For most of my life I have felt worthless, and have been battling depression, and anxiety. I just want to be happy, but I am still very much in the dark. I've been writing to God, and I'm not religious but I've been attending mass. It's to the point that I feel totally powerlessto whatever has been controlling me all of my life. I'm out of control, and in order to get it back I guess I have to surrender to something much larger than myself. Whatever that may be... I will get my life back, someday. But I am starting new.