Day 1

Today is the day I finally admitted to myself and my husband that I am an alcoholic. I feel lower than low.

I called in sick to work today and am going to an AA meeting at noon. I don't know what else to do, I've tried quitting and cutting back, but I can't do it on my own. I'm a binge drinker. I cannot stop at 1 or 2 drinks....ever! I want to be sober but I'm also scared to be.

I have to stop though, there is too much at risk, my husband won't put up with me forever. He's proud of me for taking this step. I am ashamed and really hate myself for being so weak.

Wish me luck :)
Hilorie Hilorie
36-40, F
6 Responses May 29, 2012

your story is very inspirational to me. I am excited, and scared, really scared, to attend my first aa meeting this week. <br />
about not feeling comfortable in your own skin for the next few days (or weeks)..oh my god, that is exactly how i feel right now. I am sooo emabarassed and ashamed and i just feel completely yucky.<br />
but, reading you comment about how good you feel and how you never noticed how bright your eyes are...thats hopeful.<br />
becasue i hate who ive become and i cant see anything but ugliness in me anymore and i really hope, after being sober awhile i can start to see a better picture like you have.<br />
you do sound really smart,<br />
i have been telling myself back and forth too that maybe i can just cut back to just a few drinks here and there, maybe just on the weekends again..and to read tht someone else has thoughts like that, BUT they know those thoughts are not true and..well, it makes me look at myself closer and i know deep down i cant let my mind play those tricks on me either because "a few drinks" is never a few drinks with me.<br />
anyways, thank you for sharing and keep it up!!

Hilorie, reading your story, I am you. I have tried hundreds of times to drink "normally". I have tried limiting myself to 3 beers or 5 beers or avoiding hard stuff, etc. None of it has ever worked. The events of this past Friday night scared the **** out of me -- and while I agree with u that a life w/o alcohol is so scary, I think about how my life will go if I continue on the way I have been, and that is worse! Yesterday I admitted to my wife and family that I am an alcoholic, unable to control myself and acknowledged that I need to stop. Today is my Day 2. I am going to attend AA meetings soon. I do not buy into it all either but I am hoping I can get a sponsor to whom I can speak with when times get really tough as I know they will! Wish me luck!

Thanks for the response toadstoolpie, I've had a few "scared the **** of me nights" and it is not fun to live in your own skin for the next few days (maybe even weeks). My wake up was not a huge earth shattering event, but more of just a general sense of being sick and tired of myself. I really do find the meetings to be helpful, you should find a group and go when you feel up to it. It was really scary to walk in that door, but after a couple of meetings that fear went away. It's been since Thursday that I've attended a meeting and I plan to go tonight. Today is day 14 for me and this weekend was really difficult. I am finding myself to be quite edgy with everyone, like it's their fault that I can't drink anymore. Reality check...I did that to myself!!! I'm finding all sorts of stuff out about myself that I don't like....but hey....It's Monday and I feel awesome. I look at my eyes and after only 14 days I don't recognize them. I had no idea that they were so bright :)

Hang in there!!! These past 2 weeks have been anything but easy. I spent a good part of the weekend drafting up ways that in the future I might be able to drink moderately. Luckily I am smart enough to know that isn't possible but it's crazy how my brain continues to plot against my plan to quit drinking!!!

Best of luck to you and feel free to message me if you need support.

You sound just like me! I want to stop drinking sooo much alcohol has been part of my everyday life for sooo long. I have to admit I have been worse but my drinking is still at a hazardous level. I drink if I have had a stressful day but cannot stop at a couple of glasses of wine, I will finish the bottle open another and even finish that then the next day I feel so shocking that I take strong cocodamol just to get through the day then have more wine as a hair of the dog the the evening! When drink I smoke which I don't do at all when I am sober, I wake up stinking of **** and booze and want to cry cause I did it again!! But then some how I convince myself that I will just have a couple this time!!!!...hmm then two bottles of wine later here we go again. I am so sick of being so pathetic.. Do you think I should go to meeting?

Hi. I hope you are still going well. I am 4 months sober. I read Allen Carrs book Easyway and it worked for me. Anyone who drinks Alcohol is on their way to becoming alcoholic. When you say u tried to cut back or drink normally, well that just makes it harder. Quitting completely is the only way and it works. I look at Alcohol in a totally different way now having read this book. A change of mindset is what is required to stop drinking in my opinion. Anyone can do it and I wish you luck.

I'll have to look into the book, thanks for the insight :)

Well, I am on day 7 now. This weekend was very difficult...we had 2 parties to go to...and while I could have just stayed home I chose not to do that. I went to both parties and didn't touch a thing. It wasn't as hard as I had thought it might be, but I did have a ton of anxiety leading up to it. I have been to a total of 3 AA meetings and am planning to go to one tonight. I don't know that I buy the total concept of AA, but it really does help to be around other people that suffer from the inability to control themselves around alcohol. I'm not an every day drinker, so staying away from it is the easy part (in most situations), but I do use it to curb stress...and I also cannot stop once I start. I have tried and tried to drink like everyone else. I cannot, therefore I know I must stop. If I think about never touching a drop ever again, it gives me anxiety....but the one day at a time thing is working pretty well for me so far. I already feel a lot better and I will say that this is the best I've felt on a Monday in a long time. (because I usually drank every weekend night).<br />
<br />
To those thinking about quitting or admitting a problem, it was a huge relief for me. I'm not announcing it to the world, but just admitting to myself and my husband has take a huge burden off my shoulders that I didn't necessarily know I had.<br />
<br />
So good.....

How's it going ?

Message me please. How's it going?

I am 475 days sober and I miss drinking terribly lately! I haven't drank but I came close today. I must try to stay strong!!! Troubles at work, troubles at home, both make the booze look so tempting.

Ugh! It hasn't been this hard yet! I guess it never goes away completely! I hope you are doing well!

Lower than low!? You should feel that your at the starting line. I wish I could tell my wife or go to an AA meeting. I wish you good luck, and I wish I was as strong as you are!

wishing you the best. keep us updated.