once I am done with college I cannot obtain a license in my major no matter how far up the educational latter I go.  I am stuck with the
"mark of Cain."  It is depressing I have contemplated committing suicide several times.  If it were not for my children and my concern for their well being than I probably would of done it by now.  But, then again they may do well with out me, at least they'll live better not povern because of mommies mistake.   I wish I could start a new life...But there is no such thing for me the "mark of Cain" will forever find me...
wasigirl wasigirl 31-35, F 126 Responses Oct 20, 2010

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You have to talk to an attorney, there's so many things we don't know about the law and how things can get fixed. Don't stop fighting for your life!

You can also contact you state representative. The sujestions above are right on too. The main thing is don't give up on yourself, you are worth it and mean a lot to those children. Keep in touch with ep.

That's how screwed up the corrupt court system is here and the sadistic creeps and bozos that run it. They don't care if they ruin someone's entire life to where they may as well just turn to a life of crime because they can't get decent employment and get desperate. If that had happened to me then I'd most likely make a living off the grid at anything I could legal or not because that would be my best option at that point.<br />
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I'm a very long time tech professional with an entirely clean record and passivist leaning but law enforcement in this country is out of control and scares me and I've seen way to many people harmed or killed for no good reason.

I believe in you.

Mark of cain..huh?! Didn't we go over this last summer?! I believe we did. Enjoy the toys.

Sorry. sounds tuff I think you have what it takes to survive youve been doing it for 15 plus years wwent to college aqnd have three wonderful children. Deep within I believe there is hope for you, you just havent found it yet.

You can get the record expunged. I had no record at all until I met a guy claiming to want to hire me to be his children's nanny. Unfortunately, he forced me to perform a sex act and when I filed a police report, he told them that I offered to do this act on him for the job! I was charged with filing a false police report and while it's a misdemeanor, I hate having it on my record and getting it expunged costs money I don't have right now. But I have written to the Supreme Court here in my home state to see if they will expunge it for me, due to the circumstances (after all, the guy held a knife on me and made threats when I refused to do his bidding). This has made me leery of police because of the way I was treated when the guy lied, because the police sided with him and made me seem a hoe.

I have some thoughts - first what was your college degree in?

I really do wish you the best and I hope that you can overcome this obsacle in your life. Always treat your babies right, it's amazing to see your kids grow up strong and smart as a person. I wish you all the best.

Start your own business. It's tough but the payoff is good. I know a lady who owns a hair salon. Started out cutting hair for someone else. She now owns the salon, a house on the beach, and 2 other houses. Another woman started a cleaning business. It grew and she no longer cleans but has 10 employees. She now owns her house outright and is putting money away.

if you have no other felony arrest you ca file paper work with the court and have it removed after 3 years

Brother I felt the way you do no for seven years. My ex wife soiled my name, and even worse destroyed my relationship with my children. While I am no Saint, doing more than my far share of bad deeds, this women left me for another man, yet to maintain a strong position with our at that time) 5th and 6th grade children, did everything in her power to destroy me. She held a fairly high office in our local government and she even used that to push me into self destruction. <br />
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As I said for seven years this went on. And for seven years I failed miserably. But just before Christmas of that seventh year my children (Know in High School) came back to me! What a glorious day. And every day since then has been as well.<br />
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They saw that the mark of any man is how he handles the times of crisis. Well I made it out the other end so there was good news. But for the most part I failed measurable for seven years. I am embarrassed of how I handle that time of torment and when I reflect on it I find myself more embarrassed of my own actions during that time than I was/am of the lies that my ex used to try and destroy me. Although her lies were far worse than my actions were, it is my mark, that period of time in crisis and how i weathered it that i feel most people judge me by.<br />
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I guess my message is hang tough, this will pass. Endure your turmoils as a gentleman. Be strong and keep the faith. Even though you can't see the light right now it is there. God Bless and be safe!

Look for another job I'm in the same boat cr have the job I desire because of stupid mistakes when i was young but guess what life goes on find another goal its a no win situation so go with the flow and find some thin else your good At no good dwelling in it your have the most precious things in it hands thats ya kids sorry like but every thing else comes second to none in my books cherish what ya have a nd grow think of something else you would like to do rather than dwelling on some thing you can't have good luck x

Well your life serves as a warning to others to stay on the straight and narrow. You could think of others instead of yourself and give to others. Also there is a very false perception it appears you have. Licensing isn't the key to life. Neither are degrees. These are merely just a very first step in the process. Every good person has to build their own life from scratch step by step. Lacking barriers merely shows to the world that they have made careful choices their whole lives. You haven't and it's simply a true fact like their lack of barriers is a true fact and reflection of them. It doesn't mean they will go on to be an expert in their field, it doesn't mean you can't be. It doesn't mean you can't develop character and show moment by moment that you are trustworthy. You decide your substance not other people. And it's substance, not image that matters. You seem to still think that image is what matters. A degree isn't a selfish pursuit it's about wanting to learn about the world you live in and make it a better place. If you are thinking of a degree in a selfish way than a barrier to credential would make you not want to pursue one. If you are thinking of getting a degree to learn about the world and what's right and wrong with it and wanting to make a difference- now that's substance and you will pursue it and no one will be able to stop you from making a difference. It's not the law that needs changing or barriers that are the problem - these laws and barriers are merely a true reflection of each individual and the choices they've made in life and a humble good person would not mind having to live with an accurate reflection.

Well your life serves as a warning to others to stay on the straight and narrow. You could think of others instead of yourself and give to others. Also there is a very false perception it appears you have. Licensing isn't the key to life. Neither are degrees. These are merely just a very first step in the process. Every good person has to build their own life from scratch step by step. Lacking barriers merely shows to the world that they have made careful choices their whole lives. You haven't and it's simply a true fact like their lack of barriers is a true fact and reflection of them. It doesn't mean they will go on to be an expert in their field, it doesn't mean you can't be. It doesn't mean you can't develop character and show moment by moment that you are trustworthy. You decide your substance not other people. And it's substance, not image that matters. You seem to still think that image is what matters. A degree isn't a selfish pursuit it's about wanting to learn about the world you live in and make it a better place. If you are thinking of a degree in a selfish way than a barrier to credential would make you not want to pursue one. If you are thinking of getting a degree to learn about the world and what's right and wrong with it and wanting to make a difference- now that's substance and you will pursue it and no one will be able to stop you from making a difference. It's not the law that needs changing or barriers that are the problem - these laws and barriers are merely a true reflection of each individual and the choices they've made in life and a humble good person would not mind having to live with an accurate reflection.

Someone suggested you write a book -- great idea! It has the potential of "starting a new life" for you. I am willing to help you. Are you interested?

i too mess up at 18 and have had to deal with a felony i got then. it is hard to find a good job. i have been able to make the best of things. it takes a long time to find the good job. if you have to do fast food till you find one then do it. getting your record expunged will help tremendously. even without doing that it is possible to get ahead of making a mistake. that's what life is all about making mistakes and learning from them. it is a hard road but i know from experience that the road does get easier if you try harder.

The most important thing for you now is to be positive. Being positive helps a great deal. Your note feels you have a dark sense of foreboding and like you have this negativity in your mind that you are a failure. You need to wipe this attitude out of your mind or else it will also destroy the children. <br />
You need to seriously follow the law of attraction. <br />
Everyone goes through problems in life but you're a loser only when you quit hoping and trying. Try and meet good positive people. I am from India but I live in Dubai. If you do want to be friends, you can add me and I hope I can bring a positive attitude in your life :) <br />
Cheers. Keep smiling! Tomorrow will be a better day.

The most important thing for you now is to be positive. Being positive helps a great deal. Your note feels you have a dark sense of foreboding and like you have this negativity in your mind that you are a failure. You need to wipe this attitude out of your mind or else it will also destroy the children. <br />
You need to seriously follow the law of attraction. <br />
Everyone goes through problems in life but you're a loser only when you quit hoping and trying. Try and meet good positive people. I am from India but I live in Dubai. If you do want to be friends, you can add me and I hope I can bring a positive attitude in your life :) <br />
Cheers. Keep smiling! Tomorrow will be a better day.

It's the felony conviction that's causing you problems. It's the stupid choices. Like getting knocked up by a deadbeat three times. That's dumb. And yes, doing stuff like that will irreparably destroy your life.

hey! read Shantaram by Gregory David Roberts<br />
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btw....what did you steal?

We don't even know you, but LOVE runs deep to help you up and out from pit to place so the legacies you leave will be greater and brighter.<br />
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Couponing, in USA 99% of restaurants throw away food EVERY night...some of these places will hand over if you ask for with the intention of donating it to the needy :-).<br />
Regarding ones thought life reading a Proverb a day will give you wisdom for living and making great strides from your situation. Also downloading wwwdotklovedotcom to your radios and phone will help to have positive thoughts from positive music.<br />
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During process of overcoming you want prayer: 1-800-759-0700 genuine, kind and loving folks will gladly help you.<br />
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Often many make fun of fastfood, but you can get the ball rolling for you nevertheless. I believe you have to learn to to have TOUGH skin during this process, look and see who is not for you and stay away from those people. Look for where you wanna be and see people who are there and ask questions and prepare yourself accordingly. Knowing what you learn and do from living your children are doing the very same, so learn on purpose.<br />
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Be patient with yourself, write a vision and do a dream board and place over your bed or on the wall, so you see where you're heading. I believe EVERYTHING you need you have: resources check the library, PLEASE READ.<br />
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Need money look for a books by Matthew Leskco and take notes. <br />
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What are your gifts, talents, abilities, skills...if you don't know ASK folks, friends, people you're around. Life is funny, others see things we miss. What is unique about me? What do you think id be good at? Do I like writing? Talking? What's my learning style? <br />
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Change your speech...if all you have known is the bottom then your speech will reflect. Change your perspective, God taught me through his promises who I am and my purpose and as a result I went from death to life in esteem. I flunked college twice and was a bottom feeder, today I own and run several businesses. How do you see yourself?<br />
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There's a movie I saw recently called The Help, one made taught a lil girl three sayings: I am smart, I am intelligent, I am important...add to those I am beautiful, I love myself, I am a great mom, I am successful, I am brave, I desire to live and improve my life... :-)

Don't know if this will help you help any but I also had the same issue a long time ago...Since it happened over 15 years ago you do have several options to you regarding what you are going through(also depends on the state)....If you have fullfill the probation part it is not considered part of the public record anymore(it will always be a part of the courts) then after 7 years you don't have to put it on your apps that you fill out that you had a felony. Since your still paying the fine You need to check to see if the probation was closed or still open due to the fine not being paid off yet... You can get the fine changed to show that it is a debt so that it isn't a part of your case..It all depends on if your case is open or not.Go to your old probation officer and ask if the probation was full fill(they will have a record of it that the judge signs).<br />
Most employers don't care about records that are over 7 years old and since they can't check back anyway unless you tell them, it is also illegal for them to make it a part of the hiring process...Like I said it depends on your states court system but here in Idaho/Washington I am not required to say I had a felony anymore.<br />
On your child support issue, go to the child support enforcement agency in your state...It is free and they can get child support for you from any state he is in.<br />
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Good luck and if any questions let me know

Yes, random out of wack comment, I'm aware, but I think getting the conviction expunged is a grand idea. It's not worth ruining you life with one dumb decision, younger people make mistakes. I ought to know, I'm young, very young still and I've happened to fall upon a pit of stakes with my mistakes, some maybe not even caused by me. But I learn, everyone does, and it's better to occasionally beg for forgiveness than end it all at once.<br />
~Destiny

Yes, do what the people below me are saying. In the meantime though (or if efforts to clear your criminal record don't work) don't give up hope still look for better employment. There's got to be someone out there who would see how much of a hard worker you are and are willing to look past your record. <br />
I hope my advice helped. :)

Trust God, pray to Him at least 10 times per day and soon your problems will be solved. this is what I swear to you, for that I do this and my problems are solved miraculously.

The thing that bothers me is you are trying to do better and can't get a break. How do they expect you to get a job and support yourself and your children. As for the dead beat Dad, if he willfully is not paying, I say lock him up. Why should he be out playing while you are paying. Perhaps you could even set up a fund to who ever you owe restitution and we on EP can help. I know I would kick in a little (assuming you can valid your story) to help. Just a thought but many of us are still very generous and like to help someone who is really trying to do the right things in life

Sometimes life has really ****** up ways to make us pay for our actions. Although I do think your punishment far exceeds your crime. I'll pray for you and your family and remember life is far too precious to give up always remember your children. They are your blessing your lasting legacy and your greatest achievement. And when all else fails remember it call only get better.

" But, then again they may do well with out me,"<br />
What the ****? Do you honesty think that your money makes them happy? Are you stupid, or what?<br />
What makes them happy is your smile, your faith, your strength, courage and love.<br />
If you will commit suicide you will hurt them very much. Do you want your children to fall in depression? Do you know how many peoples are poor? Billions! And they suicide? No! I am poor too, but God always help me. Trust him and pray before and after eating, when you wake up and when you fall to sleep. You must be strong. I promise you that if you will pray and have faith in God your problems will be solved very fast. Fight as long as you live. We will die at an age, but 'till then we must fight!<br />
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May God bless you, my sister.

Well I know it's difficult with a college ed to get a career with a felony. If you have done nothing else wrong you might want to see if a lawyer could help get to sealed from general background checks. If you are not getting child support, you should go to your state office and make a deal about it. They can get the money for you by garnishing wages plus many will help pick up some of the costs such as helping get you into hud housing or multi-income housing. <br />
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There are many families who are poor. Any job is a better than nothing job. It looks better to see someone who is with a job even if you are applying for other jobs. I know several single parent households who do survive off a burger king income. It is a job and job experience can help you get in a better job. <br />
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I know in our school the advisers do ask about peoples criminal background to try to let them have fields they will still be able to work in. If you still have your college credits, maybe look into going to take a class towards a field you can work in. It may not be your dream job but it can also help you get into a better paying job. <br />
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Don't let go of what you want, but look for ways to change your view and the doors that you are looking at.