Born In The Abyss Of Naked Poverty, Lived A Full Life, Made Mistakes And I'm Now Back To The Abyss

I grew up in utter poverty and abuse, I am a survivor an ESTP (Myers Briggs).  I'm not sure how things got so out of control but a black cloud of bad luck since my mother died back in 2006 has followed me.  My life hasn't had any luck since.  My positives:  I provided all I could for my family, I worked hard, I am optimistic, I always felt I had to take others burdens as to be a man, I was successful, I would always work to correct my wrongs, I take criticism, I was adaptable.  The bad!!  I was a fool, I shoot from the hip, I take to many chances, I have anxiety, I have doubts,  I did not show the attention to my family that I should have.  I now have lost my wife, my job, my home, my finiancial security.  I am a man facing poverty, shame, and homelessness, survival is become my only concern. I feel lost and my life going down the drain.  I'm 47 and I will try to keep fighting to build my life back.  I have always tried to make it on my own and without much help.  I am at a point in my life I wish I had someone to carry me for just awhile so I could have my life back.  When a son loses his mother that was always their for him and gave him strengh and then she is gone all I can say is: Mom! when you said I would miss you when you were gone!  You were my rock and foundation and Mom!  You were right!  This is the worst time in my life but I will try to start over and I will do it alone.
jonathanpepper jonathanpepper
46-50, M
4 Responses Dec 13, 2010

these stories are so good in reminding us that we should always appreciate the ones we love and what we have. Jonathon, deciding to make a change in your life is the first step and congratulations for successfully accomplishing it. I believe in you and I know you will overcome the abyss only to find yourself at a golden rise of a better and happier life.

I feel for you...but remember you are never alone and as dark as it it seems there is always a fresh new day! Your mom wants you to be happy and she will always be there in spirit for you!! I am facing a lot of different emotions as I see my mom is so hard when you see the person who brought you into this world and who always believed in you lose her strength and at times I think the will to go changes so much as we age...let us pray!!!

Likewise. 40 and male. So lost. So alone. Everything seems so hopeless!

This rings eerily similar to my storie except that I am a 39 yr old female :)<br />
You are not alone...