I Am Not An Alcoholic

I drink much more than I should. I am embarrassed about the volume of alcohol I consume, I drink every day and I drink a lot... but I am not an alcoholic. I function well, I run a business, I run a home, I look presentable, so I am not an alcoholic. I do things when I drink, half remembered and completely regretted, like send emails that shouldn't be sent and drive when I shouldn't drive.. but I am  not an alcoholic. I have been to a meeting or two, but I am not like those people who go to meetings. I am in control and I can stop whenever I want, except I don't stop and I keep drinking and I am an alcoholic.

 

This is my committment to me, every day I do not drink I will write a thought here. I plan to write 365 thoughts in the next 12 months. Starting with the prayer of the alcoholic

 

May God grant me the courage to change the things I can change, the serenity to accept the things I can not change and the wisdom to know the difference.

 

Annolivia Annolivia
36-40, F
4 Responses Feb 16, 2010

Annolivia,<br />
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First off, good luck as you start this process. I spent a long time debating with myself about whether I was an alcoholic or not. Eventually, the simple fact that I kept asking myself that showed me that I already knew the answer. If you are not sure about AA and things like that, I really recommend reading memoirs of people who stopped drinking, such as Knapp's "Drinking, a Love Story." You may be surprised to find how much you connect with people who can eloquently write about what they've been through. Even if you don't, they can be enjoyable reads. <br />
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You sound like a strong person, keeping it all together. Please, please remember that your strength may be a weakness when it comes to drinking; you get what you want and can deal with consequences, meaning that you can persuade yourself to drink and remain successful. Whatever you do, don't hate yourself!

I know a few very highly functional drinkers who drink daily, drink alot and still manage to keep life running along fine. Despite that, they are aging more rapidly over time as the "tax" on physical well being is heavier for them. I notice most of this crowd starts drinking earlier in the day, are in bed by 8 pm max and often forget or repeat the previous days conversations. In terms of driving watch out bigtime on that one. The Police are not necassarily looking for the person with a beer can raised in the car as they are waiting for a traffic incident or violation and doing a DUI test as a failsafe check. If its in your system then its $ 5k plus the legal hassles and threat to business and career. Anyhow...wishing you the best as only you know your limits but think about how much more awesome your energy levels, (and lower anxiety levels) would be if you attacked each day without it!

Sweetie, Google twelve questions alcohol. Answer the questions truthfully. The answers will tell you if you are or not. You have my blessings.

A word to the wise would be to stay out of that car when you have been drinking.You will not convince a cop,when he stops you that you aren't drunk.Friendly Officer Barney is just licking his chops to meet you.I would suggest that you give up the bottle as it is the most dead end street you can go down.Been there and done that.Friendly advice and I wish you the best.