I Know I Am Not Where I Belong

I have no idea what I'm doing.

I keep looking at my hands, like they did this, like I manually created this life from something tangible like dust.

"what dust we dote on."

I used to say this like it defined me. I do. I dote on dust.

Today, my friend said, "You are an extrovert, you put out energy when you're getting energy back. Being isolated like you are has made you empty."


I'm very social. I love talking, even in front of crowds. I definitely feed off the energy. I'm so alone here.

I made all the choices that led me here.

I have two options: make the best of this or start over.

I don't even know which one is scarier.

I'm usually so optimistic, an idealist, even.

Today, my reality is crushing me.

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2 Responses Feb 9, 2012

Omg, I feel like you were talking about me! I feel like I am living someone else's life! I wake up every morning hoping I wake up in my real life and when I realize that I am not I get depressed all over again. I don't know what I am going to do!

This is so sad. If you need people and to be around them to feel like yourself you're going to have to find away to get back around people and be extroverted and full of the energy that defines you. I really wish you the best in this really difficult place. Good luck my friend!