Do You Remember?

It's starting to get hard to remember the days that I ate without thinking of what was going into my mouth. Do you remember those days?

When:
Calories weren't an issue for me.
I went out and enjoyed myself at a restaurant.
I didn't weigh myself every single day.
I didn't weigh myself multiple times a day
I didn't work out compulsively.
I didn't chew gum to get rid of the hunger pangs
I fit into most of my sexy clothing
I wasn't constantly staring into a mirror looking at how fat I've gotten
I could look into a mirror and see a pretty person.
I wasn't obsessed with my weight
I spent my days not worrying about what I ate.

The problem is, I still enjoy spending time with friends, I just don't like spending time eating around them.  I know what I'm doing is wrong, but I look so much better.  I now have a 22 inch waist!  who doesn't want that?  From a fat 25 inches.  But the food still haunts me, even when I try to tell myself what would happen if I ate it.  So to supplement the eating, I try to exercise more often.  Not that it's working, but I'm still at the same weight.  

Everyday is a struggle.  A challenge on whether or not I can make it without food.  And if I make it through without food I'm so happy.  But if I eat a little something I purge it. I want to stop purging.  I don't want to ruin my teeth, get chipmunk cheeks, but I can't help either starving myself or purging myself.
pinkcorsage pinkcorsage
18-21, F
Nov 26, 2012