No More!

Im kind of an all or nothing person.
So for me, when it comes down to drinking, it's just easier if I don't.
Funny thing is, it took me 4 years of solid binge drinking and all the consequences that came with it, to realise that.
I am lucky I guess, that I took action in time, if I had left it another six months, who knows where I would be?
I realise now (after being sober for almost 3 months!!!), that my drinking so wasn't healthy! I would drink almost
everyday, starting early in the morning and be half cut by about 2pm in the afternoon. My choice of poison was bourbon
& coke. I would drink maybe 12 standard drinks on a good day and 18 upwards on a not so good one.
This is actually really bad, considering I am 5'3 and very slim, so I would get completely trashed, abuse people, get into fights,
lose my stuff all the time (including my passport,cell phone, wallet, numerous occasions), get taken advantage of, numerous incidents involving police, and I would do stuff that I would really regret then next day and know deep down it wasn't right, but just not care because I was so drunk.
So yeah, I guess the turning point for me was when I fully hit rock bottom, I just had a thought one day and I was like, What the hell are you doing? Ýou've got your whole life ahead of you! Stop hiding behind your drinking and do something about it!~So I did.
And it hasn't been easy, I still crave a drink, but I know if I have one, that will lead to another and another and the cycle will just keep going.
So Im trying to stay focussed and it does get easier, but trust me, I feel a million times better not drinking. NO HANGOVER lol best part.
CrazyBeautifuL420 CrazyBeautifuL420
22-25, F
8 Responses Jul 28, 2010

It's very hard to stop. I have just started stopping, and it is really not easy.

It's very hard to stop. I have just started stopping, and it is really not easy.

Congratulations on your sobriety CrazyBeautifuL420. You can save yourself so many years of needless pain by your acceptance that you cannot drink. It took me over 30 yrs before I came to that conclusion.<br />
"I still crave a drink, but I know if I have one, that will lead to another and another and the cycle will just keep going." In rehab they used to say "When you have a craving, play the tape all the way through." You are doing that. Excellent.<br />
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Beware the warning times when we are hungry, angry, lonely, tired (HALT). Also, it is good to have someone to turn to if you have a strong craving and feel yourself slipping. AA has sponsors who you can call when this occurs. Also if you are an alcoholic--and only you know this--remember it is for life. You can never social drink. <br />
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There are problem drinkers who have a bad time in their life, chose to use booze, get into trouble, but are not alcoholics. I have one who is a friend of mine. He had an alcoholic mom and would get stupid drunk while I maintained my drinking better. But today he can drink two or three beers and stop. Nor have I seen him drunk in the last 20 yrs. As an alcoholic I know I cannot drink socially. I tried to control it for years unsuccessfully.<br />
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CrazyBeautifuL420 you are right it does get easier. It took me a year before I could start to realize "the promises" included in the AA book. Keep it up and do not forget your spiritual path; after all, something was missing from the beginning or you would not have continued to drink when problems began to arise because of it initially. Many times that something is our lack of spirituality.

I think this is why Ep is such a great place, because you can relate to, and connect with people who are trying to overcome the same obstacles and going through the same thing as you. When I first decided to give up alcohol most of my friends had a laugh and thought yeah right give it a couple of days and you'll be back to your same ways, and their reaction to me saying that, made me think, really think, what am I up to, is this how I really want to be, to my friends and family, the people I love. I mean if they couldnt even belive that I could give up alcohol, it made me feel like a lost cause, It made me want to prove them wrong. And the only way for me to do that was to move out of the city I was living in, I moved abroad infact, away from the crowd and scene I was involved with, started reading heaps of books about stuff that really interested me, got a full time job which keeps me pretty busy(not in my usual hospitality industry though, too much temptation alcohol wise lol), I also write poetry and am trying to get out and about and meet as many interesting and beautiful people as I can. I have to admit Ive been smoking alot more cigarettes (and mj for tht matter) than I had been when I was drinking, I still crave a drink now & its been like 4 & a half months, I would die for a JDs and coke right now but its so not guna happen lol, gotta keep strong, for my family and my friends but most of all for myself. Keep at it, you can do it, I believe in you =)

I talked to a friend today about it, but I just don't think they get the all or nothing mentality, like I can't start because I won't stop. I always hear, well I don't think you need to quit, just dial it back, that's what they don't understand, if I could dial it back and drink socially and have fun with it, then it wouldn't be a problem, I would do that, but I know I can't.<br />
I haven't drank today, so here's a start. It would seem like it would be so easy to just say, ok I wont go to the store, i won't buy it. I'm going to try to keep that in my head, like hey it's simple, don't buy it! I'm hoping it will help me take the weight off too. All that alcohol was needless calories I don't want to consume. Thanks for responding to me, reading your story and the stories of others has helped alot to make me really see it's time to make this a big priority. Right now my main priority. Can I ask though, like have you been to any parties or out with friends that you used to drink with? How have you handled it? Have you chosen any new activities to replace drinking?

Hondaquadgirl; You've made the first step! Realizing you have a problem! And the second, seeking others advice and experiences or help if you like. Thats an awesome start!<br />
Im here if you need to talk about anything, and I think it is fantastic you have made the decision to quit drinking! Good on you!!!

I could really relate to your story. I'm not at the stopping point...I was drunk last night, I know i need help, I hated myself a lot this morning as is usual. So I am here today, hoping I might find friends to talk to who can realte to me and possibly help support my decision to quit.

I started keeping a journal, and when I felt like drinking Id write down how I was feeling and why I felt the need to have a drink. Álso just really tried to keep myself as busy as possible, removed myself from a toxic environment ( where I was surrounded by heavy drinking alot), decided on some personal goals, daily, weekly, 5 years time etc. Stuck to them ( so far )<br />
I used to feel the need to drink alot to hide what I was feeling and forget about ****, but after stopping, Ive been writing poetry and finding that it is an amazing release, it lets me express myself, maybe you should give that a go? I wish you all the best , stay focussed, you CAN do it. :)