Glenn Beck Can't Find His Penis

This is a tragic story that should have even Beck’s detractors feeling sympathy for him, and understanding better his need to attack a virile man like President Obama. This story began during his single semester as a theology major at Yale. It seems that some sorority girls on a rampage “detached” his penis when he was passed out from drinking too much. The police were unable to narrow it down to any single sorority because Beck was so universally hated by the women on campus. Apparently one of the girls involved felt bad about their actions, and returned after an hour to leave a note with clues on where to find his penis. But Beck never found it. On the condition of anonymity, the girl, now woman, who left the note told this reporter that “any idiot would have been able to find it, but not Glenny.”

If Beck couldn’t find it, why didn’t someone help him? “You know, people really, really didn’t like Glenny back then. Though he has a lot of fans now. Maybe he could post the clues on his website.” She looked briefly excited at the possibility of being exonerated of her guilt over her part in the tragic prank. But then her face fell. “But I guess they wouldn’t be any more able than him at following the clues. And he would have to admit to the whole thing of not being able to find his own penis. . .” 

EvesHarvest EvesHarvest
56-60, F
6 Responses Feb 11, 2010

Hillary Clinton has no problem finding hers.


Glad you like ti Arch. It was therapeutic for me to write it.

hehe :)<br />
x<br />

Hey, he sounds a little like the chief of police on The Simpsons, too.

Cheif Martin Brody knows,<br />
<br />
It's in the "yahd", not too "fah" from the "cah"