Me And You.all Of Yall

BROTHERS AND SISTERS,MY I HAVE LIVED A LIE ALL OF MY LIFE,I DRANK AND SMOKE AND PRETENDED TO BE THE BEST IN ALL OF EVERYBODY WHO HAS SURROUNDED ME.I HAVE DROPPED OUT OF SCHOOL AND THOUGHT EVERYTHING WILL COME TO ME,WHEN I GROW UP I THOUGHT EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE TILL THE DAYS ALL OF MY FRIENDS GOT THEIR APPRENTICESHIPS AND GOT THEIR JOBS THEY HAD STUDIED FOR.NOW IM STUCK IN THIS SUNLESS,JOYLESS VOID,AND GREW UP IN A STRICT AND SUPPORTIVE FAMILY AND I REALLY THROWED AWAY MY FUTURE WHILE THEY GAVE ME EVERYTHING,HOW DOES ONE START FROM SCRATCH,AND I JUST HOPE WE CAN ALL BE FAMILY AN SUPPORT EACH OTHERĀ  AND GUIDE ONE ANOTHER
SAHHHHHH SAHHHHHH
22-25
1 Response May 16, 2012

Your story made me think of mine... I had a wonderful future "ready made for me" after I graduate from high school with high grades. My parents were wealthy and expectation for me was high as I'm their only child. For me, the pressure was too much. I started slipping out of the limits. I didn't know where I was heading to, life didn't have a meaning.<br />
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I lived alone in a city I didn't know anyone from. So I started drinking and making "friends", I skipped school often and finally dropped out from all the courses at the university. First I started smoking weed and finally end up doing drugs and giving my body to anyone that wanted to take it. I slept with men and women (I'm a woman myself) and in the end I slept to have more drugs too.<br />
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My family didn't know anything about it, I was hiding the truth. My parents get to know I've "broke up" with my fiance as I told them I'm expecting a baby to someone else. It had been a long time ago my fiance left me as I wasn't doing anything but cheating and wasting my life. He was living in another city, so it was easy to fake we hadn't separate.<br />
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Well, having a baby still changed me somehow back to myself. I quit drugs and drinking immediately, even before my period was late. But all the things happened in between and the wounds I've gotten, still never healed. <br />
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My life is "normal" and as I later found a man, married and had another child too, I sometimes feel very happy too. But the education I never got and all the lost years, horror experiences, rape, group sex, whoring, drugs, are still hunting me. I might suddenly remember past memories that paralyze me.<br />
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I feel I'm trapped in my past mistakes, I feel unclean and disgusting. I seriously need a new life too, this is why I came here... To see what other people have experienced and how they have solve it.<br />
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I suppose changes happen little by little, one after another. It takes years to get back on the right track. But it's better to start today than tomorrow, trying to reach the goals and fulfill the dreams you had. Going to school can help, also adults can still study and progress in life. It's not easy, 'cause everyone else has past that stage already. But maybe, when we're older we can catch them up.<br />
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I wish you all the best! The best thing happened to you is, you've seen your mistake. Some people never see the fault in themselves, so change is impossible. Keep on pushing! :)