Ugh

Everything seems to suck. My friends are all blah to me. Nobody understands me. I want to move. All of these thoughts are in my head. I'm not doing so well in school. The grading system is so stupid where I go to school at. My friends are drifting away. I often have the urge to quit my job as cashier because I don't like working. It takes opportunities away to be able to hangout with my friends or have time for myself since I am usually hanging out with my friends. I don't really need the money as of now anyway. I don't have my license or a car, so I don't need to pay for gas. It just ends up being spent on random stuff here and there. My mom complains about me taking money out of the bank even though I work for it. I also want to quit because I feel like they wouldn't be accepting of me dying my hair a different color, such as blonde.
I realized today while I was with my friends' family for her birthday that my family is not as accepting, serious, complainy, and they talk behind each others backs. I want to move to s different state. Just like my mom and I. I don't live with my dad and I only have one brother that's practically never around but he is 24 so he can do whatever. Another reason why I don't like living here is because my boyfriend that I love to death used to live with me and anything reminds me of him and it all hurts. I do have a boyfriend now, but we lack communication and it's hard going from a guy you love that is living with you and you talk to ill the time to someone you just like that doesn't even have a phone and usually just see at school or hear from barely on facebook. Ever since my ex was living with me I paid more attention to him than school and now that he isn't here, I'm doing even worse. I know I'm lazy, but now it's gotten to the point I know I'm doing bad in school and I want to do something about it but I just can't bring myself to it. Finals are coming up here shortly for my junior year and I'm pretty sure I'm going to fail a class or two. "No kid left behind" - well I feel like that kid. Math has been the worst subject for me my whole life and I asked my counselor last year if I could be in alp algebra 2 but she said I couldnt be in it for some reason. I don't understand. If I get bad grades in math every year and even fail a class, why am I not in an easier/slower class that would work out better for me? Also, every year I'm put in an early morning math class and the one semester I'm in an afternoon class I happen to have a good grade in... I'm so frustrated with my life situation right now and I did not go to school today other than at lunch to hangout with my friend/ exroomate for her birthday. Ugh. I don't know what to do with my life. I just wanna move and start somewhere new. I've never been the new kid. Ever. & really I find it to suck. A lot. Mk. Goodbye.
nnylhsa3 nnylhsa3
18-21, F
Dec 11, 2012