I Want to Stop Drinking Alcohol
I'm so miserable. I'm 32 and I've known since I was 18-19 years old that I've had a drinking issue. I've quit before. I never once drank while I was pregnant with my son. I just seriously can't figure out what my problem is. Actually, why am I kidding myself, yes I do know...
My relationship is awful. I love my boyfriend, I really do, but he's 10 years older than me. He is a widow and his wife committed suicide about 7 years ago. I think he suffers from depression and lack of motivation. He has never sought help for it. He is ridiculously overweight...around 400 pounds. He works midnights...there is no intimacy. BUT he has provided a roof over my head when I had no where to go.
My son's father isn't in his son's life. It hurts me. My mother is emotionally abusive to me and my father is the type of father that, well, let's just say he doesn't get involved. He is a type of see no evil, hear no evil person.
Still, I'm educated. I went to college, I have a degree. THE WORST stupid degree..in early childhood education...which basically means I can get a job changing diapers and babysitting your children... Maybe if I tried harder...maybe I could get a decent job...I myself, have no motivation.
I just drink and drink and drink. I was 140 pounds and started heavily drinking...I was drinking at least 12 beers a night...it progressed into at least a 1/2 a bottle of hard liquor a night... I blew up like a beached whale, 220 pounds. I thought I had hit rock bottom. I left my boyfriend and moved back home with my mother and father. In 3 months time I went from 220 pounds down to 160... I just quit cold turkey. My mother and I got into a horrendous fight, and I called my boyfriend up and he came to my rescue. We have been back together ever since.
I didn't drink for a while when I came back. Then stress just got to me. I feel so alone and sad and needing emotional support and intimacy. I get none. So I started drinking. Wine is my choice drink now. I buy a box of wine and drink it every night until it's gone. I start drinking around 9pm and don't stop until I'm good and drunk. I don't like waking up every morning feeling awful. I've gained about 15 pounds and I have to stop. I'm going to blow up like a whale again.
AND it's not all about the weight gain. I don't want to die. I don't want heart disease and all the health issue that can come from it... ARGGGH! That's how I feel.
I have just horrible anxiety. I feel I can't do a thing. I'm not stupid...I know about AA and the the benefits of not drinking...yet I can't get a grip.
There is a box of wine in my fridge, and though I feel like *** today, I know that once 9pm hits and my kid goes to bed...it's on.
I wish I could stop. This is absolutely ridiculous.
I'm going to stop. I need to go into the kitchen and throw it away....No, I can't.
My relationship is awful. I love my boyfriend, I really do, but he's 10 years older than me. He is a widow and his wife committed suicide about 7 years ago. I think he suffers from depression and lack of motivation. He has never sought help for it. He is ridiculously overweight...around 400 pounds. He works midnights...there is no intimacy. BUT he has provided a roof over my head when I had no where to go.
My son's father isn't in his son's life. It hurts me. My mother is emotionally abusive to me and my father is the type of father that, well, let's just say he doesn't get involved. He is a type of see no evil, hear no evil person.
Still, I'm educated. I went to college, I have a degree. THE WORST stupid degree..in early childhood education...which basically means I can get a job changing diapers and babysitting your children... Maybe if I tried harder...maybe I could get a decent job...I myself, have no motivation.
I just drink and drink and drink. I was 140 pounds and started heavily drinking...I was drinking at least 12 beers a night...it progressed into at least a 1/2 a bottle of hard liquor a night... I blew up like a beached whale, 220 pounds. I thought I had hit rock bottom. I left my boyfriend and moved back home with my mother and father. In 3 months time I went from 220 pounds down to 160... I just quit cold turkey. My mother and I got into a horrendous fight, and I called my boyfriend up and he came to my rescue. We have been back together ever since.
I didn't drink for a while when I came back. Then stress just got to me. I feel so alone and sad and needing emotional support and intimacy. I get none. So I started drinking. Wine is my choice drink now. I buy a box of wine and drink it every night until it's gone. I start drinking around 9pm and don't stop until I'm good and drunk. I don't like waking up every morning feeling awful. I've gained about 15 pounds and I have to stop. I'm going to blow up like a whale again.
AND it's not all about the weight gain. I don't want to die. I don't want heart disease and all the health issue that can come from it... ARGGGH! That's how I feel.
I have just horrible anxiety. I feel I can't do a thing. I'm not stupid...I know about AA and the the benefits of not drinking...yet I can't get a grip.
There is a box of wine in my fridge, and though I feel like *** today, I know that once 9pm hits and my kid goes to bed...it's on.
I wish I could stop. This is absolutely ridiculous.
I'm going to stop. I need to go into the kitchen and throw it away....No, I can't.
By:
Rhiannon21WV
Age:
31-35
,
Female
2
responses
