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Unpacking The Emotional Baggage

Part of starting a new life is cutting loose all of the things hanging out in your mind before. I was once told that depression is caused by focusing too much on yourself. That is probably true to an extent and a lot of people would be much happier if they stopped focusing so much on themselves.

The past two years have been extraordinarily difficult for me as they would have been for anything. I had to give up a dream job because I was being harassed by a direct supervisor and all of the action I tried to take went ignored. I lost my home to an arson/murder to which I became a witness unwittingly. I attempted suicide and wound up in the hospital. Everything just spiraled out of control and I couldn't seem to stop falling down.

Part of the challenge I've been working on is coming to the understanding that I have emotional baggage that, even if things get better, will only spell out trouble in the future. It's hard to stop and think that all of the things you had felt and thought were true were actually not the problem. It's hard to admit that the way you've been thinking is flat out wrong. I'm working through that and finishing my Master's degree and going for a job that promises a totally new career. I don't know if things will all work out, but I am really hoping that everything will turn around and that I can start fresh. I am going to try to remain vigilant so as to spot problems as they come rather than crossing my fingers and hoping they don't bite me later on.
ShadowMonster ShadowMonster 22-25, F 4 Responses Apr 22, 2012

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i just read your story after responding to the Q & A person about their depression. you came across as a strong, no-nonsense and well-meaning person like myself. i have been through some hellish experiences like yours too and i don't understand the pity-me attitude so many have. i believe you are probably quite right in that self-obsession causes this common depression so many people have. so many can't see past their own private little hells and really, unless they've had their lives threatened or at least destroyed repeatedly by others' cruel actions, how could they know what it really means to be depressed about life? <br />
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yes, it's ok to fall down every once in awhile... and i have with the pain of it, i admit. but it's never been out of unhealthy self-focus. ever. whenever sh*t hits the proverbial fan in my life it's because someone else decided to do something detrimental to me. i seldom have control in that situation and it leaves one feeling helpless. yes there are wayz around the depression and PTSD and i'm seeking them out even when i fail at cheering myself up. i'm sorry you were treated unfairly for your suggestion at Q & A because it waz unwarranted. <br />
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peace be with you in your life too. thanks again for sharing your stories, good to have people like you here at EP.

You are both too kind. I am certain that you will find your own ways. I think everyone can be strong.

I admire you so much.<br />
If only I was able to be so motivated in life.

You have an amazing gift of resilence. Keep going you are strong!