Too Little Too Late.

I am the Mother of 4 beautiful children who have been through a horrible family break up and emotional and financial abuse from good ole Daddy. I am facing many issues of my own due to this.  My family is in a state of constant crisis.  I have a daughter who has been facing many emotional issues.  Life has not given her a lot of the joys.  She is a beautiful upbeat girl.  Yet so very very angry and sad.  I was aware of her depression.  I knew she was sad.  We talked and I shared some of my pain with her.  She had an awful bf who emotionally abused her and was a jerk regardless.  I would see her sadness.  I tried to help her through.  

It's been about a year now.  I dropped her off to school and as she left.  All dressed up so wonderfully fashionable she turned and dropped a note in the passenger seat and walked into school.  I drove home and parked in my driveway.  I opened the letter.  

She wrote of her extreme sadness and her urge to want to end it all.  She wanted help and wanted me to take her seriously.  

I was in shock.  I remember sitting on my couch wanting to go to school and make sure she was there and bring her home so I could see her and keep her safe here.  

I picked up the phone and called the youth crisis line.  I read them the letter and gave them the past and the few other things about her.  She loved to write up at the train track bridge near our home.   She also had most of her extreme emotional releases there.  I worried when she wen to write there.  I was given some advice and numbers to call for additional support.  

I picked her up from school a few minutes early.  We walked and talked and I felt good that she was wanting to be safe.  

We have had a few crisis where I had to lock her in the house or go looking for her in the middle of the night.

I am extremely lucky to have her in a program with our local mental health hospital.  The youth mental health program.  She is dealing with several other issues but it all comes back to keeping her breathing.  I have found out since being in this situation.  The programs offered to teens have long wait times.  How can you with 18 months for help when your teens is only basically 5 yrs of your life.  It's impossible to help kids with the issues in those extremely sensitive times.  

I know more awareness needs to happen and more support for the kids.  It took my daughter so much courage to share her pain with me.  To trust me to turn to me.  So many struggle continue but at least now I know.  

She will look for life rather than dark even in those deep dark moments.  

flodials flodials
41-45, F
5 Responses Sep 9, 2012

Nice that there is help today may be other I grew up with as a young child would be alive today if they had help or even if the system had of taken action against the abused us and not just made they move.

We have to keep on looking out for those who need it most. Those who will make a difference are the youth.

it's one thing to go through your own emotional pain....I can't imagine watching one of my children suffer that way. You're a good mom and she is lucky to have you holding her hand during these times. I'm wishing all the best to both of you. xoxo

Unfortunately my inability to get my children out of an emotionally abusive home was part of the issue. I know the beast that caused the pain but even in plain sight it's still a struggle. Glimmers of hope and positive thoughts.

As someone who didn't have help when she needed it, I want to thank you for being a good parent.

Thank you AngelaDark. I am sorry to hear that you have or are suffering. I know pain. It's invasive and relentless. Even for those who have bubbly personalities and try not to let much bother them. It seems to find a way into the soul regardless. My daughter still struggles but we both have hope. I thank you so much for your kind words. I feel as I am the blame for so many of my children's issues. I have lots of work to do. If you ever need to talk please know I am sincere in my words Please reach out to me. I am a good listener. No judgement. Open to all those who struggle.

thank you for the offer. I don't really want to dig up my old feelings and memories, but it seems I don't have a choice in the matter anymore. My suppressed and repressed emotions and memories are overwhelming me lately. Letting it out involves feeling the repressed emotions that I still don't think I can handle. I have to pick my times for letting it out carefully, so you might hear from me and you might not. Either way your offer of kindness is appreciated.

I'm just glad to see an example of how the whole world isn't s#!t

Your stories are mesmorizing. I'm in a state of awe as I just read a few of them. I'm glad your daughter opened up to you because sometimes there is no one there to help except a must be a great mother to your child even though you've faced so much pain. I wish i could take it away for you..

Thanks I hope that I am able to help others with my pain. Seems to be my role in life ..I am still plugging away.

as a parent of a 17 year old that committed suicide last year I can tell you that you are so incredibly lucky. It probably sounds funny but your daughter has given you a tremendous gift

Sorry for your pain. Sorry for your loss. I do think of it as a gift. It's a struggle everyday. It's not something that goes away in a couple days. I know all too well how fast it change for me still. I know that no parent should have to live with such pain. I know it doesn't go away it. I don't take the time for granted. Yet it's still such a battle.