My Life

6th grade many things began to change about me. Sooner or later I began to notice that I didn't know who I was anymore. Until this day I still don't know who I am. I used to believe Courtney was my best friend, but I started to second guess her. My attitude started to change, as well as my actions. I started coming home late, doing what ever I wanted, and hanging out with who ever I wanted. I hardly listened to my mom. My relationship with my family wasn't as close anymore. My first love was Isaiah. I soon started to have guy problems with him. One minute I hated him, but then the next minute I loved him again. The 8th graders in the school gave me the hardest time. That's when things started to get worse because my brother got involved, and so did the police and vice principal. The only thing good about the 8th graders bullying me, was that they made me and my brother have a better relationship. I started to become meaner so people didn't think I was weak. Then I started to get really bad mood swings that I couldn't control. 7th grade was same thing, but everything started to worsen. I feel like no matter how much I try to change something about myself, I always fail. Now I'm in 8th grade and I finally told my mom I need help. She doesn't believe I have a serious problem, but yet I never told anyone what's been going on in my life. I feel as if I'm never happy and I can never be happy.
monibear monibear
13-15, F
1 Response Dec 6, 2012

Just try and think of the type of person you want to be. Keep it close at hand, even if it means writing it down on a scrap of paper you keep in your pocket. Change takes lots of dedication and patience, and it sometimes takes lots of time!

I felt very very very similarly at your age - like I had to distract myself otherwise all I could think about was how much I felt my life slipping out of my control, things happening that only broke me down instead of things that I could be grateful for. Eventually, it got old. I got tired of it, and decided that I would make time for myself instead of distracting myself. I would explore things that I was curious about. I built a pattern of learning and pursuing passions, and eventually it helped me break out of the awful moods and depression.

Imagine a day in the future - it doesn't have to be tomorrow or next week or six months from now. Just some day in the future.. when things are NOT bad, you have a comfortable space that's your own, and people to smile and laugh with. The more you visualize this future day, the more it will become a truth for you in the present as well.