Lowest

I want a new life. As writing this, I am all alone. I mean, I put all people away in my life. I was careless. I do decisions by myself. Not considering what my parents' side. And so they believed I am tough. And now, I cannot run to anyone. I am shy and guilty to ask for help when I took them for granted. I lived my life as if I do not need anyone. When in fact, I am really dying inside to have someone to ask me "How's life?".
yake1989 yake1989
22-25, F
1 Response Sep 12, 2012

How life? All alone as well but this time it is mostly a decision I made on my end. You see growing up I was poor had no father and a mother who was never there for me for the most part my grandmother was my mother until she died. Most of my friends had parents who took care of them and tried to keep them out of trouble, so I became a bad girl a rebel did not want to listen to any authority was in and out of trouble hung out with bad people. Was pretty much numb and heartless then I decided one day to change for the better so I did but karma came to get me and I had to pay for my poor decisions I made then. I was hurt by pretty much everyone in my life and I made very bad decisions. Now I want to work on myself by myself. Even though I do understand how you feel since a part of me deep down also hopes 'someone would be there for me at times of need and that I could have someone to trust. "Friends" I never had a problem finding and making it was keeping them and trusting them is the problem. I have been hurt so many times by people so now I will do my best to do me. Worry about me and better myself without feeling the need to have people around and have to worry if they will hurt me days months years from now. Born alone die alone is how I feel now.

Life's still difficult. Besides I still feel down. I don't know how will I start.I needed help. No one seems to care. They still see me tough. I don't know what to do. There came a point that I wished not to wake up anymore. But there still a part of me fighting. Fighting that one day I can stand again and show them the best smile. And have back the special people in my life. I just don't know how to start.

It definately is difficult yake trust me I know all about that. I was once told by a much older woman when I would tell her my problems "you have to roll with the punches" I often have to remind myself of this. We all need help some more than others and I know I feel the same no one cares that is why I rather be alone then with those who I feel truley do not care about me how I feel or what I am going through. All you can do is stay strong and keep your head up like you say just keep fighting! That is what I am doing even though I am very scared with my situation right now. I lost my special people too and I hope to get them bak one day but if I dont then I have memories and will know it wasnt meant to be. You start by always having on your best smile even when you are dying inside because you have to stay strong to get through life. Wishing not to wake up is a cowardly way of dealing with circumstances so get that out of your head. Keep telling yourself that what is meant to be will be and god would not put us through alll of this if he did not feel we could handle it. And never forget what doesnt kill us will only make us stronger so please stop thinking like that you will one day look back and say wow I made it :)

Thank you for keeping me reminded not to lose hope. One day, yes! I will make this and get through all of this! You don't know how much your comments has effect on me. It's different here, I am free to breathe out my feelings.And it makes me feel lighter when there is someone to talk to.Thank you.

I am very glad to be able to help and let u know that u are NOT alone there are so many people who are in worse situations than u and I so breath and keep ur head up and remember what is meant to be will be we cannot fight fate all we can do is try and make the best of it :-)

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