15 Years Old

I'm farely new to being Bulimic. I've been doing it for about a year and a half. These past two months it has gotten pretty bad. Not only after ever meal do I force myself to vomit i also do it after i have a sad feeling or and empty feeling. Sometimes i think I have mental issues that are making me do this. I wanted to start to try and become small, skinny, pretty. As it gets worse I see that it's that I want attention if it's from this problem or being pretty, it doesn't matter. It's not like my parents don't love me or talk to me all the time (I'm incredibly close with them) but thats not the attention wanted. I don't even know how to explain these feelings. Sometimes I feel so sad or empty inside that I want it to end. I guess it's better than actually killing myself, but it's not helping. Also as i go on like this I start to tell my closest friends to see if they can help, they are nice and do help a little. I get them promise not to tell an adult about it or tell my promise, but every time i say that to them I want them to say "no this isn't okay, someone needs to know" and help me help myself to get help. I want to stop but I'm stuck in front of the toilet, scared if i don't do this ill fall and take a next step and actually try to end my life.
anonymous228 anonymous228
13-15
Nov 27, 2012