Slowly Getting Better

I don't know where to start. I weighed somewhere in the ninties. I lost weight over summer. I fit into my clothes better, and dicided I was fat and needed to lose weight. I want to be beautiful for my boyfriend, and all those who see me.
It's hard for me to lose weight right now. I am on an antidepressant that's making me gain weight. So in turn I have started purging. It is also a source of pain. I need this. I'm not able to self injure any more either.
The more I lose the better I feel. I have learned to fight the hunger, and am quite good at it.When I notice my arms are getting smaller, I feel a little better. The purging makes me guilty, but it's all I have. I have to eat sometimes. If I don't I won't be able to hide this from my parents.
kotori4444 kotori4444
13-15, F
1 Response Dec 8, 2012

you won't be able to find it. im sorry hun but unless you start eating you will end up in the er, trust me i used to be this way too. but your body is going into starvation mode, and the quicker you stop this the easier it will be, your hair is going to start to fall out, nails are going to crack, and your mood will start to worsen. your boyfriend will be more of worried than happy, guys like curvy girls better than stick thin. i know how you feel, how much it hurts. i remember setting goals and the thinner i got, the happier i was. or so i thought. it wont be worth it in the end. purging will ruin your throat. you want to grow old enough to see your grandchildren, right? focus on keeping your body healthy, it will help in the long run. right now you are draining yourself of necessary nutrients, and youre becoming very much in danger. anorexia spreads easily, do you want other girls to be like you? i know that while i was anorexic, i would ignore all the help people gave me, and i would get so angry at others just because they were worried about me. you cant do this to yourself. once someone notices, they will report you. do you really want to get stuck in a mental facility, and have to eat and be watched as you use the restroom, and gain more weight than you were in the first place? do you want to go bald? do you want people to judge as soon as they look at you? thats what will happen. you have responsibilities in this world, and stay healthy so you can fulfill them. instead of going anorexic, why not just eat lots of protien and carbs, and design a workout plan with your pe teacher or doctor (they really know and understand what goes on with your body) and get abs? anorexia isnt the answer. always know that people love and worry about you. they need you, and you need them. please please please talk to your doctor, or find a therapist. they are understanding and they will help you. please just know that anorexia is a disease. some people dont realize that anorexia can and cant be cured . it still sits in the back of my mind. however, i keep it pushed back enough to keep my life going, and help those around me. i can now exercise and im healthy, im able to do sports and workout without having to worry about nutrients or breaking something, and please make sure to keep yourself happy. you have only one body.