Do Mothers Retire?

I enjoy life, I embrace every drop of the blood that courses through my person, not because I am special, but, becaue I am still here, I am a survivor. I've made it through so far, even though there are days that my sorrow over the loss of my child nearly kills me, and yet, I keep smiling, I keep going on.
I meditate with my soul wide open and eager, a blank canvas, an open unfilled vessel. I seek communion with my creator, I aim to be multi layered and thorough in my quest to live life to the fullest, to try to be blessed by the pleasures of life that remain . I offer energy and heart to the universe. Still, more and more, I am disappointed.
There comes a time when one is utterly lost. I suppose it happens to everyone. I imagine that this is perfectly normal. A period of life dawns where hunger and thirst for purpose and meaning overwhelm everything else, and life nips at your heels, moving you onward, even if you stall and stumble. I suppose one must redefine themselves periodically and I know this takes courage. Courage that I am not t sure I have, courage that I don't know that I can create.
A womans life is strange. You give and give, a man needs to love you, you need to love him, babies need to grow inside of you, then to suckle from you, your parents grow old, they need help, everyone needs something from you, there is no tme to live for yourself and this goes on for at least a couple of decades (if you have children) Then one day, like a play, a book, a movie, that is all over. It ends. The book says "the end" The auditorium empties, the lights go down, and you are left on stage, exhausted and limp from a wringing kind of love that lingers between heart beats, that hangs there on a molecular level, it's in your DNA to be a Mother now, but, your license has expired. Your breasts hang empty and light, your stomach shows scars, silver ribbons, cut into the fabric of your flesh, signs of the lives that once gestated there, their first apartment complex now vacated. If you hold on too hard, if you resist to let them go, you get chastized, you are "domineering or over bearing" If you turn loose, become independent, forget all of that and find a new life as a free agent, you also get chastized, they tried to call and couldn't reach you on this day at that time, where were you, they were worried! You live on their terms now, you give of yourself on their terms, no more, no less, because they have cell phones that they turn off if they don't want to be reached, but, your home phone is a monument to dependability and availability, the number has been the same for twenty years and you have answered for twenty years. You have to, what if there is an emergency and your wisdom is required, trust me, it does happen. I am lost, what to do? Do you give them what they want of you and find other ways to amuse yourself until you are called on for dog duty or house sitting or if you are blessed, infrequent and exceedingly impotent Grandmother duty? Not actually "free" but not actively tethered to my old duties either. I am~ these days, the dog that walks on the unheld leash, unaware that my master has evolved into another life? It's time to make another life, emotionally, if not physically, I can see that. I will start today, moving on, moving forward.
hillbillycrone hillbillycrone
56-60, F
56 Responses Jul 21, 2011

Hello Crone,
I've been moved by your story. I'm a young mother. My son is 18 months old, so as you can see, I'm only getting started. I do confess though that I want my freedom. A baby is tons of work, and ours was unexpected. Because we're so overwhelmed with this new parenting lifestyle, we have decided to only do it once. He'll be an only child and we are perfectly fine with it. As I read through your story though, I fast forwarded to a possible future. You said that after living serving the master one becomes programmed to live serving. I'm really afraid of that. Is my thinking selfish? idk. ..but one thing is for sure, I don't like that idea.
You should definitely move forward. Your children have grown up and it's their turn to be on their own. You're not their property and neither they are yours, not anymore at least. of course help when it's really needed. But please don't sit awaiting a call that may never come your way. Travel, experience, live life! it's too damn short if you ask me.

You speak from my heart! I'm on that threshold now. One kid left, one is already adult but stays for now. We mothers need to be a bit selfish, not to get lost. I admit that I have my cell phone always with me, just in case... lol read my mind and it is AMAZING that you know exactly how I am feeling ! lol............

Bless you msfancy!!

Thank you for this story, Crone. An inside look at the life of a mom gone through a hard life. Thank you, thank you.

Thank You for stopping in and reading my story. Bright Blessings~

(but I am at home everyday and that makes me open for any duty I can get, but his Momma is also at home and I am happy that she is able to be with him)<br />
<br />
Thank you so much for commenting here and leaving your suggestions, which were wonderful and very<br />

Thanks for dropping in and for commenting.

Plzz comment on my storyy

I cannot get into your profile, you are underage.

I am where you are three of my children are gone and independent. One of my children came back with his wife. They are living here while they go to college. I am his father, but I don't parent him. He gets advice only when he asks for it. It IS your time now. Injoy your. You have the right.

Thank you warmly for your kind comment.

Your post speaks everything about motherhood. Regardless of race or nationality, mothers just can't help being mothers. I think I will never stop being amother to my two children. Sometimes overbearing, sometimes over protective of their handicaps.

Thank You for your kind comment here. Sorry to be so long getting back, I don't get notified as I should of comments on older posts. Bless you.

Your words are so true. And you're an amazing writer. I admire you... This story just reminded me why I want to become a mother, and why life is not always easy, but that that is also alright, it's possible to move on. I hope life brings you joy in the change.

Oh and thanks for ispiring me to keep writing

I want to thank you for your very kind comments. Yes!.... keep writing and know that I appreciate your encouraging words. Blessings, HBC

You're most welcome. Thanks, and bless you!

The Forsaken<br />
<br />
Once in the winter<br />
Out on a lake<br />
In the heart of the north-land,<br />
Far from the Fort<br />
And far from the hunters,<br />
A Chippewa woman<br />
With her sick baby,<br />
Crouched in the last hours<br />
Of a great storm.<br />
Frozen and hungry,<br />
She fished through the ice<br />
With a line of the twisted<br />
Bark of the cedar,<br />
And a rabbit-bone hook<br />
Polished and barbed;<br />
Fished with the bare hook<br />
All through the wild day,<br />
Fished and caught nothing;<br />
While the young chieftain<br />
Tugged at her breasts,<br />
Or slept in the lacings<br />
Of the warm tikanagan.<br />
All the lake-surface<br />
Streamed with the hissing<br />
Of millions of iceflakes<br />
Hurled by the wind;<br />
Behind her the round<br />
Of a lonely island<br />
Roared like a fire<br />
With the voice of the storm<br />
In the deeps of the cedars.<br />
Valiant, unshaken,<br />
She took of her own flesh,<br />
Baited the fish-hook,<br />
Drew in a gray-trout,<br />
Drew in his fellows,<br />
Heaped them beside her,<br />
Dead in the snow.<br />
Valiant, unshaken,<br />
She faced the long distance,<br />
Wolf-haunted and lonely,<br />
Sure of her goal<br />
And the life of her dear one:<br />
Tramped for two days,<br />
On the third in the morning,<br />
Saw the strong bulk<br />
Of the Fort by the river,<br />
Saw the wood-smoke<br />
Hand soft in the spruces,<br />
Heard the keen yelp<br />
Of the ravenous huskies<br />
Fighting for whitefish:<br />
Then she had rest.<br />
<br />
II<br />
<br />
Years and years after,<br />
When she was old and withered,<br />
When her son was an old man<br />
And his children filled with vigour,<br />
They came in their northern tour on the verge of winter,<br />
To an island in a lonely lake.<br />
There one night they camped, and on the morrow<br />
Gathered their kettles and birch-bark<br />
Their rabbit-skin robes and their mink-traps,<br />
Launched their canoes and slunk away through the islands,<br />
Left her alone forever,<br />
Without a word of farewell,<br />
Because she was old and useless,<br />
Like a paddle broken and warped,<br />
Or a pole that was splintered.<br />
Then, without a sigh,<br />
Valiant, unshaken,<br />
She smoothed her dark locks under her kerchief,<br />
Composed her shawl in state,<br />
Then folded her hands ridged with sinews and corded with veins,<br />
Folded them across her breasts spent with the nourishment of children,<br />
Gazed at the sky past the tops of the cedars,<br />
Saw two spangled nights arise out of the twilight,<br />
Saw two days go by filled with the tranquil sunshine,<br />
Saw, without pain, or dread, or even a moment of longing:<br />
Then on the third great night there came thronging and thronging<br />
Millions of snowflakes out of a windless cloud;<br />
They covered her close with a beautiful crystal shroud,<br />
Covered her deep and silent.<br />
But in the frost of the dawn,<br />
Up from the life below,<br />
Rose a column of breath<br />
Through a tiny cleft in the snow,<br />
Fragile, delicately drawn,<br />
Wavering with its own weakness,<br />
In the wilderness a sign of the spirit,<br />
Persisting still in the sight of the sun<br />
Till day was done.<br />
Then all light was gathered up by the hand of God and hid in His breast,<br />
Then there was born a silence deeper than silence,<br />
Then she had rest.&nbsp;<br />
<br />
<br />
Duncan Campbell Scott&nbsp;<br />
<br />
<br />

Oh, this is simply beautiful, thank you for sharing, you are a tender and thoughtful soul.

I was hoping you would enjoy it, after I read your beautifully written story this poem kept coming to mind. I also am a mother with children recently leaving the nest, and with all the conflicting emotions that come with it. When your children are small, you are their world to them, and as they grow and slowly move away from you, you know it's as it should be, but hurts none the less. You know in your heart they will always need your wisdom and your love.. And that they will always love you. But just like we did to our mothers and they to theirs, they get so busy with living their lifes, we get pushed to the back of their do to list..until we are needed again.

What a wonderful and beautiful story. Thank you for sharing that.

When or if you ever have children, you will know that if being a garbageman makes your child happy and satisfied, and at will be happy for that child. Everyone is valuable and their life is sacred, what we "do" is such a small part of who we are! Don't be fooled by labels, many garbagemen are fascinating souls with much to offer the world. No one is better than the next, we are all precious.

I read your report. You seem to say that a Mother has many jobs to do. I will listen to you. I have no children so I do not have to do jobs to raise children. I will make plans to continue to have no children so that I can try to avoid the problems that you have raising your children. I think that a child can grow up to get a job as a garbadgeman and be a total failure. If the child is never born he cannot grow up to get a job as a garbadgeman and be a total failure.

Point made, if only life were that crisp! ;-) Thank You for participating.

My birth mother and father never saw me, and my adoptive mother and father disowned me after I was raped. So, I guess some mothers (parents) do retire. Some sooner than others. However, with my 31 year old son who lives 1500 miles away from me, there is no retirement for me. Even though I don't have his physical needs to provide for, he is always with me -- in my thoughts and prayers. I spend just as much emotional energy on him as when he was a child. That will never end. He knows I will be there for him until the day that I die!

Thank you for reading and commenting and, thank you for sharing your story.....Blessings to you...

You are a fantastic person and mother. I wish I could have had a mother anything like you . I said good by to my so called mother 22 years before she died because she was never a mother for me in any way. I cant recall her ever touching me ever. Forget about holding me as a little boy when I needed her, ever. If it happened I cant recall. She never put her arms around me, never kissed me, never touched me ever. My father was even worse he use to beat me to the point I now have whats called PTSD as a result of the trauma caused by him for little or no reason, there didn't need to be much of a reason. My so called mother never did anything to stop him even though she could hear me screaming from the pain he inflicted on me. She acted like it never happened and she never looked to see if I was even still alive while on the floor wetting my pants uncontrollably. Yes she brought me into the world but that's all she ever did for me as a mother. My parents never said in any form that they even liked me forget about love me. Wehen I went away for 4 years to fight for my country they simply said good by. We never hugged, kissed or even shook hands, we simply said good by and I left. I would have had a much different life if I had a mother anywhere close to what you were as a mother. I KNOW ABOUT WHAT IT TAKES TO BE A MOTHER There has to be a special place in heaven for Mothers like you. All the best that life can offer to you and others like you.

I thank you so much for your comments. I am deeply saddened by your story and I hope that you are geting really excellent treatment for your PSTD. Thank you for your service to our country, I honor your service. With much care, HBC

Hi HBC My life was like living in a cage with a hungry lion 24/7/365 for 17+ years until I legally could get out and the first day I could I did. I am now 78 and since that day I have been thinking about the purpose of the existence of mankind and our role as men and women. My view is that most men work 40 hours a week, for the most part, where as women work 12 to 16 hours a day 7 days per week. They work extra on holidays and vacation days and they do it long after the men are retired. The women make and have the babies as well as take care of them full time except when they are sleeping. They also have to take care of most of the support work for their husbands as well. Just have most men step in only for a short while when its necessary and they have a lot of trouble putting up with the requirement. This statement only covers the norm, the unusual requirements that's another story. Thank God for women!!!!!!!!!!!!

You are a precious man! Thank You. I hope your life was happier after you left home......your childhood was so sad and unfair.

Hi HBC Unfortunately children inherit the genes of their parents , that's the nasty side of being a child of abusive unloving parents. I survived only because as a very young boy I felt that it was so unjust a situation I was hatched in that I vowed to survive no matter what it took. The one thing I did learn very well though is what it took to be a loving woman and mother since I never had either growing up. I bypassed the child stage in order to survive my childhood.

1 More Response

I was the same, I thought nothing bad could ever happen to our happy family. The sorrow your Mother is feeling is like nothing I can begin to describe, but, your own pain is important too. Our daughters death has caused deep pain and sorrow for her brother and sister, they lost their best friend. Be kind to yourself dear one and know that you are not alone. Thank you for reading and for commenting. Hugs and Tender Care, HBC

Hi there,<br />
I love the way you put your thoughts into words. I wish I could do that too. I lost my only brother recently. He committed suicide at 22. Two days back he would have turned 23. We are still coping with our loss. My pain is not even half close to what my mom and dad specially my mom is feeling everyday that goes by without him. The sudden death has changed so many lives. I used think these things just happen to other people and now it just happened to us. I wish my mom could talk to you and both of you could share your sorrows. Now that I am a mom too..I have a 18 month old son..everyword that you wrote makes even more sense. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. May God continue to provide the strength to you and to us. Best regards.

Thank You, and may I say that I love your screen name! <br />
<br />
I appreciate your comments and I thank you for reading my post.

You're so cool. And I mean this in a good way.<br />
You've lost the best thing that ever happened to you, yet you keep moving forwards, almost KNOWING that you'll find your happiness and I admire you greatly for that.<br />
I've never lost anyone, so I can't imagine what it feels like. I'm lucky in that way.<br />
Keep moving forward you'll find your happiness.

I am hillybillycrone, I think your comments were to knifeintheback. <br />
<br />
I see or talk to my children daily. I am a little over eager for 911 duty ;-) with my one grand baby! <br />
(but I am at home everyday and that makes me open for any duty I can get, but his Momma is also at home and I am happy that she is able to be with him) <br />
<br />
Thank you so much for commenting here and leaving your suggestions, which were wonderful and very appreciated. Blessings In Abundance to you, HBC

How much sharper than a serpent's tooth is an ungrateful child... <br />
<br />
I have a sense that if we want a relationship with our children and grand-children, we need to be available so that when they notice that they miss us, there is potential to re-establish the friendship. What is unhealthy is to be at their 'beck and call'. <br />
<br />
By demonstrating that you're open to doing things with and for them, but that you have other responsibilities (some to yourself) and book time to do other things, you demonstrate balance and self respect. Letting them know that you need some notice so that you can make uninterrupted time shows that you value them, and don't want to be distracted by other things when they are around, but also that they are not entitled to ask you to 'bump' your arrangements at the last minute either.<br />
<br />
If you are pro-active in keeping in contact and inviting them, letting them know you enjoy their visits or being invited to their places, again it shows them one way of maintaining a relationship.<br />
<br />
On a practical note, do you have a Facebook or MySpace account? (maybe a silly question if you're on here :-) You may find it easier to be in kids' lives if you do. It also becomes another point of joint interest - get your grand-kids to show you how to set it up/customise it etc. even if you do know how. Go to a course about using the net products for both a social outing, new stimulation, new friends, and something to talk about with the children/grand kids. <br />
<br />
Be welcoming ~ but like the host at an important gathering, not like the door-mat!

This is such a well written post, eloquent in form and ex<x>pression. I am mystifyed about the part where it says loss of a child however. I am unclear about me it was metaphorical, as in they have grown up and moved on. If it was factual I am truly sorry for that. The rest of it I can relate to, having had a child very young. She grew up and became an adult who does not really want to be around me, and has taught her two daughters to do the same. I did not get along with my own mother who she revered and so I unconsciously taught her that. The kids love me but are afraid of losing her love, so they hold back. I was her "emergency person" on call all the time until I told her a few years ago... at a party where she tried to use me as a foil and excuse to her friends to not go somewhere with them, making a remark she couldn't leave her kids with me as I would not "make them do their homework etc." She just didnt' want to go. One time when she did end up attending this once a month dinner outing they have, she called me on the way there and said she "wished she hadn't said she would go." I told her then, next time you have an emergency, don't call me. Of course everyone thought I was the ***** from wherever. I had had enough of it. After that I asked her why didn't she call her father when she had emergencies, ( we have been divorced since she was 3, he is on third wife) She said it "wasn't a Dad thing." I asked what is a Dad thing? She would never inconvenience him for any reason, or disrupt his schedule, or ask him to go out of his way. But I can be called at 3 am because she has a headache and thinks she's going to die. I have noticed since I have stopped being 911 I hear nothing from her at all. I figure the kids are teenagers, when they are on their own they can have whatever relationship with me they'd like to. But I AM retired from emergency duty! Good luck to you. knifeintheback.

yes, we did lose a precious child, our 22 year old daughter, Emmy, to brain cancer in 2007. She was our baby girl. (We lost her right before her brother left for war duty) I have one daughter remaining that is a new Mom and she lost four babies, so this baby boy is soooooo special, I don't have him with me as much as I would hope. I want him more often than she needs me to take him.....We all have such high emotions when it comes to our children. They are the BIGGEST loves of our lives and everything with them is so intense. Feelings get hurt so easily. Bless you for sharing and I hope you get things going exactly as you want in your relationship with your daughter and grand daughters too in the times ahead. Our children are so close to our hearts, we have such strong feelings around them. Thank you so much for caring enough to comment and to share. Bless you and your daughters/grand daughters. Be thankful that you have them, do whatever it takes to repair anything that is broken, life is too short. Hugs.

I would love to sit and talk with you. What clean writing and uncluttered thinking. Thank you for the lovely response.

Poignant, how beautifully expressed.<br />
<br />
I wish for you strength, wisdom and courage to find yourself when the world has changed around you.<br />
<br />
Often what holds us captive are our own imagined limitations, and belief that things have to be "either-or" rather than "and" or "completely different than either of the two options presented.<br />
<br />
Maybe this is the time to draw strength and inspiration from friends and others around you, or whom you admire - to become something new again, like the butterfly emerging. Demonstrate for your children and grandchildren what an independent but dependable parent looks like when the children go..... good fortune to you always.

Thank you for your insight, I appreciate your reading this and your articulate comments. I agree with you. Smiling. <br />
Gratefully, S

it's amazing how we can end up in the same place even when our life story is not quite the same. I am also dealing with death, I also look to my creator, I also feel this gap. So we hang on, cry our tears, give our thanks and wait.... What I have come to understand is that I had titles. Yet now I am not a wife, not the caretaker of the pets members and the last I have just realized- I am no longer a mother, just mom. I am no longer a mother in that I have realized that they are adults now and it's time to let go and let God. I am me. ME. Once I would have thought that was Multiple Entities. Now it's more like a Mystery Evolving. <br />
Your writing is very good.. Keep writing when you need it. May love be with youjj

Thank you Jim, I appreciate your kind words and I plan to take your advise to heart.

Dear hillybillycrone: I accidentally deleted my previous reply. But : I agree with your last sentence in your post: "It's time to move on". And, yes, it is. I think it was Diana Ross who sang it: "It's my turn"?<br />
And yes, it's NOW YOUR turn.<br />
So do it. Move on, get your life together, be the best you can be. You've "done your job" in your life and have done it well.<br />
And yes, NOW --- it's YOUR turn. Move on with your life: find new opportunities; new challenges; new rewards; and --- at last, find the happiness that you seek.<br />
I wish the best of luck to you. We all stand behind you on this forum. Best regards: JIM

Indeed! Thank You Rapolis

Think on this,when you work for a company you get holidays,but when you are retired you never get a day off from that.

I am now faced with caring for an aging never ends, but, I am taking time for myself and asking for help from my siblings. Thank you so much.

Sorry, but Mothers are never allowed to "retire". There will always be those of your family: children and grand-children who will depend upon you. You can't escape this. However, IMO, now that you've accomplished, regarding raising your kids, it's YOUR turn to enjoy life. You are now supposed to be "free" and do that which you want to do. Pursue your goals, ambitions and dreams. It's your turn.<br />
Do it. And let your children, who are now adults, take care of themselves --- and respect your "new-fround" freedom". It's now YOUR life --- and live it as you choose. Your family can take care of themselves. Regards: JIM

Mother is a unparallal word....nothing can be compared with this.....i lost my mother few months back......though i am aged person....i feel what sacrifices she did for me.As a mother what u loss...its no way can be filled up.But the way u r feeling today as a proves u are a real great mother.....u gave them right path....u are proud of mother ever retires.....though its so heavy to burden this loss.Just be normal...accept it....its part of life.u'll be in my prayer....I wish best of lucl...My regards to u<br />

Thank You for caring, I appreciate your comment very much.

So sorry for your loss: but in my experience, a "mother will always be one". That, unfortunately is the "fate" dealt to you. It is you who chose to be a mother. After all is said and done --- you will be remembered by your children and grand-children, as the "mother" / "grand-mother". IMO, there is nothing you can do to escape this. YOU chose this life --- you gave birth and accepted your responsibilites as a parent. I know this sounds "harsh" --- and it's not meant to be.<br />
Personally? I respect mothers and grand-mothers. It is they whom we depend upon for support; moral, religious, love, care --- and are often dependant upon. As an example, where on earth would I be had I not had the support, encouragement and love from my parents and grand-parents? It is that which you can expect from those whom you gave birth to --- and their children.<br />
It isn't always a happy equation ---- every person in our lives is different. Some of your children and grand-children look up to you for support, which you may not be able to provide. Don't worry about it. It happens to the best of us. To be quite frank: some of our children and grand-children are simply out to "look out for themselves" (of course, with YOUR help). Selfish? Possibly. However, in the end --- you've "done you're job" --- you provided and did the best that you can. Be proud of that. NOW ---- "it's YOUR turn". Live your life as you see fit. I wish you the best of luck.<br />
Regards, JIM

Jim, you are right, I did choose Motherhood, it was no accident, I loved it and I still do. I love Grandmotherhood too. It is my bliss. I have never put anything ahead of my children and I am so proud of all of them. There is pride in having done a good and honorable job. My children all turned out to be kind, lovng, hardworking, law abiding and courageous. I just cannot believe time flew by so quickly! (I said "I" too often here, they have a wonderful father that was entirely engaged) It was not all ME!
Our Grandson is wonderful and I enjoy him more than I can say. He is almost two. Thank You Jim, I so enjoyed reading your words and I thank you for caring.

I have lost a child atged 7 when he accidentally fell over a cliff in England. It took me ten years to get over the grief. I meditate every day and find it helps to balance the mind, overcome difficulties and conflicts, find solutions, builds self confidence to make decisions and be at one with the world.<br />
I have written a book of 70 pages ba<x>sed on my research and own experiences . It is called "Lifestyle Renewal and Healthy Living" and is available on my website <br />
I think you are a very brave woman and thank you for posting your blog and expressing your feelings so clearly<br />
best wishes for a future happy and content life from Gerard in Australia

Thank you so much Gerard for sharing your thoughts and your personal heartbreak. I will look for your book. Thanks again for caring and for commenting. I appreciate this very much.

I have also lost a child aged 7 when he accidentally fell over a cliff in England. It is heart rending and took me a good ten years to get over the grief. I practice Meditation and it certainly helps me resolve problems, conflicts, self doubt, awareness, mindlefullness etc<br />
You are a very brave woman and I thank you for expressing your feelings so clearly.I have written a book of 70 pages ba<x>sed on 20 years research and personal experience. It is called "Lifestyle Renewal and Healthy Living" available on my website <br />
thankyou once again for posting your blog. best wishes for a future happy life from Gerard

It is not called the Change for nothing. It is a time to go within and find who you really ARE. Like everything in life it takes courage, but you have needed courage before and it came to you. Never forget that. When you bring up your offspring you are needed, and the hardest lesson is that you need to let them fly. You feel redundant. The beauty of it is that you now have the time to find out who YOU REALLY ARE. Go within and realize all those things that you have wanted to do. Cut the cords of the apron strings. Its not only the kids that need to do it, us women do too. You have done the early work as a parent and you will be needed again, maybe just to pick up the pieces, who knows? But in the meantime it is about you and what you make of it. I know your loss, it feels like wandering through a barren desert, but look for the path for you. You have filled your time with everything for others and now it feels strange because their is only you, which is BRILLIANT because it shows that you have done a grand job in raising your kids, and they want to go and put things into practice for themselves. You have given them the nurturing and knowledge to do that. Job well done. So be easy on yourself and take solace that you have done a grand job. In the meantime do all the things that you really want to do and even face a few fears doing them. You will become a new leader for them, I promise and plus it will bring fun into your own life, which you certainly deserve. <br />
Take care and God Bless

Thank You so much for this wonderful comment. You are a wise woman, thank you for caring.

thank you for reading and appreciating it

Thank you, your comment touches my heart in it's profound truth.

No mother ever retires. Our positions alter, we shift and change with the circumstances, some days we have light duty, some days we are "on" all day long, some days we have freedom, some days we are still needed mightily. Your prose is poignant and lovely. Mothers are Mothers forever. Just the degree of "mothering" changes.

I think that ea Mother does not ever retire.......But if we are very lucky......We get promoted to .....being a Nana......Or Grandma.....or what ever else you will be called...<br />
And that is the best job of all......We get to get to give them lots of candy and cookies......Shake them all up.....and then say.....<br />
<br />
Here ya go Mom......heheheheeh

Yes! I do have little Jace and I am really "into" TREATING HIM AND shaking him up!
he's my DELIGHT!

Frist let me say that I am profoundly sorry for your loss. I feel an instant kinship, thank you so much. I am fascinated that you are now with a woman. I once fell in love with a beautiful woman, it was like another world....but, we had nohting else in common AT ALL, only that we enjoyed looking at each other (laughing) it was a precious experience even though it only lasted a very few months. It was what I refer to as my "rosy pink" period, all flowers and lace and sensual pleasures between the two of us, but, in the end....that was WAY too much feminine drama and hysteria for me. My husband is much more suitable for me, but, he is as nurturing as a "breast" which helps greatly! I am so happy that you have found your heaven! <br />
Bless you and your heavenly new life.

Wow. Your story is almost mine, except I am 10 years older. I started my life over at age 55. Widowed at 54, in a relationship with a woman at 57. This was the beginning of heaven and hell tugging at my emotions daily. I'm so sorry for your loss. I haven't lost an adult child, however my 23 year old (favorite) grandson died suddenly and I have walked with my son and daughter-in-law in their grief as well as my own. Something one never gets "over", I believe. <br />
. I will write my story and post it soon. You have inspired me. Thank you!<br />
<br />

You sound very much like myself. Thank You for reading and for caring.

Wow an amazing insight into how us mums feel, i lost a child so i do understand the emothion. I also have two children who have left home and one off to University next month. This will be the first time EVER i have been on my own, just me and my husband. I will be having my grandaughter once a week from October and babysit when needed, i enjoy this. I make time for me now but still crave that feeling of someone depending on me. I don't know if i will ever feel different but i don't mind, i love my family and want to be there for them xxxxx

I love how you visualize for me "the empty nest." God bless you and give you peace in your loss. I am sure this has made it more difficult. I like the comment someone made about how you'll always be a mother, but you won't always parent. Our job is to help them learn to make good choices...not all will, but we do our best. Once they are adults, they are responsible for their own choices, and though we will always worry, we need lives of our own too. I decided to go to college. I have a 25 year old, a 21 year old, and a 2 year old. I am not waiting 'til my toddler is grown up....(I'll be geriatric by then!). It's time to do something for myself, as I still mother and parent, and love all of my children. I pray you find your peace, and enjoy redefining yourself!

Thank You so much, I am spending a lot ot time exercising and thinking.....I appreciate your kindness.

Good question the answer is no they never retire<br />

Yes, we are "lifers" once we are Mommas.
Thank You for reading and for commenting.

My daughter is 9-month old now and I'm a fresh Mom. But I deeply realized that you can not experience a mother's emotion if you have no kid yourself. I can understand your feeling and feel sorry for you. Everything will be fine gradually.

You are richly blessed, thank you for commenting and for reading.

Thank you so much, I am interested in reading your books. I want to thank you for your comment.

visit and view some of my real life stories..comments welcome..look forward to hearing from you...

I am retired from the medical field and had a life changing experience 4 years I write and published a book.."My life as a weed..." it speaks exactly of what you write, our decisions and choices in life and living with the new book "Whatever..I'm Still Here" to be published Fall 2011. Loved your the way many of us ( women) live outside the box of life as a way of surviving..AND NO REAL Mothers' NEVER RETIRE...weedbychoice..kjforce

What a beautiful way of putting it. Many mothers out there will relate. The loss of your child is terrible for you. I don't know if I would cope myself. My children have left, and returned, and left - and returned. It's not as easy as they thought and I look forward to the day where I know they are truly independant of me. After all, that's our job, isn't it? To raise our children and know they can look after themselves. But I am not an unpaid babbysitter, dog sitter or house sitter and never will be. I've done my time. I took it seriously and did it as best I knew how and now it's their turn. I am not ön call"for any of them. If they want to see me, then they should ring and make sure I'm available first, or be disappointed if I'm not there. They know this, and are happy to ring first. My door will always be open to my children and I will always help if it is genuinely needed, but it's my time now, and I'm busy creating a new life with new directions that I want to travel. I am on call to my aging father though, and this is fine too. I can fit it all in, and still smile and say Life is Good. Good Luck to you now. I know from your passage that you have the ability to think it all through and do what is best for you. Take care.

I really appreciate all of the wonderful rsponses, Motherhood is such a universal topic. Thank you for your comment, I appreciate your care and your time.

You will always be a mother but you will not always need to parent........ooxx thanks for sharing

you're a wise woman.

I think you are right. My empty nest came on brutally with the death of a newly adult child and our son going to an active duty warfront as a new infantry officer within six weeks of losing our daughter, otherwise, I think I would have transitioned beautifully. I consider myself lucky to still have my mind....but, I am doing well all things considered, and I have always been a very independent soul. <br />
Thanks for reading and for caring enough to respond.

I am so sorry you have suffered the loss of a child. I haven't gone through that so I wouldnt think to give advice and I am sure there is none sufficient. Life is full of ridiculous unexplainable loss that can only be journied through.<br />
<br />
As far as retiring from motherhood from children who have become adults; I am coming into that stage happily. I mothered long enough. I still have a couple years with my sixteen year olds but I can see the light and it is beautiful. I do't feel like I should be at my grown children's beck and call. If they are grown adults they don't need me holdn their hand. I always thought it was my responsibilty as a parent to work myself out of a job. <br />
<br />
As for the landline I have had for 23 years, I am about to have it turned off. They all have my cell phone. I am spreading my wings and happily going on. I am not planning to stay in an empy nest.

Strange, I raised my children never expecting thanks. Late in life I was cursed with an aldulterous husband who have given me a lot of grief; BUT my children gave me grandchildren. I was able and blessed to be able to take care of these little ones while their parents worked. Nothing, NOTHING except my children and grandchildren have given me real happiness. These little ones love me even tho I've gotten grey and old, more than I can say for my spouse.

Bitterness is a horrible thing. I don't know your precise situation and I'm sure I'll get grief for this but: did you try to find out why your husband cheated? Did you include him in your life or did you turn him away as soon as you had children? Husbands need to be more to their wives than just ***** donors, security guards and sources of financial security. The way you speak of your children and grandchildren providing you the only happiness you've had in your life leads me to believe that they were also the only recipients of your time and affection. A spouse, male or female, only cheats when there's something desperately lacking in the relationship. That's why they turn their attentions outward; in an attempt to find the happiness they're not getting at home from somewhere else.

That's beautiful, thank you.

I have read and I have practiced that allowing yourself to fully feel the emptyness and despair and be fully aware of the feeling (done in time limited sessions) invites the Truth to reveal itself to you. It is where you discover the continuity of life and where new beginings are revealed. Everything really does come from 'nothing'.

This is truly awesome!