I Have No Friends

I cant believe Ive ended up this way. Ex boyfriends always used to say that I would end up a lonely old woman if I carry on the way I do. My parents got divorced when I was 15 - so what, no big deal, but they both left me to start their new lives, and I was left on my own, I got the biggest rejection of all. In short...a few years later I got in touch with my father and went for a meal with his wife and new child, I thought everything went well, I was expecting a phone call to arrange to meet again, I never got one, so about a month later I phoned him whilst I was at work, and he said words to the effect that his wife thought i didnt behave well as i felt i ignored her and rejected the slice of pizza that their daughter offered me, and that he wasnt planning on phoning me again. I was in so much shock I put the phone down and walked out of work and never went back, i was utterly depressed for 6 months, not wanting to get out of bed or work etc. I eventually picked myself up again and started at the bottom again work wise and worked my way up, i changed job and moved house every 6 months or 12 months, as i just couldnt settle, and i just cannot trust. I only let in the person i am going out with/ boyfriend, and then i dont really trust them, as i think they are going to leave me, and i ultimately wreck the relationship due to my lack of trust. I am now 32 and I have moved house over 25 times. I have 2 young children, and I dont want them to learn by example by seeing how i live my life. I have been on anti-depressants and had counselling (but as you can see its got me no-where as this is over 15 years ago!!). Im quite attractive, fairly intelligent, funny at times, and Im a really lovely person as Im honest and down to earth and have gone through alot to know i am a truly nice person now, and yet I have absolutely no friends. I am getting divorced now, I have the children full time, Ive just moved house, I dont know anyone where I live and I cannot reach out to people to start a friendship, Im holding myself back and keeping myself in this lonliness loop. Im actually scared of making friends with women as i think they will judge me negatively yet its close female friendships for nights out that id love. I make out that Im busy with friends or out with friends as i cannot tell anyone that i dont know a soul, as no one wants to be friends with a total loner. Id like to make a female friend online and meet up and become friends. I think women that i talk to in real life already have their own circle of friends and wouldnt want me as a friend. I just have absolutely no confidence in making friends. Thanks for listening.
nowisthetimetomakeachange nowisthetimetomakeachange
31-35
3 Responses Jul 9, 2010

Where are you from?

I no how lonelyness goes its boring sad and long, really takes the life outta me sometimes, but lonelyness cycles can be broken by being more optomistic an dpossitive about life.<br />
Stop thinking "I'm so lonely" because people will get an unwelcoming vibe from you.<br />
Be happy, talk to people, let go enough to let someone into your life you don't have to trust them completely. You should find a place you like and stop mvoing around so much too.<br />
I also understand whats it like to think that your parent is trying to reconnect with you but then they really are breaking all ties. You should probably deal with your issues from long ago because they are still haunting you.<br />
Since you've been feeling this way for a long time so hypnotherapy would be good on a subconscious level.<br />
I'm only 16 but if you wanna talk :]

Well, it seems you are not alone. I am from Europe, Republic of Moldova. I've been through this. you seem to me rather interesting. So soon!