My Wings Have Outgrown This Cage

I know I'm probably too young to be having this somewhat out of body experience, but when you get used to moving so much as a child the thought of living somewhere for more than 4 years, especially the smallest backwoods-est town in the south I break out in hives. Wow, I should practice using periods more often. I am unhappy in every aspect of my life, I don't think I'm running away from a problem, but I do know I don't belong here. My career and education are suffering, because even before the tough economic times I was still stifled. I'm ready to be somewhere where I can grow, and opportunities are abundant, I want to meet a man that is well versed in poetry, travels, and enjoys nature documentaries as much as me AND still wants to get married. That's another thing, this "boyfriend" I have is UNBELIEVABLE, everything is perfect EXCEPT we don't share the same religious beliefs and after almost 3 years of dating he hasn't even told me he loves me. I'm pretty much (this is how I Feel) like a nicely treated--"semi" kept woman. To some that may be flattering, but to me this **** is wearing me down.Am I asking for too much? I don't want a Holy Roller, but at least ACKNOWLEDGE the man upstairs. My family is full of un-wed single mothers with bad credit, and I'm the last hope of the flock. There is alot of weight on my shoulders, and still as a black woman in the south I find a way to grin and bare it, but inside I'm a ticking bomb. I substitute teach during the week, and today on my way home from work as I smoked my last cigarette I got the urge to keep on driving NORTH until my car ran out. But, instead I found his site, got on my soapbox and vented. *sigh*

CagedNP CagedNP
22-25, F
4 Responses Mar 9, 2009

Trust yourself. If you feel that this guy isn't right, then he's not right. Those seem to be pretty big exceptions to me. Who cares if other people think the way he treats you is flattering? You're the one who has to live with him FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE if you make that commitment to him, and you don't sound to me like that would make you happy. Maybe you're still with him because you feel constrained. I was in a nearly 2 year relationship with someone who *did* tell me he loved me, but never really showed it, emotionally. My friends told me I was a poster child for a suicide hotline (never reached that point, but I was close to that miserable). I feel like part of the reason I stayed with him was because I met him too soon after I left my hometown, where I felt like I couldn't be the real me because it would cause too much turmoil. I feel like if I'd had some time to redefine myself after moving, without being under the watchful eye of the community, I would never have stuck with that guy for two seconds.<br />
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I think it is when we are younger that we have these experiences the most. When we are older, we better know who we are, what we want, and how to get it. Doesn't mean we always know what we're doing :) but I have found myself in a better position to deal with these issues now that I've grown up a bit. A wee little bit. ;)

Hon, run, be free... if he doesn't love you, be alone. It's hard, I was alone for almost 6 years, but I grew stronger for the experience. Message me, I am here A LOT.

Stay where you are....But change the man that you are with....Keep up with the school...and make a better life for yourself that the other woman of your family did...<br />
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Only then will things change for the better...

Trust your instincts. From what you are telling, you are recognising what is wrong. You will not be available for the right man if you are stuck with the wrong one, and sounds like you are just hanging on. Have confidence in what you know is right so the right things can come your way. All my best!