I'm Not Really Living.. I'm Just Here

I hate my life. I'm 22 years old, I have no job, no car, I'm always broke. I don't even have my license, I almost died in a car accident when I was 16 and my boyfriend at the time did die. Ever since then driving has really scared me, I've drove plenty of times but I am always so terrified whenever I did drive. I know at my age I should have a job, be in college, have a car, and go out and do stuff with my friends. Like every other 22 year old my age. Before the car accident, neither one of my parents ever offered to teach me how to drive. I'm angry at them for that. Everybody else I know had their license at 16, their parents tough them how to drive.

I was convicted of two felonies when I was 20, which put me on probation for 3 years (I have two more yrs left on it). Now I feel even worse because I don't have a job so I can't pay the fees that I owe which means my parents have to. I can't even get a job, I have no transportation. My dad recently found a girl friend and now he lives with her, we barely ever talk or see each other. I am so angry at him, i feel like my whole life he never wanted me to grow up, now that he found a woman he wants me to move out of state because him and his girl friend are moving somewhere. So now he's trying to get rid of me, after all these years of him promising to help me get my license and get a job and not doing ****. He never wanted me to have a life, I guess because he was so lonely and was scared of me moving out and leaving him by himself. Now he wants me gone, and he keeps saying "well you're 22 you're an adult" and I just want to scream " Yeah well you ******* never wanted me to grow up, you never helped me do anything like normal parents are supposed to do"

I can move in with my mom, which is really far away from where I'm at now. I have a guaranteed job when I get up there, and she will help me get my license. The only thing is I can't go for another 16 weeks due to some classes I have for probation. So I feel upset.. I have to wait 16 weeks before I can actually move and have a life. I'm also terrified of moving somewhere new but it has to be better than the life I live now. I'm tired of always being at home and never having money.

sillyginger sillyginger
22-25, F
2 Responses Jun 10, 2011

Hey Sillyginger, just want to show you some support here. I am staying up late right now so I feel that although I have a lot to say my words don't seem to catch up with my feeling anymore. Thanks for sharing your story. Sounds like your dad was a weak person, but at least your parents still love you I can tell, b/c they pay for your living... I am not saying this to shame you or anything because I too owe a lot to my parents and I am older than you too. <br />
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I hate to use this as comfort, but there are many people with parents who either hate them, abuse them, or even sexually abused them. So you are so lucky to not have parents like that. <br />
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Love is what heal and hold people together. Don't let the dysfunctionality pass on to the next generation.

Excellent way to put it man, don't let the dysfunctionality pass onto the next generation.

Post traumatic stress disorder from your accident has clearly effected you. Your felonies are for drug use? Sales? Whatever. Symptoms of PTSD too.<br />
Talk to your PO and see if he/she will help you so you can move. You need to get started on a positive direction in your life.

i actually researced PTSD and it sounded like I was suffering from it. I started having anxiety attacks and etc. Now every time I'm in a vehicle I'm always expecting somebody to smash into us or for us to crash and this accident happened about 7 years ago. My felonies were for drug use, that was how I dealt with the accident. I stayed messed up on pills and alcohol so I didn't have to deal with the accident.

I also don't think my PO will let me leave until i finish my drug classes and finish paying my fine off. I'm scared to even ask him actually.

You limit your options by not even trying. But it is understandable. Systems are not very flexible. Sometimes you are punished for just inquiring.
Hang in there. Do what you have to and get the hell out as soon as possible