My Life

I'm feeling bad. It started in 1980 when I met the woman of my dreams. I should have not fallen for her but I did. For 10 years we lived together in a rocky romance. I was jealous, she was jealous. Then in 1992 my first daughter was born. I love her so much, she is a great girl. After she was born my relationship continued to be rocky. We never got along and we fought too much. When my daughter was 6 my wife had an affair with a friend of mine. I thought my marriage was over but then we actually missed each other and got back together. When my first daughter was 8 we had another baby which I thought would help keep us together. When my second child was 5 my wife had an other affair. I was angry. sad and felt ashamed. My daughters lived with me most of the first year after the separation and were also sad. My ex lived two houses down the road so my kids saw their mom every day. After a year they were both living with both of us and were happy with their mom again. I was sick of my job and got a really bad girlfriend who just wanted a home for her kids. That lasted three months. Then I met a Chinese girl online and went to China to visit her. She seemed for real. In 2008 I decided to quit my job and give China a try. It was the saddest day when I left my family home and moved to China. I didn't think I would live there long but I needed to go. My daughters were 7 and 15 at the time. After I arrived in China I worked as an English Teacher in Shanghai. My Chinese GF turned out to be just after money so after a year and a half I gave up. Two years later I thought I would go back to Canada but I met a new woman. I had always said I would never marry again but she changed my mind. My oldest daughter came to live with me in China for 6 months just when I started dating my new wife. They really didn't like each other. I think both were a little jealous. We got married in Canada in 2012 and my youngest daughter was our flower girl. I feel really bad for my kids. I know it's hard for them to go so long without a father. I am planning to go back to Canada in 2014. My youngest daughter is coming to see me in China this year with my Mom. She is hurting really bad. I broke her heart when I left. I'm also feeling bad about it all. I love my new wife but I don't want to hurt my kids any more. I hope someone can understand my feelings here. I hope it's not too late to make up for my lost time. My youngest daughter has told my that she is angry at me for leaving the family. That I broke her heart, that I broke my own heart. I think she is right.
An Ep User An EP User
Jan 8, 2013