Going To The Netherlands...

So my "story" is unfinished, I suppose. It hasn't happened yet. I'll be surprised if anyone reads this in it's entirety. I guess this is just the story thus far.

I've had a rough life, I constantly feel like I'm growing up somewhere that I do not belong. I live in a very privileged country but I've had to face problems that many people, no matter what country you live in, shouldn't have to face. I've been bullied my entire life, at every school I've gone to. I had to change schools 5 or 6 times to avoid being bullied. I've had people bet on which one of my friends would kill themselves first, so people would bully the one they bet on to try and drive them closer to suicide.

But that's not even the tip of the iceberg for me. My longest relationship was with a man who abused me emotionally, physically, and sexually. I've been addicted to cutting since I was 14, and I try my best not to relapse. My parents are druggies and can't pay the bills. I've been without hot water for over a year, I've forgotten what a nice warm shower feels like. I've had an eating disorder and my weight radically changes. I've tried to kill myself twice, both times I ended up in the hospital. I'm on antidepressants that make my anxiety 10 times worse. I dropped out of school because of my social anxiety and because I fell too far behind after being in the hospital for some of the school year. I'm ****** up, unlovable, broken, and I just want to die.

I met a friend through Facebook a long while ago who decided that enough was enough and that he no longer wanted me to suffer. He wants me to come live with him in the Netherlands. He doesn't want any romantic involvement with me, he's doing it out of pure altruism. Which I find weird so I am paranoid. (Some people may think I am too trusting of my friend who I met, since the circumstances of our meeting are strange. I have undeniable evidence he is exactly who he says he is. I'm not an idiot, and I would not be fooled by someone over the internet.) However, anything is better than where I am now. I need to get my Irish passport and save up enough money to leave, but it's harder than I thought. The job situation in my city is terrible, I've been looking for full time work since March. I can't find anything. I wish I could just wake up tomorrow and have enough money to get there and support myself for a little while. If I had $5000, I could live for an entire YEAR without needing to find work in the Netherlands (which I'm not planning on doing, I'm going to be finding work and going back to school as soon as I get there).
I guess I just needed to vent, but there's my story. My unfinished story. I hope I can finish it.
Sycamori Sycamori
1 Response Sep 23, 2012

Finish your story..... you can do it!