Doubting Myself.......expecting to Get Hurt...

I get something in my head & then my heart gets involved & then it's bye bye sanity, hello crazy *****!

I WANT to stop feeling like I'm not good enough. It's like a knee jerk reaction, & I am getting REALLY SICK of IT! Why Why Why do I continue to assume that if something is wrong, it is automatically my fault....I mean how completely F*CKED up is that. I must be so friggin full of myself, because everyone's bad days & bad attitudes & not wanting anything to do with me, my stories, or just me is always MY FAULT!!!!!!!!!!! So obviously I think the WORLD MUST REVOLVE AROUND ME!!!!!!!!! I am so messed up! Sheesh!

I have a really bad feeling, that by being this way & not being able to stop these "knee jerk" reactions....Not stopping the constant apologizing for being me, that I am NEVER going to find LOVE for me or within me. I am going to be ALONE FOREVER! OK, I'm thinking that maybe I should just call it quits. Give up, let go of the last limb of the last tree left in the void that is my life & just fall..... I'm getting way too OLD to put up with myself, let alone make anyone else deal with it.... I mean I'm ANNOYING myself so how the HELL can I not be ANNOYING all of you..................

"Why am I dying to live, if I'm just living to die!"

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Mar 9, 2009