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A New Life? Or Running Away From The Old One?

I want to start a new life - a new country, a new job, a new boyfriend ... everything a fresh start. problem is, if i do this (and i probably will do it), i wonder if it's purely starting a new life or is it running away from the old one? because i've done this before. many times, i guess.

i grew up as what is now known as a TCK (third culture kid). i travelled a lot and seldom settled anywhere for long. 27 different junior schools in various different countrys. so if i messed up, no big deal - could always start over somewhere else. sometimes i'd decide before arriving whether i'd be a perfect kid, a troublemaker or a confused kid. always fun to role-play. eventually i settled down in one place. we only moved three times in that country when i was still living at home, and i only went to 4 different schools. thats pretty settled for me. not sure i liked it though.

during college i met a guy and fell in love. he broke my heart messing around with another girl. after that i moved away - first time i moved away from home. got on a plane and just flew off with two suitcases. found a job, a house and settled down. lasted over a year. then i moved again. this time got the job before hopping on the plane lol. settled there for a few years, although moved jobs and houses often. then again, 10 years ago, i got a job, hopped on a plane and moved half way round the world. met a guy. wasnt really in love but biological clock ticked and i had two kids. broke up with the guy. and now i want a change again.

i'm not good at commitment. i've had a few boyfriends in my life. and i've had many many jobs (i keep about 12 on my cv but i've probably had 20-30 jobs or maybe more). i dont commit to one house ... i move often (been in 8 houses in the last 10 years and probably been in over 50 houses in my life - i really dont have a clue how many houses i've lived in, to be honest).

i want a new country. an english speaking country - so sick of foreign languages. i met a younger guy (13 years younger) and we are crazy about each other and thats been going on for over 2 years - an internet romance lol but we have met. have a weird relationship with ex. i try to support him emotionally etc but he's killing me - we broke up 3 years ago and he wont move one. wont see anyone else. he's an emotional disaster zone. tells me i'm meant for him and will one day realise that. tells me he loves me and will love me forever. threatens to undermine any new relationship he thinks i have (basically any time i talk to a male he things i'm going to run of with the guy). i dont want to take the kids away from him (he is their father after all) but i want a fresh start. i'm discussing possibilitys of moving and being with the younger guy (he'd also have to move) - possibly him moving to me first while we figure out where to move to next.

i want the kids to go to a local school. i want to hear people speak enlgish when im out and about. i want to relax and be happy. and .... believe it or not .... i want to settle down and find someone and somewhere to spend the rest of my life.

so am i running away? or is a new life a healthy thing to go for?
NuttierThanPeanuts NuttierThanPeanuts 36-40, F 5 Responses Jan 6, 2012

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You sound like you are thinking whats best for you. Leave your kid with their father. Better yet, find your replacement in their lives then leave. If you are not stable now what makes you think that you will be stable then, your kids deserve more than you are will to give them. Let them stay with their father, you live your ideal life .

I've been running away myself all my life, i always wondered when will i find the place i wanna stay at. But recently i realized that it's the process of "running" that defines my life, i love to be on the move, i love change, i feel happy when i run. The only thing is that i accepted my past, my flaws and mistakes so that i wouldn't run away from them, know what i mean? I was also running away from my life, but now i just change things cuz this is who i am. And probably you are.

if you run for some more time like this i am sure your second half will be so regrettable. and more over your kids learn things looking at you and they go about the same way as you are. nithr you left with your kid nor hubby. think and make a move.

Wow! Finally I meet someone more screwed up than myself, lol. Sorry just joking. I do not think you run away, I just think your heart is still searching for a place it connects to and it has a body and brain that is always willing to do its best to make it happy. But the heart is making the choice and asking the brain and body to assist it instead the brain should decide then inform the heart that it is in charge and instruct the body to comply. <br />
If your heart is lonely and unfulfilled, do your best to find a proper place that fulfills certain aspects of your desires in a place, then find a job, then find friends, then a partner, then be happy. Don't find a job that forces you to be somewhere new, because new is not what your heart desires. Find perfect place, then the job in a perfect place. <br />
Also, if you are only content with the gentlemen not in love, then leave him too. People do not use adjectives to describe persons that they love. The young guy, the fat guy, the bald guy. So my guess is that he too is just another island you landed on in your journey. <br />
We all deserve our own undivided attention sometimes. I am a poster child for this thought. But one of the most liberating things in life is to be tied to someone who loves you. I know this and so do you. But maybe you need reminding as do I sometimes. <br />
<br />
:}

an interesting take on it - where would i be happy? i'll have to think about that one. as for the 'younger' guy comment - i actually think i do love him. i think of him and i say 'i love you' and i feel like something is missing since he left. i mentioned the 'younger' thing as it makes me nervous. age shouldn't matter, but in reality, a younger guy is really not socially acceptable (a younger woman is grrrrrrr). but, i honestly think we could survive the age thing and be a long-term loving couple.

I do not imply that I know more about your feelings and your relationship than do you, I just sense certain parts of your feelings are confused by your words. I do not want to offend at all, I just wanted to provide for you a different view. Ok, you "think" that you love him and "something" is missing when he's away. Think about those ideas for a minute. If my partner left me today, I would devastated and for the next year I would know exactly what would be missing. It would of course be her and her love for me. This coming from a former escort who never fell in love before with anyone until I am 30.
I do not know more than you, I just am able to see your life without the complicated emotions that your mind produces when you think of this man. I am only motivated by my empathy for your cry for help and I only want for you to find peace and love. It just does not sound as if the love you think you have with him is in any way similar to the love I share for my own partner. That is the red flag that slaps my face.
I would be horrified to think you will dump him over my thoughts so please refrain from that but I do think an evaluation of your life, your place and your love in in order before any big decisions that affect your children. Also the ex seems to me to be very co-dependent. You may also evaluate how you interact with him to see if perhaps you may be facilitating his refusal to let you go. It may be that he is insecure or afraid you will take his little ones to a far away place but it may also be that you are emotionally tied to him which sends mixed signals to him and makes him strive for the relationship he once shared with you. You should beware of that instability in him whatever the cause because dangerousness lives in instability.

You know there is only one person best placed to know this. Are you running away ? Only you will know the answer. It sounds like you've had a pretty turbulent past, so if you do move maybe you need to ask yourself what will be different this time to all the rest ? <br />
Perhaps you need to ask yourself also how will a move affect your children ? Will you be repeating your childhood with them with so much moving around ? <br />
I hope you make the right decision whatever you do :)

i don't think i'm running. my kids will be fine if i move. my oldest (8) has only been in one junior school and its an international school so the kids move around a lot and he's used to the way kids arrive and leave (and sometimes come back again). i think the international lifestyle is a good one and i'm not worried about moving the kids so long as i don't do it too often. i dont want them to be nomads, but moving 2 or 3 times would not be a problem. believe me, i do think of the kids and i also believe that having a happy mom would make their lives better.