Lost And Need To Be FoundI desperately need to make a huge change in my life, but I don't reaIly know where to start. I am 27 year old mother of 2 and I have too many addictions (cigarettes, alcohol). I have had all of these addictions since my 16th bithday, with the only break being the pregnancies of my kids. After High School, I got pregnant and married and moved to Germany, where it was legal to drink at 18. My ex-husband and I didnt really know anything else but drinking, which eventually ended the marriage. I am now in a relationship, but it too, started at a bar. I never drink and drive and I hide smoking from my kids, but I am sick of this lifestyle and I want to be a happy, healthy mother for my kids to look up to and be proud of. I drink every single day and I had quit smoking cigarettes for a few years but just recently started again. I have always smoked weed also, because my lame excuse is that it helps me sleep (I only do it before bed when my kids are in bed) but enough is enough! I know I can do it, but the part that is killing me is that my fiance does all of these things as well, and like I said, we met at a bar. How do I convince him that I have to stop and I am not going to stand by and watch him do it while I am trying to quit? I am so lost, and every time I think about it, I become stressed out and eventually turn to smoking a cigarette or going to get beer. Somedays I just lay in bed and cry because I do not know how to stop. I guess I have to post this to begin the process, but I am fearfull for the future, because drinking is all I have known for the last 10 years. Any advice is greatly appreciated, but if your going to comment that you are better than me, just don't. I have read so many stories on this site that have others make rude and nasty comments that its pretty sick that someone would go through all that trouble to try and make themselved feel better by putting others down...(maybe they need to start their own experience) Anyway, this is my first admission/blog ever and I hope I can do it!
p.s. I have already had a glass of wine today....fail
iamsorryagain 26-30, F 5 Responses 1 Oct 30, 2011