Lost And Need To Be Found

I desperately need to make a huge change in my life, but I don't reaIly know where to start. I am 27 year old mother of 2 and I have too many addictions (cigarettes, alcohol). I have had all of these addictions since my 16th bithday, with the only break being the pregnancies of my kids. After High School, I got pregnant and married and moved to Germany, where it was legal to drink at 18. My ex-husband and I didnt really know anything else but drinking, which eventually ended the marriage. I am now in a relationship, but it too, started at a bar. I never drink and drive and I hide smoking from my kids, but I am sick of this lifestyle and I want to be a happy, healthy mother for my kids to look up to and be proud of. I drink every single day and I had quit smoking cigarettes for a few years but just recently started again. I have always smoked weed also, because my lame excuse is that it helps me sleep (I only do it before bed when my kids are in bed) but enough is enough! I know I can do it, but the part that is killing me is that my fiance does all of these things as well, and like I said, we met at a bar. How do I convince him that I have to stop and I am not going to stand by and watch him do it while I am trying to quit? I am so lost, and every time I think about it, I become stressed out and eventually turn to smoking a cigarette or going to get beer. Somedays I just lay in bed and cry because I do not know how to stop. I guess I have to post this to begin the process, but I am fearfull for the future, because drinking is all I have known for the last 10 years. Any advice is greatly appreciated, but if your going to comment that you are better than me, just don't. I have read so many stories on this site that have others make rude and nasty comments that its pretty sick that someone would go through all that trouble to try and make themselved feel better by putting others down...(maybe they need to start their own experience) Anyway, this is my first admission/blog ever and I hope I can do it!

p.s. I have already had a glass of wine today....fail
iamsorryagain iamsorryagain
26-30, F
5 Responses Oct 30, 2011

It is a beast of a road, no doubt. I am a ten, maybe twelve year alcoholic with at least a fifth a day habit. I had to hit absolute bottom, losing my wife, my friends, and almost landing up homeless before I could admit I had a real problem. Kudos to you for seeing it early. I'd recommend a book that helped me understand addiction and recovery. Its called "Cracked: Putting broken lives back together again" by Dr. Drew Pinsky. Its a good read, and he covers the whole relapse process with a kind hand. It taught me that until you "get it", until you really own your addiction, recovery is very difficult. I think I own my addiction now, but only time will tell.<br />
Don't give up. You aren't alone. Feel free to drop me a line if you need an online recovery buddy.

My mom is an alcoholic. I would give anything for her to quit drinking. Seek help and never give up and you will be successful. This was a great first step.

Hi Matt again-that organisation I refered to should have read Turning Point not Back in touch-may be them or something similar in your area!<br />
Again good luck!

You musn`t try and do this alone.If you are phsically addicted to alcohol just stopping "cold turkey" can bring on a potentialy fatal seizure.Don`t be embarrassed-it is a very common problem-see your G.P,if they are unsympathetic (although this is rare these days) see a different G.P. I have been alcohol dependant for 20 years and carried on drinking despite being hospitalised 5 times with potentialy fatal Pancreatitis.My G.P put me in touch with an organisation in my area called Back in Touch with whom I have just completed hopefuly the last in a series of chemical therefore safe detoxes with follow up support from an excellent psychiatric nurse specialising in addiction.If you stop for a while then start again as I have many times dont beat yourself up just put it behind you and start quitting again-it often takes several attempts!<br />
The services are out there-pester until you get them,if you had a broken leg or M.S or any other illness you would go to the doctors. Alcohol dependance is a disease like any other and the good news is it is perfectly curable with the appropriate treatment!<br />
Hope thats of some use,<br />
Good luck,take care,be patient and all the best,<br />
Love Matt xxx

Hi,<br />
<br />
Also 27,mother of 1. In a relationship. Slightly different to you though . . .my partner and family are des[erate for me to stop drinking. After many failed attempts i have joined aa and havent had a drink in 3 weeks. Im still struggling though. Really. I cant get to grips with it all. Drinking has been all i have known also for 10 years, parties,girls night,socialising with neighbours etc. But i know that my life has became unmanageable and drinking has control over me now, not the other way round. First things first . . .admitting that you are (i hate this word to but cant change it) an alcoholic. I am too. I always will be. Its something in me and always will be . . my only hope is to never drink again. But that thought horrifys me . . .so i have to live in the now. You can do something for one day that would horrify you if you thought you had to do it for a whole life time .. .so wake up each day and say . . today im not going to drink,just for today,then say the samne thing the next day and the next . . .eventually you will get used to saying it and it will become a part of your life. If you partner truly loves you he will understand and respect your decision. If not,your better off without him . . .and slowly your life will come together. I feel for you badly as there is nothing i would love more right now than to drink . . .but i cant. I simply cant. Just as people with nut allergies cant eat nuts,well im allergic to alcohol so cant drinkj. You can do anything at all in the world,theres only one thing you cant do . .is drink that liquid in the glass. Theres people out there who would love their problems to be solved by simply not drinking. Mothers who's children are desperately sick and would happily give up alcohol for the rest of there lives if their children would get better again. On the grand scale of things,our problem is small. We are here,alive,have children,homes . . .and drinking will never make things better,only worse. Over time,like mine has,its made things worse. Since i stopped drinking my relationship is amazing,family want to talk to me, i feel slightly closer to my son (who my bond with practically died through drink) i have just got a new job that i know i will stick at because hangovers and party nights wont get in the way. Keep in touch and maybe we can help each other.<br />
<br />
Love Lucy xxx

You're right about changing your partner. Keith Richards got rid of his wife to rid himself of his heroin addiction. You have to do it (quit) together, and he knew his missus was doing the stuff behind his back. I am no heroin addict thankfully, however alcohol is my master, and hopefully my new girlfriend who doesn't enjoy beer and wine can help me with my addiction.