A New Life? Or Running Away From The Old One?I want to start a new life - a new country, a new job, a new boyfriend ... everything a fresh start. problem is, if i do this (and i probably will do it), i wonder if it's purely starting a new life or is it running away from the old one? because i've done this before. many times, i guess.
i grew up as what is now known as a TCK (third culture kid). i travelled a lot and seldom settled anywhere for long. 27 different junior schools in various different countrys. so if i messed up, no big deal - could always start over somewhere else. sometimes i'd decide before arriving whether i'd be a perfect kid, a troublemaker or a confused kid. always fun to role-play. eventually i settled down in one place. we only moved three times in that country when i was still living at home, and i only went to 4 different schools. thats pretty settled for me. not sure i liked it though.
during college i met a guy and fell in love. he broke my heart messing around with another girl. after that i moved away - first time i moved away from home. got on a plane and just flew off with two suitcases. found a job, a house and settled down. lasted over a year. then i moved again. this time got the job before hopping on the plane lol. settled there for a few years, although moved jobs and houses often. then again, 10 years ago, i got a job, hopped on a plane and moved half way round the world. met a guy. wasnt really in love but biological clock ticked and i had two kids. broke up with the guy. and now i want a change again.
i'm not good at commitment. i've had a few boyfriends in my life. and i've had many many jobs (i keep about 12 on my cv but i've probably had 20-30 jobs or maybe more). i dont commit to one house ... i move often (been in 8 houses in the last 10 years and probably been in over 50 houses in my life - i really dont have a clue how many houses i've lived in, to be honest).
i want a new country. an english speaking country - so sick of foreign languages. i met a younger guy (13 years younger) and we are crazy about each other and thats been going on for over 2 years - an internet romance lol but we have met. have a weird relationship with ex. i try to support him emotionally etc but he's killing me - we broke up 3 years ago and he wont move one. wont see anyone else. he's an emotional disaster zone. tells me i'm meant for him and will one day realise that. tells me he loves me and will love me forever. threatens to undermine any new relationship he thinks i have (basically any time i talk to a male he things i'm going to run of with the guy). i dont want to take the kids away from him (he is their father after all) but i want a fresh start. i'm discussing possibilitys of moving and being with the younger guy (he'd also have to move) - possibly him moving to me first while we figure out where to move to next.
i want the kids to go to a local school. i want to hear people speak enlgish when im out and about. i want to relax and be happy. and .... believe it or not .... i want to settle down and find someone and somewhere to spend the rest of my life.
so am i running away? or is a new life a healthy thing to go for?
NuttierThanPeanuts 36-40, F 5 Responses 2 Jan 6, 2012