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It Was Me

I said I would never be the woman to knowingle let someone cheat. Then I became the girl who he cheated on her with. I know its so wrong and i know how many people it could hurt but its like i never cared. I let him run to me when she fights with him i pick the phone up when he calles late at night asking for advise. I give him his escape from it all. Now they fight more and more. This has to be because of me.
Brezee138 Brezee138 18-21, F 1 Response Jan 21, 2011

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*Warning: Longest reply ever to head stright to the advice read the first couple of lines and then skip to the end* Sorry :(<br />
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Listen, I don't believe that they fight because of you; they fight because of him and his choices. To provide a little insight on my perspective, I'd like to share my experience. I cheated...never in a million years would any one be able to convince me that I could be capable of being like that. Here's the thing if he is running to you he's either: greedy, in a sexually withdrawn relationship, or in an emotionally withdrawn relationship (IMO). I was two out of the three (not greedy). I began living a double life. I don't know how to explain it; I was trying despereately to fill a void that at the time I didn't know that I had. I did things that I never dreamed I would. I at one point was given a pill from a co-worker to lift my spirits. It wasn't much longer after that before I started taking painkillers all of the time (escape from reality number one). After about a year and a half, I met him, a new connection for me at first, through a "friend" who was a customer of his. We had a business relationship for about two months before we got "involved". <br />
For the sake of not writing a novel I will cut to the chase. I was severely lacking at home, so instead of being an adult I went out and ruined my life. I have always been a people pleaser, and I was so afraid to hurt my fiance's feelings by telling him how unhappy I was, that I risked destroying 3 lives, ours and my new guy would have collateral damage. My new guy filled every single void so perfectly that I became almost addicted to his energy and his company. It didn't help that we had such an amazing connection. After really talking for the first time, we both felt like we had known each other forever. Actually my feelings for him are what ultimately ended the relationship. I don't regret any of it though, because I learned so much valuable information about myself. He also supported and encouraged me to straighten my life out. He shone the light in many of the dark neglected corners of my life.<br />
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Honestly, walking away from that with this new insight I knew that I could find someone who was capable of fullfilling my needs and would make me happy. He was more than I ever imagined a man could be. Now that I know they are out there, I also know that there are women who could make themselve totally available to my new guy, and can give my fiance every thing that he needs. In actuality, not a single one of us were being fair to each other as well as ourselves. With the book that I wrote in mind, sorry it's so long, from the outside I see three people that are selling themselves short. I don't know what your past is like, but please don't let yourself fall in love with him if you haven't already. In sitautions like these, someone always gets hurt. If you can separate from your emotional self and just want to have fun, by all means, that's your perogative. You clearly have some discomfort with the situation, so I would suggest that you ask him to do some real soul searching. You did not "let" him cheat by any means. Honestly, if he is that unhappy one way or the other I am sure that he eventually would have found someone else if you weren't interested. Also, is there a possibility that they aren't really fighting as much as he portrays? He may be saying that to give you hope and have you stick around longer. If there is a part of you that is hoping he leaves her so that he may be with you, please tread very, very carefully. Not to say that this doesn't happen and that people never leave relationships because they actually just simply fell in love with someone else, however more often than not he could very well do the same thing to you (especially if the root of the issue is a psychological ba<x>sed issue, not having really anything to do with you or her...if he happens to feel insecure it may make him feel better having two women around, of course this is on a subconscious level usually). Take it from a guilty party, I will say now that there is no way in the world I would ever do something like that again, but then again I said that about cheating before and I cheated any way. I hope that you realise thought that you are probably selling yourself short, when honestly you deserve sooo much more than to be some ones vacation girl. There are plenty of wonderful guys in the world that will cherish you and only you putting you first in everything.<br />
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Phew.....sorry it's so long, I am new here. i actually found the site searching for advise regarding the situation above and i wanted to post this story/ confession to get it off of my chest but your post got me all distracted throwing me off on a tangent in my reply. My apologies. I hope everything turns out for the best and if you ever need to talk about it or just vent please feel free to message me. Unfortunately I have experience in this department.